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Lemony Eggnog
This is fascinating.
Mon Sep 3, 2018 4:50pm

You have somehow managed to pick up on the small details from the most obscure source while missing the most crucial ones from the most obvious sources. How do you do it?

You get points for your actual story having better spelling than your comments, so at least you're making an effort there. That's more than I can say for some. And, though you kinda remind me of my own personal Johnny Snow, D4rkm0k, at least you set up a reasonably interesting cliffhanger instead of just ending it up with "and then they did sex to each other." I admit to being curious to know if the collar is just Gall's shrinking device or if there's actually going to be a bit of bondage in this.

To be clear, though, Thoth is WILDLY out of character. Gall not so much, but dang. PPC canon aside, are you sure you've read any 40k, like at all? I can recommend a few books I found particularly useful, if you like.

Also I don't know what some people have against the word "eyes." Eyes are important! They're the windows to the soul! Why must you turn them into creepy, inanimate orbs and spheres and lamps and whatnot? ... Wait, you didn't use lamps, did you? Do not take that as a suggestion!


(( I am still amused by this. ^_^ ))

  • "An Offer Taken" [Suggestive Themes]BlueBirb39, Mon Sep 3 4:13pm
    I was a 40k fan long pror to seein PPC, so I wantd to writ Toth. Aslo, I alway ssee peolle misineterpet the obviouse and intricate romance arcs thsy have been set up for charsfters. Somekne here's... more
    • /insert 'Twila the girl who was in luv with a vampyre' ref<3<3<3 I can't do this in reverse, Tue Sep 4 10:34am
      Toth and Gal are most ineresting! I do like it when the shy meets the bold~ And I might steal that 'undepressed' line myself! Would you write this the same if Thoth were a girl, though?
    • This is fascinating. — Lemony Eggnog, Mon Sep 3 4:50pm
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