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As I Open and Close My Door
Wed Dec 20, 2006 09:37 (XFF:

Kareen did not see Teli touch the Source, but an innate sense told her that it had just been touched. Kareen suppressed a cringe. Saidar still made her shudder with barely maintained anger. However, Kareen forced down the emotion it provoked. This was precisely what she was here about. This was what she hoped Teli would be able to remedy in time. The Novice took a few calming breaths before speaking to Teli.

Kareen had been preparing what she would say to Teli the entire walk to her quarters, but now that she had been posed with the question, everything she had been going to say had either been drowned by her own muddled thoughts or just seemed absurd. She took in her bearings, the reason why she was now sitting before the Aes Sedai buzzed through her head. For lack of a prepared speech, it all came out in a nervous wreck. “Aes are in the Grey Ajah.” Kareen had to shake her head at the statement. It lacked both new information and meaning.

Kareen kept her eyes downcast, feeling far too exposed during this meeting. “What I mean to say is that I still know little about the Tower, but it seemed to me the Grey Ajah might be the best to approach with a problem I was having. Also, we only met briefly, but still, we have met in one of your classes, and I felt compelled to seek you out above the others.” This statement was indeed, entirely true, but Kareen had left out her ever present awe and fear of all the Aes Sedai. Teli radiated some nature that allowed Kareen to approach her without that same fear, though she still stood in awe none-the-less. However, Kareen still felt the need to be separate from her. She was Aes Sedai. The honor chain was her last shield during this meeting, as Kareen was about to open a most private part of herself to Teli.

Realizing that she had only answered the query as to why Teli had been the Aes Sedai she had chosen, Kareen cleared her throat to continue. “The reason I have come to you, Aes Sedai, was in hopes that you might help me. Please, forgive me for approaching you in such a way, but it was the most obvious option for myself. You see...I am not fond of weakness, and simply bringing that to your attention is a challenge for me. I can only hope that you understand that and will keep that information as yours alone.” Kareen looked up at this point, her eyes shining in the candlelight, imploring that Teli should understand.

She was approaching hysterics, although her voice remained unchanging thus far. “I am having trouble with saidar... It’s not that I am having trouble embracing it, that comes as naturally as it should. But the feeling...I cannot stand it. I hate saidar every time I feel it inside me!” Kareen’s unchanging tone had broken and so too had her hysteria made itself known. It was hard for Kareen to continue, but she had already devoted herself to asking for help, and if she had to ask, she had to do it right. She must tell Teli all that she was feeling. “I am of the Atha’an Miere. We are a people who love life, the world, and all that is around us. We appreciate the world and its beauty as it is, and saidar has taken that away from me. I can no longer see that beauty unless I am holding the Power, and the fact that I now need help to see it hurts me, as if I am no longer pure.” Kareen blinked her eyes a couple times to stop herself from shedding even one tear. She would not cry during this meeting, even if she had revealed much more about herself to Teli than anyone before. Sweaty palms found their way to her skirts to dry away the discomfort. A very slightly trembling hand then went to touch her honor chain and remind her of who she was.

All it took was that feel of cold metal against her skin to bring her back. It was only a moment before Kareen was all composure once more, closed up from the rest of the world, her fears and weaknesses all locked away inside herself. Teli knew what Kareen had intended to tell her, and much more than that as well, no doubt, and that was enough. There was no reason for her to remain in such a vulnerable state. She may have asked for help, but it would not do for her to become entirely dependent upon it. She was still Kareen din Yokiri Wave Singer, one who dislikes both having and showing weakness.

OOC: You are completely forgiven for your lateness...especially considering mine... >.< It took me a while to realize you had replied, and by then I was caught up in a lot of things, but hopefully after the holidays I'll be more capable of posting throughout the entire site (which I have been absent from doing for a while now). Again, so sorry. >.>

  • Seeing Through The LieTeli Sedai of the Grey Ajah, Sun Sep 17 21:56
    Just what was this young woman up to? Teli could not put her finger on it. It was almost as if the Novice wished that she was caught. One would not attempt to run away if they were planning on... more
    • As I Open and Close My Door — Novice Kareen din Yokiri, Wed Dec 20 09:37
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