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MWT 2007: Invasion Of The WWE (Ch. 2, Pt. 1- slash)
Wed May 18, 2011 12:06am

Our heroes sit in their aisle in this order: Sean (closest to the wall), Bret, Shawn, and Hunter (closest to the aisle).

Sean: Wait…(to Bret) should Bret and Shawn be sitting together?

Bret: I'll be fine Kid…as long as Shawn doesn't kiss me again.

Shawn: I am not going to kiss you again…You know Bret, if you keep going on about how awful it was, I'm going to start thinking that you actually liked it.

Bret: (glares at Shawn)

Hunter: Okay then…Kid, I'll keep an eye on Shawn…you watch Bret.

Sean: Do I have to restrain him?

Hunter: Let's hope it doesn't come to that.


Hunter: It begins.

- Author's Note: Hi, I'm Laura. -

Sean: Marie must be busy.

Shawn: Probably writing the sequel to her last story.

Bret: (visibly cringes)

- I'm an aspiring writer, who like many answered Marie's request for writers. -

Hunter: Who wants to tell Laura that by writing for Marie, she's just destroyed her reputation as writer? (the others raise their hands along with him)

- My first fic is entitled 'Invasion Of The WWE'. You see, I love reading and watching science fiction, and I've always felt that Jack Finney's Invasion Of The Body Snatchers was one of the greatest science fiction stories ever. -

Sean: I used to agree, but I have a feeling that after this fan fic, I won't think so anymore.

- Now, I wondered what would happen if the basic story of Jack Finney's book occurred in the WWE – of which I'm a huge fan of as well. -

Hunter: Oh no…it's a crossover.

- Of course, as I wrote my story, I had to take some artistic license with both genres in order to make them fit…as you'll see. -

Sean: I don't like the sound of that.

- So without further ado…here is 'Invasion Of The WWE'. -

Shawn: All right Kid, I'm not a sci fi person, what happens in this story?

Sean: Originally, a small Californian town is invaded by pod like aliens that have the ability to duplicate their hosts, all except for emotions. These duplicates are emotionless, although they try to act that they weren't. If you looked closely, you could tell who was a pod and who was a person.

Shawn: Oh…you know if such a thing happened for real, how would you tell that some of the wrestlers were people and not pods?

Hunter: You mean because some of them lack emotion?

Shawn: (nods) Or force them.

Bret: Who lacks emotion?

Shawn: Well, Undertaker looks like he does inside the ring…

Bret: That's just his character.

Shawn: I know that…and while we're on the subject, there were times in your career that you didn't show much emotion.

Bret: Yeah, and then I met you.

Shawn: Putting that aside for the moment, I always thought Cena was a little forced in his emotions.

Hunter: He does overdo. You know who I'd signal out as a pod?

Shawn: Who?

Hunter: Shelton Benjamin.

Shawn: (considering it) Yeah, he is pretty unexpressive.

- Prologue: -

Sean: Prologue? You mean, there are parts to this thing?

- I'm not quite sure where or how to begin. -

All: So don't!

- But I know I have to. The world and all of humanity are at stake. -

Sean: I say screw humanity.

Bret: Kid!

Sean: What? My sanity is at stake here.

- I know now that I can't stay quiet anymore. -

All: Lucky us.

- I thought it was over. I thought we'd beaten them and that they knew that Earth wasn't ideal for them. -

Shawn: Guess you were all wrong, weren't you?

- They must have adapted…learned from their earlier mistakes on Earth…all so that they could survive. -

Hunter: (trying to imitate Jeff Goldberg from Jurassic Park) Life finds a way.

- There's no other explanation possible...

Because it's starting all over again. -

Sean: (trying to imitate Buffy from the first episode of Buffy The Vampire Slayer) Gee, could you vague that up for me?

- I'm getting ahead of myself. -

Shawn: You think?

Bret: A proper introduction would be nice.

- Looking at what I've begun to write, I realize that it looks like I'm mad. Paranoid. But I swear, I'm not. -

Hunter: (humoring the narrator) Of course you're not.

- I will attempt to explain...

If only what I'd read in the paper earlier hadn't been there. I wish to God that it hadn't been.

I'll never sleep now. -

Sean: Let that be a lesson to you...don't read the news.

Bret: Ignorance is bliss, huh?

Sean: You said it.

- My mission… -

Hunter: (as the narrator) As I choose to accept it.

- as I consider it to be… -

Hunter: Close enough.

- to warn all humanity, began when I'd picked up the paper at dinnertime, as I always do, -

Shawn: (looks at Bret)

Bret: (sees Shawn eyeing him) What?

Shawn: You always read the paper around dinnertime.

Sean: And lunch.

Hunter: And breakfast.

Bret: At least I try to stay connected to what's going on on Earth. Is there a point you guys are making?

