Islamic Ban on Female Flatulence Benefits Women Worldwide
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3/8/2014, 8:53 pm
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Ban on Female Flatulence FartimaFollowing up on last year's International Woman's Day breaking story about the ban on female flatulence in Indonesia, we have interviewed a local female flatulence expert, Fartima Passagasiya, to see how that particular government regulation has benefitted women and minorities one year later.

"The ruling prohibiting women from farting loudly in public places has certainly boosted our overall modesty and attractiveness," says Fartima, who also runs the local branch of eSharia.com.

"Before this law passed, many women had trouble finding a husband or maintaining a meaningful relationship, with us girls always issuing thunderous clasps of noxious fumes during dinner and a movie, and stinking up the room to the point of tears at the most intimate moments."

Ban on Female Flatulence "Practicing self-restraint is important while dating; your Twitter followers don't need to know how many times and how loudly you farted on the first date," she writes in her relationship advice column.

"Without government regulations, women would have absolutely no idea how to dress, eat, drink, speak, move their bowels, obey their husband, or pass gas," acknowledges Fartima, adding that the ruling has also improved women's sense of responsibility with the provision of 20 lashes for small farts and up to 3 months prison time for larger ones. "It's a gift that keeps on giving."

The controversial anti-female-flatulence prohibition, professionally known as "fartwa," has also raised concerns among some terrorism experts, who were worried about an inevitable increase in the number of women exploding in public places, which could potentially confuse statistical analysis of suicide bombings in that geographical area.

Ban on Female Flatulence Fartima dismisses such explosive rhetoric as offensive to the honor of those who martyred themselves while upholding a woman's dignity. "These sisters must be celebrated as martyrs who took one for the international solidarity of women everywhere," she says.

Praising the ban on female flatulence as a fundamental victory for women's rights, Fartima stresses the symbolism of it coinciding with International Women's Day.

"Unfortunately, the international feminist community is still lagging behind with regards to being Sharia-compliant," she says. "Women in Western societies in particular would do well to take notice and demand similar legislations passed in their home countries."

Female Flatulence issues in the White HouseDescribing herself as a "radical Islamic optimist," Fartima sees a lot of opportunity in this area, admitting that great strides in this direction have been made in the United States by the First Lady.

"Michelle Hussein Obama has introduced and passionately enforces government regulations on what to eat and what not to eat, what to drink and what not to drink, how and when to exercise, etcetera. And the ban on soda, salt, and trans-fats in New York City also brings them closer to our cultural model," she says. "There's yet hope for America."