Santa Cipher
Thu Dec 6, 2018 12:50pm

Up on the housetop click, click, click...
Fell down the chimney and broke his dĖ

Anywho, today is December 6th, known in Poland as St. Nick's Day. It's on this day that we celebrate the Man with the Gifts, flying through the sky on a sleigh full of Christmas cheer, the patron saint of prostitutes (look it up)... Old St. Nick!

And because of that, I've prepared tons of gifts for you, my lovely PPC friends. You are one of the few fragments of joy in my life, and I can't imagine having better friends.

Now then, the rules are simple: Pick a gift, any gift. Describe the box you're choosing and I'll tell you what you get!

    • /attempts to rescue a good gift by being lateS.M.F., Sat Dec 15 12:06pm
      I'd like that moderately-heavy-looking brown square, please! ... Okay, so it's more of a rectangle, but still.
    • The box is not a box at all.twistedwindowpane, Wed Dec 12 9:22am
      It's a zip file. My gift is a piece of software. I really hope it's another game development tool. -Twistey
    • Yay presents!eatpraylove, Sun Dec 9 5:01pm
      I want the one with the cute red snowman wrapping paper, please. :)
    • Dang they're going fast.Hardric, Sun Dec 9 1:05am
      Dibs on the dark red rectangular box here in the bottom. The one which seems medium-sized. I've got a good feeling about this one.
    • *rifles through the boxes before settling on one*Four Moons Watching, Sat Dec 8 1:26am
      Can I have that box with the night-sky-pattern wrapping paper, the one that's big enough for me to sit in?
      • Ah, what a lovely floral gift...Santa Cipher, Sat Dec 8 6:18pm
        Okay, it's not technically a flower, but... eh, it's green at least. Also, hey! A free box house!
    • WellShade, Sat Dec 8 12:13am
      The small blue box, about 10 cm cubed. The blue is peppered with small grey stars.
    • Small black boxHellga, Fri Dec 7 11:03pm
      Just about palm-sized and not very tall. And it doesn't rattle when shaken!
    • Gimme!SATV-26S Athena, Fri Dec 7 8:47pm
      The blue and green one, please. Looks like a cylinder.
    • Allright!Thoth, Fri Dec 7 5:21pm
      I choose the package wrapped in blue and gold, with ornate patterns on the wrapping paper.
    • I'll pick...Ozzielot, Fri Dec 7 5:12pm
      The long, narrow box.
      • Inside the long box...Santa Cipher, Sat Dec 8 5:07pm
        Is the ultimate equipment for every tired agent... who is also in need of a weapon
    • Let's do this.Grundleplith, Fri Dec 7 4:10pm
      I'll take the cubic one about a foot across, please. The forest green one with a silver ribbon. It smells nice, like an old book. But I've never seen a perfectly cubic book.
    • It's about the size of a softball, with gold Gallifreyan writing across the deep blues, and if I'm honest I just want to know how they managed to wrap a dodecahedron when I have trouble with a... more
      • To not destroy the beautiful packagingSanta Cipher, Fri Dec 7 3:09pm
        You use unknown Time Lord science magic to extract the contents without harming the vessel revealing... Well, the only thing a quick-thinker like you would enjoy The Infinity-Sided Die!
        • Ooh! Aegis, Fri Dec 7 3:25pm
          If Probabilitor the Annoying is still voiced by Weird Al, I can get him to work on another season of Milo Murphy's law! It'll only take a little under an eternity to roll it, which is still... more
    • I have chosen the following...Calliope, Fri Dec 7 2:34pm
      My box is one cubit long, and three hands wide. It is wrapped in green, with a white silk ribbon wrapped around it. Occasionally, the paper shimmers.
      • That is the light of knowledge!Santa Cipher, Fri Dec 7 3:05pm
        And inside of the box, you see another box with a plastic see-through front. It's the cousin of the Magic Eight Ball that actually works!
    • Can I have the cubical one that's three feet tall?SkarmorySilver, Fri Dec 7 1:01pm
      I think it's the one that rattles and emits growling noises every so often, wrapped in golden wrapping and a blue silk ribbon, with holes on its lid that emit puffs of smoke.
      • Oh, that one!Santa Cipher, Fri Dec 7 3:04pm
        Sure, it was waiting just for you! As soon as you whisk the smoke away, the box reacts to your touch and the lid pops up. Something quickly trots away, and faces you jumping and taping the floor... more
    • I would like...Snowblaze, Fri Dec 7 7:21am
      the cubical white box which feels extremely light.
      • Inside the cube...Santa Cipher, Fri Dec 7 3:01pm
        which indeed feels light... because it's full of deflated plastic... is Inflatable chicken rider costume!
        • Right...Snowblaze, Sun Dec 9 9:15am
          I shall charge into battle on the inflatable chicken of doom. Or not.
    • Okay, Iíll play...OpinionedAngel, Fri Dec 7 12:43am
      How about the medium-sized box with the green wrapping paper covered in pineapples and Santas with Hawaiian shirts? Iím hoping for something summery (as Iím not really a winter person)!
    • Ooh, ooh, the comically large box!Neshomeh, Thu Dec 6 10:53pm
      Is it a refrigerator box? It might be a refrigerator box. It's so big that one roll of wrapping paper wasn't enough, and the natural-tone Christmas tree paper and cartoon snowmen on bright blue paper ... more
      • Inside the refrigirator box...Santa Cipher, Fri Dec 7 2:48pm
        Well, after just prying it a little bit open, the front explodes and buries you under a mountain of packing peanuts. Edible, if you need to know. However, inside it only one box... a big one. Opening ... more
        • Wow!Neshomeh, Fri Dec 7 10:36pm
          That is... completely useless to me! Thanks, Santa Cipher! {= D ^_~ ~Neshomeh
    • I'll take the one in the clay pot...61516, Thu Dec 6 9:09pm's clearly very old, and whatever's inside it might have archeological value.
      • Inside the clay pot...Santa Cipher, Fri Dec 7 2:39pm
        Is certainly some kind of statue... You gotta break the pot open to take it out. After a short struggle, you find A statue commemorating The Great Gnome Massacre. The garden gnome population had only ... more
    • It's a knackered plastic carrier bag of the kind that costs fivepence and in so doing has saved Earth from the threat of climate change literally forever. One of the handles has torn in half and the... more
      • Inside the bag...Santa Cipher, Fri Dec 7 2:31pm
        Are five bottles of the finest alcoholic beverage any PPC agent could possibly think of... which is also the source of the smell . . . . .
    • I'm going to pick the envelopeSillyPhilly, Thu Dec 6 4:40pm
      A completely flat, red envelope with my name hastily scrawled upon it. It's not even sealed properly.
      • Inside the envelope...Santa Cipher, Fri Dec 7 2:20pm
        Is a thin plaque made of metal. It contains the words of ultimate wisdom
        • ...wowSillyPhilly, Fri Dec 7 2:35pm
          -holds it to his chest- I will cherish this forever.
    • I'm going to pick the small box.Iximaz, Thu Dec 6 12:54pm
      It's about the size of a shelled coconut, and wrapped in silver paper with a blue ribbon.
      • Inside your box...Santa Cipher, Thu Dec 6 12:58pm
        Is indeed a coconut! However, the coconut is much lighter than average and you see the cut line. After opening the coconut, you see . . . . . . .
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