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Zeo
Much better.
Wed Sep 22, 2010 10:16am
69.132.112.33

You still need to capitalize the first word after the Doomwalker System.

As to the rest, more than acceptable.

My personal opinion though? You should go back through his bio and cut down all the instances where you start a sentence with 'now.' Once would be acceptable. You've done it at least three times. Almost in a row I think.

  • Okay redone and modifieddoomwalker, Tue Sep 14 7:59pm
    Name: Doomwalker E-Mail: shanemay@newwavecomm.net Character Creation: Reploid Gender: Male Class: Assassin Type: Ninja Concepts Competitor - You strive to be the best in all that you do. Even among... more
    • Much better. — Zeo, Wed Sep 22 10:16am
      • dangdoomwalker, Wed Sep 22 8:03pm
        Dang, okay I'm still working on that whole writing thing. I'm trying to get better at it, and as for my character sheet do I need to redo it or just submit it as is?
        • You can submit it as it stands.Zeo, Wed Sep 22 11:08pm
          I'd edit out the majority of those 'now's but it's really up to you. That's honestly the best thing about this game is if you stick with it you'll improve so dramatically over the course of a single... more
          • I want one!Hannibal, Tue Sep 28 11:13pm
            It would be nice to know where I stand as a writer. Although this is nothing more than glorified fanfiction, I still enjoy it. The drive to write has been lacking for ages, but I never forget this... more
            • Sure...Zeo, Wed Sep 29 2:25am
              But first you have to write something! OH HO HO!
              • now whatdoomwalker, Wed Sep 29 11:09am
                Well, now what do I do? Do I just need to wait until my character gets accepted or is it already accepted? I don't know because I haven't been told and if he isn't then what do I need to do to submit ... more
              • You...Hannibal, Wed Sep 29 3:43am
                You're good.
                • To Wait.Zeo, Wed Sep 29 12:25pm
                  He still needs to get the official okay from Kail. I'll e-mail him and see if I can get this going.
                  • Quiet long timedoomwalker, Sat Oct 16 3:16pm
                    I've been waiting what I think has been a month for someone to tell me whether or not I have been authorized. So would someone tell me whether or not I am and if I'm not yet then give me a ball park... more
                    • Nope...Demios, Sun Oct 17 3:29am
                      If you really want to start writing, start writing non-canonically here on the bar board. Someone might even throw in a character to play with you until Kail returns from the Outer-Worlds and graces... more
                  • Okaydoomwalker, Thu Sep 30 1:37am
                    Okay, I can wait.
          • Of coursedoomwalker, Thu Sep 23 3:58pm
            Of course I want help I'm terrible at this. I need improvement and any vet that's willing to help will be great.
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