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Joe Umland
Surprises and Mysteries.
Mon Feb 19, 2018 20:21


I hope Advanced is still ok and all that and your last letter sounded good but that’s not why I’m writing. I’m writing because I’m having a baby.

And that was how Joe came to have orange juice in his sinuses.

Coughing and sputtering and clutching at his nose, orange juice staining the front of his robes, Joe held Julian’s letter carefully away from himself to protect it as he rummaged for his wand to clean himself up. If the ink smudged, he would not be able to verify that he had just read what he thought he had just read, and it was definitely something he was going to need to verify later. Later, and probably repeatedly, because he was pretty sure it was going to be some time before he stopped half-assuming his brain had dreamed that up.

Not immediately of course but this summer. Just acting as a host right now, as John would probably say when a ghoulish mood. Thought I should tell you before I tell him so he does not tell you in some bizare way and so you can be matteroffact if/when he freaks out if he does that via letter. If I die somehow, it’s your job to make sure Baby gets to be very smart from Mom and John, but to not let them screw Baby up the ways they are Screwed Up. And this is something I need to talk to you about sereously since John does not have enough after your birthday, but it can wait until Christmas.

Julian had tried to cross out part of a sentence, but Joe could, with a little effort, still make out what it said. Since John did not have enough what? What did Julian need to talk to him about…’sereously’? And what in the world could Julian need to talk to him seriously about that could only be talked about after his birthday? What – both with all that and just…having a baby at all – was Julian playing at?

In his distraction, he didn’t initially hear the scraping noises. It was only when he looked up again that he realized something about the table in front of him looked wrong. It took another moment still to realize that every dish within about four feet of himself had suddenly drawn together in a neat circle around his place setting, forming ranks like a peculiar, low-walled tureen-and-plate fort.

“What just happened?” he asked the nearest person blankly, wondering if someone was pulling a joke on him.

    • Yup. I feel that. Georgia Kirkly, Tue Feb 20 08:39
      It wasn’t like they really needed her. With only three names on the Teppenpaw sign up sheet, that was a lie it was getting harder and harder to tell herself. She’d sort of been technically made... more
      • No kidding.Joe, Tue Feb 20 11:39
        Joe did not know Georgia Kirkly personally, but the facts he did know about her – singer, the new House prefect – did make him somewhat doubt she’d have any particular reason to try to block his... more
        • Wish I wasGeorgia, Thu Feb 22 05:19
          “O-ok,” Georgia nodded, when Joe assured her he hadn’t made the teacup do that. “I don’t think you did,” she assured him. To be fair, it had been her first thought, and had nearly made her just run... more
          • Is everything under control here?Professor Xavier, Thu Feb 22 10:53
            Nathan had first noticed the trouble brewing at the Teppenpaw table when a small fort of plates and dishes and cutlery and food formed around Joe Umland. Then Georgia Kirkly walked over, and he... more
            • I have cause for doubt, sir.Joe, Thu Feb 22 13:32
              Joe thought, he really did, but he honestly could not think of anything he had done recently which would make another person consider him an enemy. “No,” he said. “Unless you count the Headmaster,... more
              • Joe’s main enemy was the headmaster? Wow. That was hardcore. She did recall hearing a rumour that Joe had punched the man once, but had dismissed that as being completely wild and crazy. But perhaps... more
                • Keep calm and carry onNathan Xavier, Wed Feb 28 10:01
                  Nathan listened to first Joe then Georgia explain the situation with varying degrees of clarity. The take away seemed to be that someone had charmed Joe’s teacup to say mean things about Georgia, but ... more
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