Hunter: We're hoping that we don't have to. (Bret looks at him, but Hunter doesn't explain)

- while my husband was putting dinner on the table. -

Bret: (it dawns on him) guys don't think this fic is referring to me...that I'm this narrator?

Shawn: It was just a thought.

Bret: Well, the fic just said that the narrator had a husband, so put the thought out of your head.

- I'd just gotten home an hour earlier and I had every intention of enjoying my dinner, my paper, and my husband's company.

That was up until I saw the following article, started on the front page, which I have pieced together – it went on for a few pages – and pasted into my writing: -

Shawn: And now I suppose we have to read it, right?



By Andrew Kempner -

Hunter: People disappear all the time. One vegetable trucker isn't going to make one bit of difference to the police.

- Tuesday, September 13, 2011 – -

Sean: Should we be worried that that date is exactly four years from now?

Hunter: You mean considering the last bad fic...(Sean nods, Hunter shrugs back)

- Morning traffic on the Trans Canada Highway is never a breeze. -

All (but Bret): (look at Bret)

Bret: Okay, so maybe I am the narrator. (sighs) Damn.

Hunter: Where is the Trans Canada Highway?

Bret: It runs through Calgary. (angry) Why do I have to be the narrator?

Hunter: Because it's your turn to get tortured.

- In winter, the ice makes the highway a dangerous place to be. By spring and summer, it's crowded by, not only people getting to work, but also tourists. -

Shawn: (to Bret) One question...(Bret looks at him and signals for him to go ahead) doesn't winter last forever in Canada?

Bret: Shawn, Canada does have a spring and summer.

Shawn: It gets tourists?

Bret: Is that so hard to believe.

Shawn: You're more popular than I thought.

Bret: (keeps himself from raising his voice too loud at Shawn) I'm not a tourist attraction!

- Finally, in the fall, the crowds lessen, but the number of trucks that need to get their goods transported increase, and those trucks take up a considerable amount of room.

Especially, if stopped on the side of the road, as was the case yesterday morning. -

Shawn: (dramatically) The plot, it thickens.

- On the morning of September 12, at 6:35am, police were called to the area of the Trans Canada Highway that intersects with 14th Street.

There, the police found a large abandoned vegetable truck stopped on the right side of the highway. Unfortunately for drivers, it was still taking up enough of the road to cause problems. -

Shawn: At 6:35 in the morning?

Bret: It's just starting to get busy at that time.

- As the police waited to tow the truck, they investigated the area. The driver was nowhere in sight. The only clues as to where the driver might be were the footprints that trailed into the woods. A few policemen were sent to follow the prints, but once they got into heavily leaf littered areas in the woods, the footprints were lost and tracking halted. Oddly, no one thought to use police dogs. -

Shawn: Your police are incompetent, Bret.

Bret: Shawn...

Sean: (admonishing) most movies and series, the police are incompetent. It's not just your in fic. (Bret looks at him)

- This story would likely have ended there had not two witnesses come forward to this reporter. Actually, if they hadn't come forward, this reporter wouldn't have known that there was a story going on. -

Hunter: And then this story couldn't have happened. Thanks witnesses.

- For their determination to speak out, this reporter owes a great deal of gratitude, and has respectfully heeded their requests to remain anonymous. -

Hunter: In order to protect their identities.

Shawn: Obviously somebody wants them dead.

- The first person to come forward to this reporter, a man in his mid-forties, was actually the last to have witnessed anything. This is the same person, who called the police to the scene. -

Hunter: How is that going to keep the police from not knowing who the witness is? All the police have to do is look at who called them.

Sean: Obviously, the reporter considers the police to be so incompetent that he feels it's safe to dispel the witnesses' description.

- Here are his words – abridged – stated to me when he saw me in my office:

"It was 6:17am. I know because I'm always on that area of the highway at 6:17am. I hate anything out of the ordinary. And that truck was out of the ordinary. -

Shawn: It's also out of the ordinary to be in the exact same place at the exact same time each day.

- When I came to that area of the highway, I almost didn't see the truck before it was too late. I know that sounds funny, being that the truck was big, but, since I wasn't expecting it to be there – not to mention it was still dark -

Hunter: (as the writer) And I'm half blind...

- – I almost hit it."

I said that that didn't sound funny at all. It is quite dark in Calgary before sunrise, which at this time of year isn't until a few minutes after 7. -

Shawn: (to Bret) How the hell do you deal without having the sun till after 7am?

Bret: How do you deal with ninety-five degree weather?

Sean: Guys...

- He was relieved to hear that I was, as he put it, 'on his side'. He continued:

"Quite honestly, I should have kept driving. I wish I had. Several other people must have. But something in me couldn't, -

Hunter: (imitating the witness) Because I'm an idiot.

- so I parked my car just ahead of the truck, making sure though to park it off of the road.

