Dorian Montoir
On behalf of rabbits, I object
Fri Apr 5, 2019 08:56

Professor Brooding's wedding had quite possibly been the best eight hours of his life. It had been so perfect, and he had found it hard to keep the promise he had made to his mother that he would come home by a pre-arranged portkey. He had wanted to stay forever. Everything had been so lovely, the whole day had been infused with gentleness and warmth and happiness. He was also quite in love with the professors' friend, Evangeline - or at least with the fact she spoke one his languages and had kept feeding him. He was fifteen, and thus there was a fine line between romantic attraction and being given delicious food. Beyond that, it was the furthest from home he’d ever been, especially without an kind of parental supervision, and the taste of freedom he’d got had been thrilling. It had been so easy to imagine a life outside that which was planned out for him, but one which was happy - full of friends, and warm sunshine, and good food…

And then he had stumbled back onto the terrace in Québec, and barely touched down before there was a cry of ’Nǐ huíláile’ - you’re back, relieved, as if he had been somehow late. And he had leant on the low stone wall, feeling slightly more sick and dizzy than he usually did from a portkey, and she had dropped the warming charm that usually bounded the terrace to let him take sharp lungfuls of cold air, and had gently brushed a hand through his hair. And when he straightened up, feeling better, he realised she was shivering with cold. For his sake. Too focussed on his well-being to cast a warming charm on herself. And they had taken each other inside, where she had a pot of tea waiting - somehow the exact blend he hadn’t even known he wanted, and he’d felt guilty at any thought of abandoning her.

It was still the biggest conflict. He wanted to run away from home, and just take Jehan away to live in Greece with him, and be fed by Evangeline and not have any worries. And he wanted never to leave his mother or make her sad because she was wonderful and she loved him and he loved her. The little taste he’d got of a different kind of life had only made that schism run deeper. It didn’t feel like one side was going to win out against the other - like he was going to ever know how to choose or to deal with this - it felt only like the split between the two halves of him was getting bigger, and the most likely outcome was that it would grow and grow until he ripped clean in two. And the amortentia-laced flowers at the wedding had only served to underline it. Because they smelt of three things to him; they smelt of Jehan’s sweaters (of course they did) and of old books, but also of jasmine tea. They were different kinds of love, but the comfort of home pulled on his heart as strongly as the boy he loved. Almost. Or as much? He didn’t know.

He had thrown himself for the remainder of the holidays into being a good son. Into making his mother smile, and spending time curled up at her side reading, letting her fuss over him. He wanted to say his motivation was just enjoying it, but he couldn’t help but worry, let other thoughts creep in... Was he was putting on a show to compensate for how he was going to fail later? Was he making the most of it in case it got snatched away if he got the other half of what he wanted? It didn’t feel simple and uncomplicated to just enjoy being loved any more, and that sucked.

Outside of this, the rest of the holiday had gone as he predicted. When he wasn’t around his mother, he was subject to trip jinxes, or the books he was reading suddenly jumping up and pinching his nose or hitting him over the head. He had got good, over the years, at dodging and diving, of staying out of Matthieu’s reach, but now that his brother could use magic at home, it had shifted things, and the range for being a target had become much wider. He had found himself thinking a lot of a certain someone coming to his rescue… It had been interesting to meet someone back home who seemed wholly opposed to everything his brother represented, and he could not help but drift into the occasional daydream where Jean-Loup swooped in to save him from Matthieu. They were not romantic fantasies. He did not kiss imaginary Jean-Loup. First and foremost, he was in love with Jehan, and it would have felt like a betrayal of that to go around kissing other boys, even if only in his own head. Secondly, he was pretty sure Jean-Loup would not want Dorian to imagine doing that with him, and thus it felt a bit rude. That logic had once applied to Jehan too, but somewhere along the way he’d just given into the fact that fantasising about making out with Jehan was impossible to avoid.

All these factors combined to make him feel rather down on his luck as he entered the hall. However, he threw Professor Brooding a cheerful smile nonetheless as he suspected she was still happily riding high from the time in Greece, and he didn’t want to spoil that. He’d been getting better and better recently at smiling convincingly even when he didn’t feel like it. It had been something that he needed more and more often. Close up, he thought his friends might notice the cracks, but from this distance, it would pass.

He found himself watching Tatiana as he waited for everyone to settle - she was especially eye-catching this evening. He had tried to draw a correlation between her jewellery and her moods but had never reached any definitive conclusions; the three moods in which Tatiana wore above and beyond her usual level of sparkles appeared to be 1) when she was feeling down and wanted to cheer herself up 2) when she was feeling exuberantly happy and wished to display this and 3) when she had new sparkles. Given that this covered, essentially, almost all of Tatya’s spectrum of emotions, it was a little hard to divine from. He hoped it was option two or three.

He didn’t particularly notice the headmaster’s speech. Rather, he noticed the scent of food and everyone around him starting to move. He found he was sitting next to Katerina, who was smiling. She did this more than Tatya. He was unsure whether this because she was happier (or amused) more often or simply trying to be more American (Tatya having educated him on American over-smiling). Still, when someone smiled - whatever the reason - they usually expected one in return. He gave her one that would pass for cheerful and friendly.

“Good evening. Our Tanya is especially shiny tonight. Good news, bad news, or simply Christmas gifts?” he asked.

  • Silly kids, Trix are for rabbits.Katerina Vorontsov, Thu Apr 4 10:57
    It was peculiar, Katya thought, watching other girls around the room as they entered and took their seats. At home, a woman wore jewels, or displayed them in her home, as a show of wealth and taste,... more
    • On behalf of rabbits, I object — Dorian Montoir, Fri Apr 5 08:56
      • Katya was not precisely pleased to have everyone else also noticing Tatiana, but neither was she surprised. Dorian was not, after all, blind, and neither was the rest of the student body. "Some... more
        • You are not saying that we play tricks?Dorian, Fri Apr 5 21:59
          ”Brosh,” Dorian shrugged with a slightly apologetic smile, showing that he knew the Russian rather than supplying the English. “You can say to me jewellery words in Russian. I will understand,” he... more
          • Katya knew her sister rather well. Katya knew that her sister and Dorian were very close. Katya even knew that men ought to have some interest in baubles, if only so they knew the value of their... more
            • Oh. That sounds much more reasonable. Dorian, Fri Apr 5 23:47
              “No, I learn from Tatya,” Dorian confirmed, when Katerina - if he understood her correctly - asked whether he had learnt such words due to her sister or a family business. He knew some of them in... more
              • Naturally. I am very reasonable.Katerina, Sat Apr 6 10:23
                Katya did not know if she knew how to explain the issue with her sister in such a way that it would be comprehensible to someone who, to her surprise, seemed to genuinely think it was something that... more
                • Except towards your sisterDorian, Mon Apr 8 08:30
                  Dorian was rather taken aback by Katya’s comments. Having spent his whole life having his sibling complain that he behaved in a way that didn’t fit his gender, he wondered what was wrong with Tatya... more
                  • I think I'm being fair to her as well.Katerina, Mon Apr 8 17:38
                    "Tatya is devochka," confirmed Katya. "But she should be big one now. Instead she is like - " she struggled with words - "she like the girl who - oh, what is word?" she asked, snapping her fingers... more
                    • I am inclined to disagreeDorian, Mon Apr 8 20:11
                      Ah. Tatya behaved like a little girl. Not Tatya behaved like a little girl. Dorian tilted his head curiously, appraising this assessment. This was never something he had much considered. He suppossed ... more
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