They say pain is weakness leaving the body.
Thu Oct 21, 2010 7:39pm

And this hurt like a mother...er to read, so I guess it's working. I really appreciate you doing this, and I'm starting to understand real writing technique through it. And how I've utterly failed to portray the Kaze I have in my head. Far too little of him is actually shown, and what is is done so in way that's impossible to not misinterpret.


And by the by. He does run his own mercenary compound. It's underground in Washington State. He's running with the FR right now to scout for talent and possible business partners. Again, something I've failed to play through.

  • Look it's a bunch of review stuff!Zeo, Thu Oct 21 5:39pm
    Given that at least two people have asked for reviews and I'm feeling mighty lazy (shocker I know) I've decided to combine it all into one fantastic SUPER REVIEW! I'm not sure why the involved... more
    • Review stuff the SEQUEL!Zeo, Thu Oct 21 5:48pm
      Demios, my friend, I don't know what you want me to say. You know I'm a fan of your stuff if only for the fact that there is always a base-line level of quality you rarely dip below. Your technical... more
      • A trilogy?Demios, Thu Oct 21 11:02pm
        Most of that is fair. I will say though... The technical fight scenes are written the way they are because I have a lot of fun writing them that way. You're absolutely right that I could spend more... more
        • Fair enough!Zeo, Thu Oct 21 11:16pm
          I knew you'd be the one to critique my critiquing! And I gotta be honest the whole eyes thing was a complete spur of the moment thing that right after I wrote it I read it and it sent a little shiver ... more
      • Do me next. (nm)LJB, Thu Oct 21 6:32pm
        • Bob you haven't written anything in...Zeo, Thu Oct 21 6:47pm
          What... 3 maybe 6 months? Besides I'm not sure I'm egotistical enough for all that. It'd be like the shrub critiquing the redwood.
          • *smirks*LJB, Thu Oct 21 6:58pm
            See, I knew you wouldn't.
            • So it's a CHALLENGE?Zeo, Thu Oct 21 7:22pm
              Well then. Have at thee sir and let slip the dogs of war! But you must return the favor eh!? And now I have to go dig up something you've written from the dusty and cobwebbed recesses of the site.... more
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