Lease this WebApp and get rid of the ads.
Wed Aug 2, 2017 5:12am

Well, let's have a look!

Do I know you? Yup! I've seen you on the Board for a while, and I also remember you being active in the Discord chat. You're definitely an active member of the community.

The characters: I have a few questions, but they're mainly small. They are:

-This bit in Crim's profile: "He tends to act like he thinks he is better than everyone else, though he doesnít actually believe as much and is only doing it for humorís sake." It's a bit of a weird thing to do, though then again, people can be weird. You've got to wonder how he started doing it and *why*. Or does this only actually show up in lines like his "Don't call me boss, young lady" line in the second prompt? If so, this suddenly makes a lot more sense to me.

-Crim's relationship to video games. From Google, I understand that he's from a video game continuum, which I assume is why he got placed in the Video Games division. How long has he been an agent? Has he been taking on missions in any canon other than his own prior to being partnered with Cynthia?

-This bit: "[Cynthia's] black hair is usually tied back in a ponytail, which she claims is a purely functional choice. Nobody believes her." I'm not entirely sure I'm catching the meaning of this properly--is it that people believe she's doing it for beauty purposes? Something else that I'm missing? Wouldn't mind some clarification here.

-I'd kind of love to see Crim bore a Sue to death sometime, mainly because it sounds like it could be fun to read. That's just a comment, though, not a critique.

Overall: the characters look good! My quibbles with them are pretty minor; the biggest one is probably how on earth Crim got to the point of acting stuck-up for humor's sake. They generally look interesting and even relatable. I'd say they're good (though I would like those explanations!) But can you write well with them?

The prompts: It seems you can! I enjoyed both prompts. Your characters feel pretty fleshed out, and don't heavily contradict their profile descriptions. They also work well as a team--they bounce off each other very well, and I could imagine them working well together and creating interesting mission reports. I liked Crim's moment of awkward compassion after hearing how Cynthia lost her last partner, and I generally just like their dynamic. I also didn't spot any writing errors: if they're there, they're so small I couldn't spot them even after several read-throughs. I do have a small quibble with Crim's opinion on Loki--it's perfectly possible to know and like both Norse mythology and Marvel's weird take on Asgard--but that's a matter of my personal opinion clashing with the character's (and maybe yours?) and not an actual issue.

Overall: I liked both of your prompts. Your writing style is fun to read. Your characters have a good dynamic, and I want to read more about them despite the fact that I'm unlikely to recognize any canon they go into.

The badfic: ...okay. These are not canons I know in the slightest, despite recognizing the Pegasus Knight title (I know someone with a character who is one. That's pretty much the sum of my knowledge). I skimmed the first and last chapters anyway, trying to get a sense of it; the most I can tell is that the protagonist does have a bit of More Competent and Awesome Than You syndrome going on. Past that, I'll trust your summary, since you actually know the canons. If you think you can get a good mission out of it, go ahead. I do notice that it's characters from Crim's home canon being upstaged, so I could see this working well.

And I believe all that leaves us with is that...this all looks good! Permission granted!

Congratulations! Go forth and write :)


  • Permission RequestYpsiFang, Tue Aug 1 2:33pm
    I've been meaning to write and submit this for a while. As you can see, I got around to doing that. Hopefully it goes well (on the other hand, I... am not entirely certain why I'd hope it goes... more
    • HE DID ITLarfen J. Stocke, esq., Wed Aug 2 5:33am
      HE GOT IT HE HAS IT He gots the perms! The permission! CONGRAGULATIONS, Ypsiman! If only I could find some way to morph your name into some context-suitable version. But I, er, can't. I tried.... more
      • Danke!YpsiFang, Wed Aug 2 2:55pm
        And thanks for putting in the effort to try to morph my name, I suppose. I imagine that is a long and arduous process involving Noodle Implements, perhaps including the occasional badger.
        • It starts as a badgerLarfen J. Stocke, esq., Thu Aug 3 2:03am
          what it comes out as is, er. Well. Whatever it is it comes out as, it squelches and is certainly not a badger.
          • OhYpsiFang, Thu Aug 3 10:02am
            Called it.
    • Hmmm. — Zingenmir, Wed Aug 2 5:12am
      • Congratulations.Hardric, Wed Aug 2 4:00pm
        And here is a little gift: a self-updating guidebook of all the deathtraps in the multiverse.
        • Gracias.YpsiFang, Wed Aug 2 8:01pm
          Can't say I'm entirely certain how that would work, but I imagine it would come in handy.
      • Whoo! Permission get!YpsiFang, Wed Aug 2 4:00pm
        Regarding the "Crim acting comically full of himself" thing: he mostly does it because he finds it amusing. He doesn't really have any deep reason for doing it, nor does it somehow tie into his... more
      • *cakefetti*Iximaz, Wed Aug 2 7:51am
        Congrats, Ypsi!
        • *eats cakefetti*YpsiFang, Wed Aug 2 3:02pm
          Thank you, thank you! You have convinced me I should let you live.
Click here to receive daily updates