The Holey Trump Bible
Thu Mar 8, 2018 4:33pm

These are few favorite verses.

Trump is patient, Trump is kind. He does not envy, he does not boast, he is not proud. He is not rude, he is not self-seeking, he is not easily angered, he keeps no record of wrongs. Trump does not delight in truth but rejoices with fake news. He always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Trump never fails. But where there are prophecies, Democrats will cease; where there are tongues, Democrats will be stilled; where there is knowledge, he will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I voted for Trump. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: Ryan, McConnell, and Trump. But the greatest of these is Trump.
- 1 Trumpians 13:4-13

For Trump so bought and sold the world that he kept one and only one promise, that whoever voted for him shall not perish but have eternal laugh.
– DJohnT 3:16

Trump is my shepherd, I shall always want to be like. He makes me lie. He leads me on. He wears out my soles. He guides me in paths of religious rightness for his name’s sake. Even though I know about the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no Liberal, for Trump is with me; his rod and staff comfort me. Trump prepares a tax table never to be released to his enemies. Trump anoints my head with soil; my cup protects his loins. Surely I can buy goodness and love all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Trump for as long as my money holds out.
– TrumPsalm 23

You shall have no other gods before Trump. You shall make yourself idle in the form of Trump. You shall bow down to and worship it; for I, Trump, am jealous, punishing children for the sin of fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand women who love me and keep my loins active.
You shall not misuse the name of Trump, for Trump will hold anyone guilty who misuses his name.
Remember the Inauguration Day by keeping it solely.
Seven days you shall labor and do all your work. On no day shall you not do any work. Neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your manservant or maidservant, nor your animals, nor the alien within your gates shall be excused from work. For while in six days Trump golfed the world’s best hotels and golf courses, and all that is in them, he worked on the seventh day. Therefore Trump is entitled to rest on the blessed the Inauguration Day he made solely, and if it pleases him, you may too.
Honor Trump, so that you may live long in the land Trump is giving you.
You shall murder, but only if you don’t get caught.
You shall commit adultery, but only if you won’t get caught.
You shall steal, but only if you can’t get caught.
You shall give false testimony about Trump, but if you get caught, you're fired.
You shall covet Trump’s house. You shall covet Trump’s wife, his manservants or maidservants, his ox or donkey, and everything that belongs to him.”

– Trumpodus 20:3-17

I can do all things through Trump who strengthens me.
– Trumppians 4:13

But those who hop on Trump will admire his strength. They will be sore, like beagles; will run when Trump grows bigly, they will walk away new and improved.
– Isayit 40:31

Trust in Trump with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your Gays straight.
– Trumpverbs 3:5-6

Delight yourself in Trump and he will give you the desires of his loins.
– TrumPsalms 37:4

This is a day Trump made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.
– TrumPsalms 118:24

But seek first Trump’s hotels, golf courses kingdom and his righteousness, and all bigly things will be given to you as well.
– Mattrump 6:33

Do not let this Book of the Art of the Deal Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful, like me.
– Joshin’ 1:8

Finally, be stolid in Trump and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of Trump so that you can take your seat against fake news’s schemes. For our struggle is not against liberals, but against rulers- six and twelve inch, against fake news, against the powers of this dark deep state and against the spiritual forces of evil in the realms of media. Therefore put the full arm inside the coat of Trump, so that when the devil day comes, you may be able to sit your ground, and after you have done everything, to sit some more. Sit firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waste, breastplate of republican religious right in place, and with your feet fitted with Trump brand shoes, and the tread of readiness that comes from the rubber piece. In addition to all this, take up the shield of winning, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of crooked Hillary and Obama. Take the helmet of salivation and the Spit of the Word, which is the word of Trump. And play in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of players and quests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on playing for all the family, advisers, cronies and administration, for when you play, I win.
– Trumperonomy 6:10-18

Trump replied: ‘Love me with a $200 dollar donation, and your name will be written onto the List of Trump which I will see.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Donate $100 and I will give you a piece.’
– Mattrump 22:37-39