Thanks for pointing that out. I doubt very much that I would have spotted that by myself, because I knew what I'd intended to write and so just read that (to the extent that when I first read your post I thought the two sentences were the same, and only managed to track down the difference after noticing they were different lengths).
It's been a while since I've read about an agent trying to concuss himself (which always amused me in the Original Series). I guess that with the advent of Bleeprin and neuralyzers it isn't really needed anymore, but it seems that Skeet is just a little old-school in that regard.
Hey guys, I'd like to offer myself up for consideration for Permission. The details of my proposed agents are as follows; Name: Skeet Age: 25 Appearance: He stands just over 5’ 8” tall, with dark... more
(As a beforehand note, I had this written up before VM posted, I was just working on the extensive 'concrit' stuff.) Okay.... A few comments, here and there. For one, line breaks between paragraphs... more
To address your comments: I will try to keep a better eye on my paragraph breaks. I'm glad you like both of my agents. As for Skeet not being allowed to use a neuralyzer, I'm currently intending on... more
First, congratulations! Your agents sound like a ton of fun, and your writing sample is entertaining, except for a few mechanical issues. VM says July is going to have some detailed concrit for you,... more
Firstly, I'm glad you like my agents. As for the semicolons, I honestly didn't realise I'd used that many. I'll try to keep an eye on them in the future, particularly when it comes to using them... more
Especially the "ambulatory pile" and repeated "concussing". There is one grammar problem: Skeet was so appalling bad at navigating HQ that he would likely starve before finding it unless someone took ... more
Re: I liked it. the Irish Samurai,Mon May 7 11:48am