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New project
Sun Jun 12, 2011 1:26pm

I'm in the creation process of a new project with an old writer who used to play these games. It's going to be a web comic based on a short story I did a few years ago. I've worked up an intro to set the mood for the rest of the comic told by the main villain, a fallen angel called Mako (if that name is familiar, it's because I've used this character a lot longer than LJB has been around). I thought I'd post it here so y'all could rip it apart.

To give a little back story and to help with some of the things that are said, I need to point out that the panels that are going to be displayed will be of Mako torturing a man. This will be interspersed with the story of creation told from his point of view.

Go ahead children. Rip it to shreds.


Do you remember the Sunday school stories about the creation? If not, I'll give you the crash course, since I don't expect you currently have the attention span to study up. Who you call God created the universe. He made the angels to serve Him and man to worship Him. He invested power into the angels to carry out His will. God was the great architect with angels as his under appreciated day laborers building a grand vision. The angels formed the land and the sea and tested this out with the creatures of all shapes and sizes, full of primordial power and instinct. When it came time for man, He wanted something physically weak that could be trained and would call on Him in times of peril. God gets off on the needy. The angels molded man out of the mud you are and He breathed life into scores of you to seed the world. That is something the Bible always got wrong, y'know? There weren't just two of you at the start. The angels were functional pieces of art made to perform the heavy lifting in the creation. Man came off of a goddamn assembly line with with two purposes: to ... and to pray. The more of man there are praying, the more powerful He becomes. To tell you the truth, that is how all of this started, getting a taste of that capital P: Power.

As He planned, the angels implemented. They made changes as neccessary since He had never done anything on this grand of a scale before. Sure, there were test cases, but this was the difference between models and the real deal. The angels were given the power and autonomy to carry out His will, and ultimately this was the first chink in God's plan. When the clay bodies started to move, God ordered the angels to bow down to His latest creation. To bow down to something that the angels had helped create; to idolize a weak being that would turn to Him and ultimately give Him more power. Oh, most of the angels did so either out of fear or respect, but a few were apalled at the prospect that these lesser beings, these miniature batteries were receiving a higher billing. Some angels refused and all Hell broke loose. Lines were drawn in the sand, and that's when the real battle began. What were first angels became known as devils. Though not the first to be cast down, Lusifer, he who created the Sun in the sky and was the most powerful, was cast down. As were *WE* all.

I landed in what you probably now know as New Zealand, but back then the primitives called it Aotearoa. They saw me fall, a perfect being, and I dominated them. They called me Makō, their word for my teeth. The primitives fell to their knees in worship and prayer like they were designed to, but it wasn't Him who received their prayer. It was I who drew in their power. Over the years I went by many different names, but like when you name anything, the first one tends to stick. As more of us devils were cast out, we set up our own kingdoms. As lesser devils fell, we incorporated them into our pecking order. Ra, Odin, Kitchi Manitou... they named us and with that, we stole their prayers to become powerful... to rival God. All the while though, the battle never really did end. Between the war and our own infighting, my kind dwindled. But even as it did, others found themselves thrown out. Your culture evolved to incorporate new deities and as you came to us, we rewarded you. It's kind of like how you give a dog a treat for performing a trick.

Now, you must be asking, if God is so powerful why didn't He just destroy us with a wave of his hand? Well, I can't say He didn't try. He sent his loyal angels after us and caused the water *WE* had created to rise up and swallow us. I think it's funny how most Christians believe that the flood is just central to their religion. It shows up in nearly all of the old stories. Sadly, my children cannot breathe under water any easier than you can. You see, I am not mortal like you and neither are my brethren. We continue to survive and make new children. When His plan didn't work out nearly as well as desired, He called a cease fire. God sent envoys to all of the established religions of the time and offered them a deal. A deal you say? Why yes. In all of the fighting, weak and puny man had turned to Him, which obviously He liked. God finally found what He really needed to get you to pray; Evil. And thus a covenant was forged. He would call off His hounds and allow us our fiefdoms if we continued to attack you. This is the God you profess to love?

You may ask why I am telling you all of this. I want you to understand that you are fulfilling your purpose. So as you cry out to God, I want you to know He knows about everything I am doing and He grudgingly approves. Be sure to ask God about that when you get to your afterlife.

    • Intrestin'...Demios, Mon Jun 13 4:02pm
      As an intro it's good. Though, I'd have to see it set on the comic pages. Seems a bit wordy for most comic fare. Not entirely sure what you want us to rip on. I think the spelling of Lucifer is... more
      • Something completely differentFoxxy, Sat Jul 30 10:42pm
        what's up everyone? I've been stalking this group for a while and have decided it's time for me to join in the fun. What happened to the rules and character creation? I was totally gonna get in here... more
        • Oops I derpedFoxxy, Sat Jul 30 11:19pm
          through some skillful googling, I found what I need. i hope to see you all soon.
          • And now we play the waiting gameFoxxy, Mon Aug 1 10:51pm
            I fished up the rules for character creation and managed to make me a character that I will thoroughly enjoy roleplaying as. However, there's no way for me to submit a sheet and it's against the... more
            • Post it here.Zeo, Wed Aug 3 2:31am
              At the very least it'll get a once-over. Gotta say though. Doesn't look like many are post in much of anything anymore.
              • Oi!Demios, Fri Aug 5 3:32pm
                I sent you an email, Zeo. You never responded! D: What email do you read nowadays? 'Cause heaven help me if I ever notice you on AIM or the like.
                • Stupid QuestionLock-Os, Wed Aug 10 5:54am
                  But is anybody on AIM anymore, let alone alive on this earth? Axel and Kail are off in the real world. Kail most likely filming the next big indie film. But Zeo? I only seen him on for a few days... more
              • Here you go.Foxxy, Wed Aug 3 11:12am
                Cecilia Fox Ranger-Interceptor Romantic, Optimist, Defender Daredevil -15000 Weaving through crowds, leaping off of buildings and dodging attacks are all second nature to Cecilia when the situation... more
                • Paragraphs are your friends...Demios, Thu Aug 4 8:51am
                  Reformatted because I couldn't be bothered to read a wall of text... Cecilia Fox Ranger-Interceptor Romantic, Optimist, Defender Daredevil -15000 Weaving through crowds, leaping off of buildings and... more
                  • OpinionsDemios, Thu Aug 4 9:01am
                    Kind of meh about her. You seemingly took a whole bunch of random advantages and disadvantages that you didn't explain in her back story very well. She sounds bi-polar. "Determination", "Obstinate"... more
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