I got out, and walked to the passenger's side. I wasn't about to stick myself out in the middle of the road to look into the driver's side.

Bret: I thought the reporter said abridged. I don't need to know that the witness didn't want to be in the middle of the road.

- Anyway, when I looked inside the truck, poking my head into the window to do so – since the window was rolled down -

Shawn: And here I just thought the witness put his head through a glass window.

– I saw no driver."

I asked him if he saw anything inside.

"Oh I saw things inside, just no people. I saw clothes on the seat." -

Sean: The driver is doing something in the woods that he shouldn't be.

- "Clothes?" I repeated curiously.

"Yeah, a plaid shirt and a pair of jeans. And they were covered in dust." -

Sean: He spilled cocaine on his clothes before going into the woods and doing something he shouldn't?

All (but Sean): Kid!

- "Dust?"

"Dust," the man said, slightly annoyed. Then, he calmed, "I think it was dust. It was gray in color and it covered the clothing.

- Sean: It's not cocaine then.

- I even, and I don't know why I did, but I did, I pushed even further in and saw a pair of shoes on the truck floor. Even more dust covered the shoes.

- Shawn: (sounding like a store manager) Clean up on the Trans Canada Highway.

Well, I pushed myself out of the truck -

Bret: Not before getting stuck.

-after that feeling pretty nervous, as you might imagine. It was just so odd. And it got odder when I looked towards the woods and saw footprints. Footprints of bare feet." -

Hunter: That would make sense.

Shawn: A fan fic making sense. Now I know the world's coming to an end.

-I leaned in when he said this. The police never mentioned that the footprints had been made by bare feet.

"Fits too well, doesn't it," the man said, "Bare footprints and shoes in the driver's side."

"But why would the man be naked?" I asked. -

Sean: I can think of a few reasons...(off of everyone's looks) None of which are appropriate.

- "Beats the hell out of me," he said, exasperated, "I'm just telling you what I saw. It's your job to make sense of it." -

Sean: (as the reporter) The driver must be a pedophile who's brought his latest victim out here to...

All (but Sean): Kid!

Hunter: Keep it up Kid, and I'm taping your mouth shut.

- "It's my job to report it," I countered, "It's the police's job to make sense of it." -

Shawn: Or not and say they did, then cover it up like it never happened.

Hunter: We'll go with that.

- "Wonderful job they've done," the man said cynically.

"Did you tell the police what you saw?" I asked. -

Bret: (to the screen) Well if the witness didn't, you have.

- "I did," he said, "I went to the police station. I thought I had a duty."

I leaned closely again, "So, what happened when you told?" -

Shawn: I got a few funny looks and thought the police were going to call the men in the white coats.

- "The policeman who took my statement – who heard everything that I just told you – went and got his captain."

I asked to clarify, "Would that be Captain Stodder?" -

Shawn: (to Bret) Who's Captain Stodder?

Bret: I have no clue. It's fiction, remember?

- "The same," the man verified, "Captain Stodder had me run through the whole story again, and since I knew it so well by now, I concentrated more on the Captain's expression than on my own words." -

Hunter: He multitasks. He can study expression and talk at the same time.

- "And what did you see?"

"Now you'll think I'm crazy," he said, "If you haven't already." -

Shawn: (as the reporter) Naw...if you don't mind, I'd just like to make a phonecall.

- "I don't think you're crazy," I assured him. I truthfully didn't know what to think at the moment.

"Well, the Captain, he didn't have an expression."

"What do you mean?" I said, not understanding. -

Sean: The Police Captain's a pod. (to Bret) Kiss Calgary goodbye.

- "The Captain just looked at me," he explained, "and not with a carefully disguised, 'This guy is nuts' look. There was no look."

"And when you were done giving your statement, what did Captain Stodder say?" -

Sean: It's not what he said; it's what he wanted to do.

Hunter: Don't go there Kid.

- The man sighed, "He said that I shouldn't worry about it anymore. That the situation was cleared up. He said that I appeared overworked and that I should go home and get some sleep. And you know what he said that was really strange?" -

Bret: (as the reporter) No, and I don't want to know. I can only fit so much in my article. (as himself) And I this article is long enough.

- "What?" I said, part of me wanting to know. Another part, however, didn't want to know.

"Captain Stodder asked me if I wanted to get some sleep in the back, where the beds are for the policemen to go when their shift gets too long." -

Sean: A place where they can sit back and relax and...

Hunter: Kid...I know where the tape is.

- "What'd you say?" I asked.

"I said no thanks and immediately got the hell out of there. Then, a few hours later, I came to you."

"Why?" I wondered. -

Sean: To replace you with a pod too.

- "Because you're a good reporter. People trust you."

People did too. I have a way of reporting the facts without ovesensationalizing or sugar coating things. -

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