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To Break a Bowl
Sun Oct 15, 2006 14:52 (XFF:

Adanai watched mournfully as Accepted Calia led the young male Accepted to whom she'd just been introduced out of the room. She had not expected to be abandoned so rapidly; surely she wasn't that much of a lost case? Her lip trembled as her eyes threatened the outpouring of tears, but she forced herself to stay calm, as the Accepteds might be back any minute and she did not want to embarrass herself, not that she hadn't already. At least Accepted Will had not seen her failure yet; she sincerely hoped that Accepted Calia did not mention to him her tendency to turn scarlet and nearly burst into tears every time she got a little flustered. I've made a fool of myself in front of quite enough people, I think. I'd so hoped to make a new start and to be someone I wasn't at home... so much for that.

Finally she was able to push aside the urge to mope and recall Calia's instruction to continue trying to embrace. Unsure of what exactly she needed to do, she sat on the floor cross-legged, tucking the length of her dress around her legs so that her undergarments would not show. With one hand, she swept the bulk of her thick, dark hair over her shoulders, and with the other she brushed a lone tear off her cheek in annoyance. It was incredibly irritating, her inability to keep her emotions in check. Clearly it was something she needed to work on, since she had yet to see any Aes Sedai demonstrate sadness or embarrassment, and Accepted Calia certainly did not. She wondered whether all the Aes Sedai and Accepted she'd met thus far had come into the Tower emotionless or if they, too, had been forced to learn.

"Focus," she reminded herself allowed. After glancing quickly around the room, she closed her eyes; for some reason she felt quite silly, regardless of the fact that there was no one watching her.

Deep breath in, deep breath out.

Once again, the novice tried to force the image of a flower into her mind, whispering to herself a description of the very plant she was trying to picture. This time, she was able to imagine the soft, perfect petals of a tiny purple Forget-Me-Not, and nearly giggled with elation until she realized that she felt nothing at all unusual. She opened her eyes and looked to the door to see if Accepted Calia was back yet, saw nothing, and then began fiddling with the hem of her skirt, disappointed. When she closed her eyes again, she was still able to picture the flower, but could not feel anything out of the ordinary. Now the temptation to burst into tears returned, but this time as a result of a different sort of shame. Perhaps the Aes Sedai had been wrong about her.

"I'm a bloody moron," Adi told herself, standing and dusting off her behind. Walking over to the window, she wondered where exactly Accepted Calia had gone and what was taking her so long. What exactly she want with that boy? Is playing around with her lover really so important that she should leave the novice to whom she was assigned floundering in that boy's room? She seemed strange when I first met her, but not that strange. The window looked out over the gardens, and Adanai noticed a small stream that she had not seen on her brief tour. As the gardens were set on a bit of a slope, the water trickled downhill, spilling over the stones in its bed.

It was a tiny sort of a waterfall, a fine, delicate flow that captured the novice's imagination in a way nothing else had thus far this day. She sat down in the chair next to the window and watched it, enjoying the small bit of warmth allowed by the pale sunlight coming through the window. In some otherworldly way, she felt akin the rocks within the stream, tickled by the sun in the same way in which she imagined they were tickled by the flow of water. What a strange mood I'm in, she thought, crossing her legs and shifting her skirt. Leaning back in the chair, she made herself comfortable, waiting for the Accepteds to return and hoping she would not be in trouble for not having managed yet to embrace.

At ease with herself and the world for a moment, Adanai closed her eyes, resting in the warmth of the sun. She could not help but think about the stream and the rocks, and wished for a second that she might be outside, dipping her feet in the stream. "Might be a bit cold for wading," she said aloud to no one in particular, having a conversation with the air.

It was not until nearly a minute later that Adi realized that the warmth she felt was not coming from the sun. It flowed through her veins like a warm drink on a cool day and filled her like nothing she'd ever consumed before, and yet the feeling was not all that unfamiliar. She was certain she'd had it before.

That inner glow she'd felt disappeared seconds after she realized she was feeling it. "I embraced!" she suddenly cried, upon realizing that she had been unintentionally successful.

At first the novice was so excited that she could not keep her eyes closed long enough to even attempt embracing a second time. After she settled down a bit, breathing slowly to calm the happy fluttering of her heart, she let them slide shut in the manner she had done the first time, and just allowed her mind to clear itself slowly. She sat absolutely still with a blank mind for what she felt was approximately a minute, and then began to picture the waterfall again, certain that it was that image that had allowed her to be successful. In great detail, she imagined the pebbles along the bottom of the stream, larger rocks scattered amongst them, and then the water began to flow over those pebbles and rocks, and with it came the True Source, slowly spilling into her body.

Adanai basked in the glow of saidar, allowing it to fill her whole body, fill it, and fill it, and fill it... and suddenly she was terrified, out of control, unable to stop it from consuming her. Her body thrashed, fell out of the chair; she cried and forced her eyes open, scared nearly witless. The chair had fallen over, and in the process, knocked a washbasin off the small table beside it, and the shattered pieces of the bowl were scattered across the floor, sitting in small puddles. "Accepted Calia?" she croaked helplessly, horrified that no one had warned her of how frightening embracing really was.

Suddenly both Accepteds appeared in the door frame and entered the room. "I'm sorry!" Adanai whispered, certain she had done something wrong and that they were now going to punish her.

OOC: Sorry this took so long to get up- first set of college midterms = pretty stressful. Btw, I enjoyed the Pirates reference.

  • To Break a BlockAccepted Calia Selle, Sun Sep 24 10:30
    She could only imagine that this was how the then Accepted Menaihya must have felt when she had taught Calia to embrace the True Source as Jocelyn looked own with veiled superiority. The former... more
    • To Break a Bowl — Novice Adanai Kyann, Sun Oct 15 14:52
      • Elements of SuccessAccepted Calia Sell, Thu Nov 23 16:40
        "Might be a bit cold for wading," Adanai said, semi-absently. Will turned to look at Calia questioningly, to which the Seanchan Accepted merely shrugged in response. As if she had any better idea... more
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