In Winter, it is cold.

In Summer, it is hot.

We sometimes have earthquakes, presumably caused by overweight leftwing snowflake people stomping their feet in chronic desperation because Ol' Crooked Hil lost the election … again.

Tornados are caused by Democrats in a tailspin because they have no platform.

Hurricanes come and go, in no discernable pattern. Some years there are none. The worst one was 117 years ago, before your great grandfather had his Model T.

Forest fires are the result of tree-hugging liberals too damn lazy to clean up their forest floors and manage their forests properly. They would rather see ALL the trees and thousands of homes burn than cut down a few trees to create fire safety lanes.

Meanwhile, your evil, devious, self-serving liberal mentors and minders lie to you and tell you it is all the result of CO₂-caused global warming and that you must turn off the lights and live in darkness to abate the non-existent "problem".

Now, you are an official little climate scientisssss with all the crudenshuls of all the really big lying climate scientisssses.