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On Healing
Fri Oct 27, 2006 22:13 (XFF:

"What do you think? Do you think he was lying?" The question was all that broke the silence of their return journey, even the young Devin having become subdued. Neither Aes Sedai seemed to have much desire to talk after the evening's events, nor could Terrian seem to focus her thoughts on anything substantial, no matter how she tried. Of course, she had thought of Lady Eliani when thinking of those who might have reason to attempt to have an Aes Sedai murdered. She had discarded the thought quickly though. Eliani just certainly was stupid enough to try such a foolish plan, and Ian had always praised her as a shrewd player of Daes Dae'mar. Beside that, she was a member of House Damodred through marriage and the White Tower couldn't touch her even if she had only married into a minor branch. It was too powerful a house, and since the loss of Moiraine Damodred Sedai the relation between the Tower and the House was not at its best. She had instantly thought of Shae Lorien as well, but he seemed too shocked at the thought for the thing to have been his doing. Very few were good enough actors to pull off such a genuine performance, and despite Menaihya's threat she knew that even if he could not produce a suspect the Tower would not try him. There was no proof that he had committed any crime. That left them empty handed. Terrian could think of no one else, especially as scattered as her thoughts tonight.

"It would have to have been a very well-crafted set of lies," Terrian answered after a moment. To have the servant, Alsam's, story all ready would have been beyond belief if Lord Shae was indeed responsible. Although, he had admitted to a certain amount of plotting, that was no crime in Cairhien and he, like Eliani, struck her as too intelligent to try something so clearly ill advised. Then again, he had thought to strand them for the night so that he could kidnap and subsequently save Devin. That plan would have failed quickly as Aes Sedai were remarkably difficult to leave without a means of transportation. Even if he had managed to take out all conventional modes, they had sufficient strength and knowledge of Jostayn's manor to Skim back there in an emergency. Meaning that in the end the plan would have been a failure, but Terrian would commend the High Seat for a well thought out plan nonetheless. It all made her think that perhaps they really should have taken up the White Tower's offer of a pair of Gaidin to watch their backs during this trip of theirs.

Thinking of the White Tower… They were going to be in for a decent talking to when they returned. Whatever their tasks had been in Cairhien, this little jaunt into the world of murder, mystery, and political intrigue over a missing member of a relatively minor house had not been part of them. In fact, it had more than likely harmed their chances of success. Well, in reality Terrian had done that as soon as she had revealed her objectives to Jostayn. Closing her eyes momentarily, she resisted the urge to sigh. So it was that her thoughts came full circle, always returning to that… that man! Even when she was angry with him her thoughts always seemed to find their way to that forbidden emotional tangle that was… well she wasn't exactly sure what to call what was between her and Jostayn beyond an emotional tangle, but she knew that it was doing more harm than good these days. Never before had she lost her control so surely simply because of what one man had said. That small wound to her pride didn't hurt half as much as the words that had caused it though.

Stepping from the sedan chair in her near-sister's wake, Terrian did sigh and took Devin's hand in her own. So it all began again, by some cruel trick of the Pattern she had to face Jostayn Roen once more, and many times beyond that in the days to come. Somehow it just didn't seem right to be sharing living space with someone she was barely on speaking terms with at the moment. In that instant, she contemplated finding a room at an inn in the city and found the idea far preferable to days of enduring Jostayn's presence. The idea was quickly discarded once her mind ran through the ramifications of such an action when vied through the lens of the Great Game. All of Cairhien was already curious about the nature of the relationship between the White and Black Towers and how strong the ties truly were. There had already been enough trouble tonight without adding fuel to that flame. Perhaps it would be better in the morning, after they had both had a good night's rest. That meant she had only to avoid him long enough to find her blankets and drift into her dreams. Surely that was a manageable task?

Apparently it wasn't, for as soon as they had entered there was Jostayn Roen sitting in the parlor.

Terrian's first instinct was to ignore the Asha'man, and that was precisely what she did. She glided past with Devin as if she hadn't noticed Jostayn, deciding that the boy needed to be put to bed more than she had to stop and exchange any form of pleasantry with Jostayn. Whatever Menaihya's reaction to this was she genuinely did not notice; her mind too busy churning around the day's earlier events to think of anything else. In the end had it been her fault, or Jostayn's? Was she being headstrong and prideful or was he? She shook her head. It didn't matter. She was an Aes Sedai and compared to that any Asha'man was a child! She didn't have to admit to being wrong, even if this whole fiasco was her fault. That would be like a grandparent apologizing to a toddler for chastising them!

"You don't want me to take the child, Aes Sedai?" Terrian very nearly jumped as she found herself face to face with one of the maids. All she could do for a few seconds was stare blankly before what the woman had asked processed. Even then, she didn't understand. The woman had taken her shaking her head as a no, but what had the original question been? "Can I take young Master Devin to bed for you, Terrian Sedai?" Yes, that had been the question. Light, she really wasn't paying attention to have missed hearing a question altogether.

"Yes… Or I mean, no." She fumbled the words in a manner that was uncharacteristic of her in general, not merely unlike an Aes Sedai. "Please, take him and get him cleaned up and to bed. It has been a long night for such a young boy." The dark haired woman looked at her curiously for a moment then nodded and took Devin's hand, leading him away and leaving Terrian with no excuse to not make a polite pronouncement of their return to Jostayn. She cast about for some other reason to not turn on the spot and return to the parlor, but found none. With a sigh she slowly returned to the parlor, no longer able to ignore the Asha'man.

She found herself still upset, still full of some sort of self-righteous anger, when she laid eyes on the Asha'man again. It was a split second decision when she decided she had had enough, that she would finally confront him about what under the Light it was that complicated even business between them. Before she had had given herself any time to think things through she found herself standing before Jostayn, drawn up to her full height – what little it was – and radiating an odd mixture of anger and Aes Sedai grace. She had things to say, and it was time she said them. She had things to say, but when she opened her mouth to say them no words came out. Then her hazel eyes fell on Jostayn and saw him – truly saw him – for the first time since she had entered the room. She had thought of Shae Lorien that it would take a truly excellent actor to pull off such a lie, and the lie Terrian was trying to live would take an even better one. The anger she felt was an emotion she could not sustain when it counted, and as her eyes studied Jostayn the anger drained out of her.

Light, but for a woman normally so good at seeing a situation from all angles she had forgotten to look at one side of this mess. The view from where Jostayn was. As much as she wanted to, she couldn't feel anger toward him once she finally saw that view. If his words had hurt and angered her, than surely her words had hurt and perhaps even angered him. The tirade she had been prepared to deliver fled her mind and she was left with only three words. "I'm sorry, Jostayn." That was all there was to say as she realized that she had to amend her earlier thoughts. There were two things which could not be Healed. Death was one, and emotional scars the other. This was the first step to healing the latter. She turned to leave, to tuck Devin into bed perhaps, but this time – unlike when she had fled his study before – a part of her hoped he would stop her.

OOC: Wow, that was my fastest response in months! This post was kind of a surprise for me. Orginally I had intended for her to just kind of go off on him and see what happened, but apparently Terrian had other plans. Heh. Silly Terrian... Anyway, it's off to you now!

Oh, and yay for posting and midnight! (Actually, my best time to write is between seven and midnight, so for me it's not so bad. Now, if I try to write in the morning that's an entirely different story...)

And Mena might get a Warder?! *keels over in shock* *revives quickly* Actually, I've been reading that festival string so I had sort of thought that might be the case. That's exciting! Of course, Terrian would be left the only active and yet Warderless Green. She'd have to speed up with jumping on the Bonding bandwagon!

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