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Re: stories (spoilers for mission)
Tue Aug 8, 2017 4:33pm
2600:8800:3106:e300:8cd9:5e25:3c13:f220

Baby Elf, Ent-queen
This mission had a few little details that I really liked. Firstly, you guys did a good job of continuously reminding the reader of the disguises the agents were wearing at any given time. This is especially important for me, as I have a tendency to keep reverting agents back to their normal appearance in my mental image of the story. (Which gets especially silly with Zeb; no need for blue ion lions wandering around in Middle-earth!) I also like the detail of having the notepad, writing utensil and weapon change forms between the Orc and Elf disguises.

I also really liked every time Agent Dawn started sharing things about Arda. I'm far from being a Tolkien expert myself, so I found all the knowledge and facts shared here interesting and informative. The details about Elvish names at the end I found particularly fun.

The absolute best thing about this mission is the assassination fake-out. There's not a single thing in the whole rest of the mission that made me think anything but a standard assassination was coming, which makes the surprise all the more wonderful and funny. Even better than subverting the usual violent moment, you guys even turn it into an opportunity for some genuine cuteness, which helps to keep the three agents distracted from the awkwardness of their personal situation. It's just a creative and fun twist, overall; well done, guys!

Happy Error List Time! You may have already fixed some of these, 'cause I pulled this mission up on my phone days ago and only got to read it yesterday at lunch. Anyway:

"When it did down, a pair of fair-haired Elves were standing in their places."

"The Sue stumbled to her little feet and promptly fell over, tripped by her the giant green dress . . ."

"The child thought about it, leaning her head against Dawn arm and frowning."
(Did a bottle of Dawn detergent just grow an arm?)

Also, this may have been intentional just to make that ending scene less complicated, but Gwilithiel switched from being in Zeb's RC at the start of the mission, to being back in Dawn's at the end. I haven't read any Pern yet; I do know fire-lizards are pretty dang intelligent, but would it be able to get back into Dawn's RC on its own? I don't think the Aviator knows where Dawn lives to help it . . .

Anyway, off to read the interlude . . .
/reads interlude

Meeting the Exes
Oh. Looks like fire-lizards can teleport. Ignore that last comment in the previous section, then . . .

I enjoyed this mainly because it was almost a study in character interaction. Exposing Zeb to new and unfamiliar personalities makes for all kinds of fun and unique dialogue interactions. It just goes to show the wide variety of characters in Headquarters, and helps to make HQ feel like the bustling, populated place it ostensibly is. Nothing majorly fancy or plot-changing happened, but I like it just for how down-to-earth and realistically conversational it is.

The one thing here I didn't get was the two separate references to Dawn not wearing nail polish. It's been a while since I read other Dawn stories, so sorry if I'm forgetting something already mentioned, but is the significance of her having plain fingernails?

—doctorlit, always plain-nailed

  • Historic releases!Iximaz and Zingenmir, Sat Aug 5 5:33pm
    From the graveyard of stories begun in 2015 comes the last mission of Dawn and Zeb's partnership. And in a new interlude , set several days after the mission, Dawn keeps her promise and brings Zeb to ... more
    • And I finished it.Hardric, Thu Aug 10 2:22pm
      While I'm a big fan of assassinations playing ironically,I find the twist you chose for this mission to be really interesting too. On a more personal note, I also like the way the part before the... more
    • Re: stories (spoilers for mission) — doctorlit, Tue Aug 8 4:33pm
      • When it did down Hieronymus Graubart, Wed Aug 9 4:27am
        What is wrong there? I became slightly confused when I read it, but then I thought it might be a legitimate use of "down" as a verb. HG
      • Very quickly:Zingenmir, Wed Aug 9 12:12am
        The nail polish thing is that Dawn generally wears sparkly nail polish. Almost all the time. The interlude, however, is set shortly after Des got stuck in that suit of cybernetic armor, and she's... more
        • Oh, okay.doctorlit, Wed Aug 9 10:45am
          Sorry, I kind of stopped reading new material at some point a couple years back, trying to plow through archiving all the PPC and OFUs. But it's gotten to the point where I never had time to do much... more
    • "IT'S SAUROMAN!"Hieronymus Graubart, Tue Aug 8 5:31am
      My imagination went immediately to a superhero in a dinosaur costume, or being an actual anthropomorphic dinosaur, haunting the mountains until the word world realizes that he is supposed to be... more
    • Just finished reading the missionAnonymous, Mon Aug 7 8:49pm
      And all I caught was a possible missing scene break. You might want to add a scene break before the paragraph starting "Inside the fic, Zeb ran a tongue over his protruding teeth and grimaced." Also, ... more
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