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Zeo
I did say so!
Tue Sep 14, 2010 3:38pm
24.74.51.147

So okay, lets get this show on the road.

I. Are you sure you meant thief? This guy seems more assassin/ninja than thief. Especially given his personality type and capabilities.

II. Just because he's a skeleton-ish lookin' dude doesn't mean he's actually DEAD. Otherwise he wouldn't be moving. Remember that reploids are creatures of synthetic muscles, chips, wires, and other shit I don't bother writing about. Nothing magical or soul-ish about them in the most technical manner. So he's definitely alive.

III. Interesting choice to just have the daggers. Given his current backstory I would think that ole Doomy wouldn't REALLY have bone in his daggers. Maybe they're just meant to resemble bone instead?

IV. Put a descriptor of the Darkness system next to it in the special ability slot. Also remember to CAPITALIZE. I will harp on this until you quit the game or begin doing it.

...

CAPITALIZE.

V. Now this is more my opinion than anything else but I gotta say that the Concepts chosen and his described personality will make him an utter psychopath that really doesn't get along with anything or anyone.

I occasionally seethe about Hannibal's character for the simple fact that he literally does nothing but go around fucking things up for everyone else.

But at least he's written honestly. And I'll tell you, the second he gets caught in-game there'll be consequences.

Ditto for Doomwalker.

Mercs are a notoriously humorless bunch. Unless there are boobies or fart-jokes involved.

What I recommend is that you choose a little saner personality type. Especially for a first-time character.

VI. Admittedly I don't know if the rules are still up in a viewable manner but it's in there somewhere that you literally CANNOT have your character associated with any canon characters. So Doomwalker and his creator can't literally work with Sigma or have murdered him. (Even if he can get better.)

My recommendation is to give the bad doctor a Maverick liaison.

VII. Mercs might get some satisfaction from a big explosion or the destruction of an autocratic city-state but it isn't the point of the job. That's something to keep in mind. Mercs -for the most part- do what they do for the money.

Just something to keep in mind.

  • Okay if you say so (redone)doomwalker, Mon Sep 13 8:46pm
    Name: Doomwalker E-Mail: shanemay@newwavecomm.net Character Creation: Reploid Gender: Male Class: Rogue Type: Thief Concepts Malefactor Its good to be bad. You do what you want and shed no tears... more
    • I did say so! — Zeo, Tue Sep 14 3:38pm
      • Okay redone and modifieddoomwalker, Tue Sep 14 7:59pm
        Name: Doomwalker E-Mail: shanemay@newwavecomm.net Character Creation: Reploid Gender: Male Class: Assassin Type: Ninja Concepts Competitor - You strive to be the best in all that you do. Even among... more
        • Much better.Zeo, Wed Sep 22 10:16am
          You still need to capitalize the first word after the Doomwalker System. As to the rest, more than acceptable. My personal opinion though? You should go back through his bio and cut down all the... more
          • dangdoomwalker, Wed Sep 22 8:03pm
            Dang, okay I'm still working on that whole writing thing. I'm trying to get better at it, and as for my character sheet do I need to redo it or just submit it as is?
            • You can submit it as it stands.Zeo, Wed Sep 22 11:08pm
              I'd edit out the majority of those 'now's but it's really up to you. That's honestly the best thing about this game is if you stick with it you'll improve so dramatically over the course of a single... more
              • I want one!Hannibal, Tue Sep 28 11:13pm
                It would be nice to know where I stand as a writer. Although this is nothing more than glorified fanfiction, I still enjoy it. The drive to write has been lacking for ages, but I never forget this... more
                • Sure...Zeo, Wed Sep 29 2:25am
                  But first you have to write something! OH HO HO!
                  • now whatdoomwalker, Wed Sep 29 11:09am
                    Well, now what do I do? Do I just need to wait until my character gets accepted or is it already accepted? I don't know because I haven't been told and if he isn't then what do I need to do to submit ... more
                  • You...Hannibal, Wed Sep 29 3:43am
                    You're good.
                    • To Wait.Zeo, Wed Sep 29 12:25pm
                      He still needs to get the official okay from Kail. I'll e-mail him and see if I can get this going.
              • Of coursedoomwalker, Thu Sep 23 3:58pm
                Of course I want help I'm terrible at this. I need improvement and any vet that's willing to help will be great.
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