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Excerpt from my story, I've Lost My Smile
Mon May 9, 2011 10:25pm

Part VI, Section II:

Shawn's POV-

"Hey, Bret, I'll be right back…." I quickly walk over to my gym bag and unzip the top pocket….but before I can finally grab the bottle, he calls back to me. Damn it!

"Where are you going?"

"Just to the bathroom….." Man, just ignore me, Bret, just IGNORE me!

"Then why are you going through your gym bag?" He asks….damn it, how to explain that?

"Uh….just because?" I quickly grab some left over boxers from the bag and hide the bottle amongst the clothing, hoping he won't be able to see it. Gosh, I hope he doesn't catch me.

"No, not just because, tell me, Shawn….." I show him the boxers and he suddenly shuts up. "Oh, ok….never mind then." Whew! That was a close one! I hold the boxers and bottle tightly up against my upper torso and make a break for the bathroom….but I don't make it all the way to the door before the sound of the pill bottle catches Bret's full attention. Uh oh… "Shawn….what was that I just heard?" He questions with a serious expression on his face. Oh god…..what do I say to that one?

"Oh, just some spare change in my boxers I suppose…." Now is your time, Shawn-go for it! Get your ass inside of that bathroom now! I attempt to do so, but right as my feet pad along the bathroom's threshold, Bret grabs me tightly around the shoulder and turns me around to face him. Uh ohh….I'm in big trouble now!

"NO! Damn it Shawn, look at me! What is it that you have? What are you hiding?" He attempts to grab my boxers from my grasp, only to fall short due to my grip on them being so strong. I fight to hold onto them-and the bottle-with everything I have inside of me until the slight struggle causes the bottle to fall from my arms and onto the floor below. I watch as the bottle falls down-almost in slow motion-onto the carpet and busts open. Pills go flying everywhere as Bret looks on.

"Uh….Bret….I, I can explain…I…I…." Oh god….this is exactly what I DID NOT want to happen! Oh man…this sucks, and just looking at the deadly glare in his eyes…yea…he's not a happy man.

"What's this?" He bends down to pick up not the pills but the bottle itself. "Oh my god…..Shawn-…"

"Bret….believe me, I-I didn't want to worry you….I, you see…."

"Yea, I see it alright! Shawn why the HELL did you just lie to my face? WHY? I asked you if you did drugs, didn't I?" He pauses to look at me, "didn't I?"

"Yes," I mumble quietly. What does he expect me to say? What am I supposed to say? I've been busted, as simple as I could and can put it.

"Then why the hell did you just lie to me?"

"Because, I didn't want to upset you. Bret, you have to understand…."

"Understand WHAT? What is it that I have to understand? Shawn… god! This is ...ed up!" Well I didn't expect him to say that! "Is this what you took last night?" He peers up at me and I glance down at him. Might as well as tell the truth now Shawn since you're busted as hell anyways….

"….Yes…it is…Bret, please forgive me."

"Yea, I'll forgive you alright! You know what, ... you, and ... this! You want to destroy your life, then FINE! Take all these god damn pills and overdose! See if I care…..about a lying drugged up whore!" He grits his teeth.

"WHAT?" I almost yell out of anger and shock. "You don't honestly mean that, do you Bret?" I want to cry as I continue to stare at him. Hopefully he can forgive me….please god, let him forgive me. He stands up and answers my question.

"Yes! I do….there you happy now? Obviously you must be!"

"What? Of course I'm happy…..Bret….."

"Yea…because of these happy pills you take right? Is this your excuse for last night? Because if it is….then just forget it ever happened!" He heads right for the doorway as I chase him….oh god! This isn't happening to me!

"Bret…please, don't leave me! You want to know why I take them. Huh? I'll tell you then…." I can barely hold back the tears in my eyes any longer, so I let them fall down my cheeks as I talk to him. "I take them because of the pains in my muscles….I guess you can say that I have an addiction…..Bret, please believe me. I can't help it, honestly." He just simply turns around to address me once more.

