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I don't feel adequate, thinking I'm a monster in disguise
Wed May 2, 2018 09:02

Ok. So. He didn’t know… Which meant that it was probably good that she’d not just come out and said she was half veela, cos that would have just been met with a blank stare. Although now she had the job of defining what one was. Of shaping Parker’s impression.

Her own personal take on it was definitely a lot more monster-focussed than some of the textbooks, perhaps even a little distorted. Cleo thought of it as brutally honest. She had read several textbook descriptions of veela - almost invariably written by men - and the way they glamorised them made her stomach churn. Long, flowing descriptions of their ‘ethereal beuaty’ and their ‘irresistible charm.’ She could practically feel their eyes wandering over these women’s ‘flawless skin’ and their ‘lithe bodies.’ The violence was mentioned, sometimes almost taken seriously. But it was equally often treated as a footnote. Occasionally it was even woven into the sensual narrative. The thrill of the danger. All of the writers seemed to regard veela as dangerous but somehow hugely desirable. A naughty little thrill. Cleo did not see herself that way for any number of reasons. She was deeply afraid of what she could do to other people. The idea of causing people to hurt themselves was horrifying. But she also was alarmed by the way these men talked about veela, and was starting to open her eyes to the fear that her daddy saw for her. Especially since that incident with Winston. He had dressed her up like a little dolly. And she knew that was the thin end of the wedge… It wasn’t like he had done anything but he had wanted to see her a certain way. Have her be on show. To look. It had been humiliating and violating. But she couldn’t even really blame him because she, somehow, had done that to him. Made him do that to her… It wasn’t like Winston had ever given her the time of day before. And if Parker was going to know the truth, he needed the cold, harsh truth. The fact that she was a monster and he was in danger. Not the glamorised, textbook version. Not the idea that she was thrilling or - she couldn’t even think it, think of Parker thinking it without blushing - sexy. She didn’t want him to see her that way. She didn’t want anyone to see her that way. And she also wanted his honest reaction. If she just told him what she was, she’d never know how much he was covering for her sake, trying to be nice.

“They’re not very nice,” she told him. “They’re these… sort of bird monsters. And they can throw fire. They’re very destructive. But they can pretend to be humans. They spend a lot of their time looking like people, actually, to the point that they have… I mean, they get called like… almost people, by the law. And when they’re being people, they can… kind of hypnotise guys. Like, they make them lose their minds. It’s all really creepy. I kind of think that’s worse than a straight up monster in some ways, don’t you? At least when something looks monstrous on the outside, you know you need to run. I mean, not with things like your birdfish that are nice really, but things that are snapping their teeth and swiping their claws at you… It’s not like its deceptive.”

  • New Year, Same YouParker Fitzgerald, Tue May 1 11:03
    December 31st seemed like it was going to be a good day. Parker hadn't been able to give Cleo her present yet, because he wanted to do it in person, and he hadn't seen her since the end of term. He... more
    • I don't feel adequate, thinking I'm a monster in disguise — Cleo, Wed May 2 09:02
      • Hrmmm... wanna know a secret? That's being a teenagerParker Fitzgerald, Thu May 3 09:14
        Cleo was still serious, but she was talking about these bird creatures in such a way that Parker used as much will power as he had not to look at Cleo incredulously. He didn't get the point. It... more
        • I don't think it's just thatCleo, Fri May 4 08:36
          “Huh?” Cleo asked, when Parker mentioned something called a jayjay. He seemed to be figuring out how to explain, so she waited… Partly because she wanted to know what he understood about this whole... more
          • But it's a little that tooParker, Fri May 11 08:23
            He could tell from her face and her voice that he had mixed up her thoughts. He had obviously derailed her from her conversation. Her voice, which had sounded so determined before was shaking. That... more
            • Keep back and no one gets hurtCleo, Sat May 12 21:33
              “But is he still at home in the holidays? Are you… are you safe from him?” she pressed. She had enough contact with the Muggle world to understand what military school meant, more or less. Being... more
              • You can hurt me, by disappearing againParker Fitzgerald, Tue May 22 13:49
                As Parker let go of Cleo, even though hugging her had made him feel better, he saw how stiff and tense she looked. He didn't know if he had done something wrong, and upon seeing her, had immediately... more
                • Or with fire. Or mind control.Cleo, Fri May 25 07:04
                  What Parker said was, for the most part, comfortingly sensible. He wasn’t coming out with trite cliches, or trying to tell her there was nothing wrong her. He got the problem. He acknowledged that... more
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