Nathaniel
Fair. Let me try again.
Fri Jun 14, 2019 12:44
67.140.198.240

As soon as he asked the question, Nathaniel knew it was the wrong one. It was quite obvious what Jeremy was doing; the actual question was why he was doing it.

Did it wrong. Not good enough. Not good enough. Not good enough -

Nathaniel forced himself to swallow, to take even breaths. His throat was tight, his heart jerking sporadically and painfully in his chest. He looked at his hands, and was relieved to see that they looked steady, even though they didn’t feel it. Good. He could not think about being inadequate now. His family needed him.

“I can’t do that,” he pointed out reasonably. “Jeremy....” What was he supposed to do? What were the right words? “What’s wrong?” he asked. “Why are you - doing this? Can...can I help?”

This offer was made hesitantly. He didn’t know what to do to help. He and Jeremy had never been close, not really - Nathaniel supposed be wished he had a brother proper rather than just something else to worry about, but he never knew what to say or do to fix that. With Sylvia he could let his guard down, but Sylvia had parents to take care of her - she didn’t need Nathaniel to always be strong, or a perfect example, because while she knew he would take care of her if she needed that, there were other people who could do that too. Jeremy and Mama just had him, so he didn’t want them to doubt him in the slightest. He had always felt like he was looking after Jeremy, but...obviously he had failed, and now here he was risking Jeremy saying ‘yes’ and leaving it to Nathaniel to figure out what to do with that, when he had already clearly failed somewhere, and -

Not good enough. Not good enough. Not good enough -

“Because kicking the hedge isn’t going to help. You’re just going to hurt yourself and...” he rambled, reverting to offering Jeremy concrete points where he could improve. “And not fix anything.”

  • You're not helpful!Jeremy Mordue, Fri Jun 14 06:32
    Great. It had to be Nathaniel. Nathaniel, who was perfect and did everything right, was now going to point out to Jeremy how he was failing again. How he should just learn to behave and not let this... more
    • Fair. Let me try again. — Nathaniel , Fri Jun 14 12:44
      • Keep diggingJeremy Mordue, Sat Jun 15 22:35
        He couldn’t leave. He wanted to help. He was worried that Jeremy was going to hurt himself. And Jeremy’s solution didn’t fix anything. Right. That was the real problem. Not that Jeremy was going to... more
        • I'm trying my best.Nathaniel, Sun Jun 16 15:37
          Nathaniel realized pretty much instantly that he had clearly not helped yet. He did not think that noticing this was any great measure of perceptiveness on his part, however. Anyone could have seen... more
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