"You're addicted, huh? Well let me tell you something then, if you really do have feelings for me then first off, you wouldn't lie to my face, and second of all, you would find someway to get off of those things! You realize that they can kill you if you take enough of them, don't you? But I guess there is no convincing a man whore of anything against his desires… if you want to destroy yourself with those things, then fine, be my guest…..but if you really care, then you'll stop using them for good!" And with that, he walked out of the room and shut the door behind him, leaving me to bear all this pain on my own. Damn, why do the horrible things always have to happen to me? WHY? Man, every single person that I have ever gained feelings for, has left me due to my reputation as a damn man whore! Is that what Hunter always played me to be-the slut-as they sometimes call me? Well let me tell you something, I am not a slut! And I am certainly not a man whore by any means! I'm just horribly misunderstood. I slam my fists on the wall facing me as I hear Bret's footsteps fall further and further away from the doorway and down the stairs. Damn it! I can't take this! I pounce on the bed and begin to cry my eyes out as silence takes over the rest of the room…..I just hope that Bret can find someway to forgive me eventually. I love him now, and I will do anything in my power to keep him with me…..even if it means quitting those pills once and for all.

Bret's POV-

God! What did I do to deserve this? The one person who I gain feelings for over night now as it turns out does drugs! I should have known-I should have seen this coming! Shawn stumbling around last night should have alerted me to begin with. Maybe last night meant nothing to him after all. Maybe he just played me to be the fool-I should have listened to the one person who told me about him being a slut. My brother, Owen….I always knew that man was smart, and now I finally have proof of such. Owen had told me that he is a slut and that I shouldn't trust him no matter what-wish I would have listened to him full-heartedly. What had possessed me to do that with him last night? Now looking back on it, I don't even know the answer to that question. I wish I did. Might have been pent up feelings for my sworn nemesis, who knows; or might have been the fact that I do actually care for him. I don't know what I am going to do now. For one reason or another, I just want to start crying right now and I don't know why. God, I am so confused. I'll just walk around the block to vent off my frustration for a little bit. Yea, that's what I'll do…..

15 Minutes Later…

I continue walking back toward the hotel when I come across a florist stand. I don't think anything of it at first, until I see a bunch of yellow roses for sale. Hey, a dollar for twelve whole roses! Holy crap! Nice deal…..I have been thinking for the past several minutes that maybe I should go back to the hotel room and face Shawn and tell him sorry…..I just acted without even thinking to listen to his side of the story. I now feel sort of bad for doing that, what if he was telling the truth and is really addicted to those pills? I know I may be a fool for thinking this, but I think I should just give him a chance to at least explain himself. And maybe, these yellow flowers sitting right before me might do the trick…hey, it might sound a little manipulative, but I just want him to finally come clean, and hopefully accept my apology, if nothing else.

"Hey," I incline to the shop keeper.

"Yes, sir, may I help you?"

"I am interested in getting these roses," I point to the bunch of yellow roses in front of me, "how much are they?" Hey, had to ask, right?

"Uh," he looks at the sign on the top of the stand, "a buck for a dozen." So I hand him the money quietly as he hands me the dozen roses. I can't help but smile; hopefully these will be just enough incentive for Shawn to forgive me.

"Ok, here ya go." He grabs the change and hands over the bouquet. "You getting these for someone special?" He asks.

"…Yea, I guess you can put it that way…."

"Ok, here you go….have a nice night."

"You too…." I say as I walk off with the flowers in hand.

Ten Minutes Later….

I walk to the door, expecting it to be locked from the inside, but when I actually approach it; I see that it's open slightly ajar. Oh man, that can't be a good sign.

"Shawn…..are you in there?" I open the door and creep my way though, to discover that the place is completely trashed! "SHAWN? ARE YOU IN HERE?" Silence. Oh god….oh no! I run into the room and spot Shawn lying on his back upon the bed, with the pill bottle not far from the edge of the bed. And with that, I see that there are no more pills inside the empty container. OH NO! "Shawn!" I scream. "SHAWN ANSWER ME DAMN YOU!" I run up to his limp body and shake him vigorously, only to get no response whatsoever. I place the flowers down and grab the phone extension and call 9-1-1….man, I just pray to God that I'm not too late.

To be Continued...

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