Over and over, all day long
Fri Jan 11, 2019 20:38

OOC - oops realised I never specified him sitting down and then suddenly he was. I pictured him more having taken a seat at some logical point, rather than collapsing to the floor in a miserable heap.

“I know,” he nodded miserably, when Professor Brooding described exactly how he was feeling, “I… I thought falling in love would be wonderful. But so far, mostly it’s scary.”

He held onto her gratefully, his arms around her, his face resting on her shoulder but turned outward, trying not to breathe too much of the smell of her jasmine perfume, which reminded him so much of his mother. He focussed instead on the tickle of her hair on the back of his hand, on staring at the things around the room that made it Professor Brooding’s office - the potions bottles, the clutter of the natural world; shells, huge leaves, even a pair of fairy wings, all oddities his mother would never have displayed at home - even though they blurred in and out of focus through his tears.

She promised it would be okay. And Professor Brooding had never been an adult who told sweet little lies however comforting they were. When things were bad or could go wrong or she didn’t know the answers, she admitted it. Dorian was not totally sure that she was right… He had questions about if this, and if that, and how it would be ok if they happened… But he knew she meant that. She believed that. And he had her, and he always would. There was only one thing she’d got wrong, so far.

“I do not feel like I should not love him. I do love him. Therefore… I should.” That sounded like a logical fallacy when he put it like that, like very circular reasoning, “Even if it was possible to wish to un-love someone…. That would be something you should never do. I want to be in love with him. I just… I want that he loves me too. And I want it to be okay with my family,” his voice cracked on this last sentiment, because that seemed by far and away the most impossible part of the whole problem. And with that, the floodgates opened, on every fear, every angle of the problem, every dark little corner that his mind had strayed to in the last twelve months, accompanied by a solid wave of tears.

“What if… What if I tell Jehan how I feel, and he doesn’t like it, and he doesn’t want to be my friend any more? And what if he tells everyone else, and then my other friends don’t like me either? Or people like- or mean people start hurting me? And what if my family finds out, or if I tell them, and they don’t love me anymore? Or they think, if this is how I behave, that I cannot be at Sonora, and they take me away? Am I…. Is it too much- is it crazy to worry about all these things, or do you think they really could happen?”

  • I had a pet rock once.Mary Brooding, Fri Jan 11 10:41
    Mary grimaced at the realization she had perhaps field to mention her family members' deaths before. It was a morbid topic and not one she preferred to spring on people. Her grief ran deep but it had ... more
    • Over and over, all day long — Dorian, Fri Jan 11 20:38
      • This too shall pass.Mary Brooding, Sun Jan 13 01:58
        Mary considered quietly and carefully. She was loathe to frustrate or embarrass Dorian, but he was a rational boy and she doubted that comfort would help him any. She couldn't use Tabitha as a... more
        • “Can she do that?” he asked, in a frightened voice when Professor Brooding talked about the risk of Professor Skies firing her for marrying Professor Hawthorne. He knew people could be mean but there ... more
          • Undo! Backup! Reverse! Abort!Mary Brooding, Mon Jan 14 17:45
            Mary grimaced, realizing with a big lump of dread that she shouldn't have used the example that she did. This wasn't exactly the time to admit that yes, sometimes people of non-normative sexual... more
            • Come back!Dorian, Tue Jan 15 19:40
              "Ok," Dorian nodded, when Professor Brooding assured him that he wasn't about to be kicked out. "And are any of those other things going to happen? To you?" he asked, noticing that she had only... more
              • I'm always here. Mary Brooding, Wed Jan 23 20:51
                Mary allowed her shoulders to relax, surprised by how much tension they'd in carrying through this conversation. She was certain that she was projecting, or possibly just confronting some of her old... more
                • GoodDorian, Sat Jan 26 21:39
                  Nothing bad was going to happen to Professor Brooding. That was one less thing to worry about. Well… that was one thing to worry less about. He wasn’t sure he could stop worrying altogether. He... more
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