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Lemony Eggnog
Ahahaha oh god, you're serious.
Thu Sep 6, 2018 11:41pm

Oh, boy. That's not an expression of exasperated disbelief—okay, it is, but I am also addressing you as the misguided kid I assume you are.

Listen, girl. It sounds like you're getting all your ideas about sex, specifically between men, from a certain class of fanfiction. And you know what? Liking that stuff is fine. I ain't here to kinkshame anybody. If you and your hypothetical partner wanna role-play like that, and you're both equally into it, and you know how to do it safely, sanely, and consensually, that's great! You do you.

Thing is, though, fanfic is not real life. If you approach the kink in real life the way the pe—

... the way the hu—

(Deep breath, Lemony, you can do this.)

... the way the caricatures characters in those stories do...

(Got there!)

... wait, what was my point again?

Oh, right. I have several. 1) HEALTHY relationships are founded on good communication. 2) The sex acts you like to perform or have performed on you have nothing to do with your value as a(n) [insert gender/sex/orientation here]. 3) There's no such thing as an "alpha" or "beta" or "omega" in real life—no, not even in wolves. Do not get me started on wolves. And 4) "expressions of power through sexual dominance" is not how decent human people behave toward people they care about!

Unless, of course, it has been thoroughly discussed beforehand and everyone involved has given their enthusiastic consent, secure in the knowledge that they can use their safeword and end the scene at any time. That's different.

So. Before you lecture me on my level of sophistication again, maybe you wanna read some stuff that wasn't written by Coneheads purporting to represent actual human behavior first? Better yet, pick up some proper literature on the subject of sex and sexuality. Don't be shy: curiosity is normal! Please, for the love of little green apples, PLEASE explore outside the shitty relationship box!


(( Well that got longer than I intended. Sheesh. Lemony has Opinions On This Topic. But this shouldn't surprise anyone, since most of them are mine, too. Just with more condescension and sarcasm.

(( Anyway... yey. ^_^ I'll post the next bit tomorrow, probably. I gotta look it over again, and it's too late to mess around with it right now anyway.

~Neshomeh ))

  • "Cute."ShadowMoonDarkSun, Thu Sep 6 7:28pm
    How absolutely adorable. However, while it might but cute, it lacks all sophistication. It feels unrealistic and fake. This isn't what two men would do with one another. Or even one man. What I'm... more
    • Ahahaha oh god, you're serious. — Lemony Eggnog, Thu Sep 6 11:41pm
      • You just don't understand men.ShadowMoonDarkSun, Fri Sep 7 4:21pm
        ((...And thank you for giving this alter ego some well-deserved smacks, Neshomeh.))
        • I'm sorry, I must've blinked.Lemony Eggnog, Fri Sep 7 10:06pm
          When did I fall through the rift into your home dimension, where men aren't human beings? Dare I ask what the women are like here? --Lemony (( And there's the peak snark I have so much fun... more
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