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Huinesoron
Hat is off.
Wed Mar 29, 2017 11:29am
167.98.16.179

Something is bugging me about the writing samples, and I can't really pin down what. I think it might be a combination of little things, but I can't quite tease it out. Some of the dialogue feels off, I know that, and the flow of events can be a bit... jarring. Look back at the first sample; I think Shiny and Arden have four different conversations with barely a link between them. And the "suddenly illusion which solves everything" moment is very abrupt.

I don't know. Permission hat is off because I can't figure out what's bothering me.

(Also: "my card had grass and then I was transformed, therefore the RC that's just been assigned to us has grass" is, like, the worst chain of logic ever I think?)

hS

  • I present (drum-roll please), my Permission RequestJay - Awesomeness Central, Wed Mar 29 11:08am
    So, let's get down to it right away. Here are the agents: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ftZO67N6e-ahNyMNJBrgGrnGELQUzEZ5-ZTdAdLj87Q/edit And here are the writing prompts:... more
    • *dusts off his PG hat*Phobos, Wed Mar 29 2:02pm
      Every time I think I'm out... Anyway, let's take a look at what we have here. 1) Are you known in the community? Yeah, I know your name, at least, and I'm barely considered to be here. 2) Can you... more
      • A few thingsJay - Awesomeness Central, Wed Mar 29 2:26pm
        First off, the card I was basing Jace's character off is "Jace Beleren." Since that card didn't have a specific time period attached to it (other than after Alhammaret), I decided to make it right... more
        • Re: A few thingsPhobos, Wed Mar 29 2:41pm
          1) Jace was a teenager when he fought Alhammaret. He is mid-20's when he first shows up on Lorwyn (where that card came from). There were years between those two points. Also, it looks like he is... more
    • Hat is off. — Huinesoron, Wed Mar 29 11:29am
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