Come back!
Tue Jan 15, 2019 19:40

"Ok," Dorian nodded, when Professor Brooding assured him that he wasn't about to be kicked out. "And are any of those other things going to happen? To you?" he asked, noticing that she had only really answered regarding his fate.

It was nice to hear that he was brave. It was even nicer to hear that it was ok to be scared, because that definitely felt much more like something he could relate to right now. He did not feel very brave, avoiding admitting his feelings and sitting here with tear-stained cheeks. 'Scared of absolutely everything' seemed a much more accurate description than 'brave' and it was nice to know that Professor Brooding thought there was nothing wrong with feeling that way, and some of his fear was reasonable.

Her logic about the rest of it seemed somewhat circular. There will only be problems if they are not good people. You think they are good people, so there won't be problems... And yet, if it was that simple, why was he so worried? He wasn't sure of their reactions. He could see certain reasons to be hopeful, but he could also doubt those would be enough. He was fairly sure his mother would be disappointed, in spite of what Professor Brooding said. What he needed was a world view that allowed for a negative reaction but still let him view his mother as a good person. Or some way of making sure that, when he told her, it would definitely be ok. Or some way of dealing with it not being. He could keep telling himself bad things would not happen but it was small comfort when he was fairly sure they very much could. Professor Brooding kept saying it would be ok. It would definitely all be ok in the end. He wished they could skip to that point. Or at least, he could know when it would be, so he could count it down, know how much more pain and turmoil he had to deal with.

"I know," he assured her earnestly, when she assured him he was cared about. "And I am very glad to have you both," he assured her and Ailuros, giving the kneazle a little scratch behind the ears. He did not want Professor Brooding to think he was unappreciative, and he knew how it hurt his own heart when he couldn't comfort the people who mattered to him and make them happy again. "It will be ok" he repeated, managing a weak smile. "I...I just wish it was all ok now. Or I at least knew when..."

He weighed up the options Professor Brooding had given him. It was reassuring to have options but also somewhat scary. When there were choices, you could make the wrong ones. He would much rather someone handed him a recipe, like they did for Potions, of definite steps with definite results. Of course, even with Potions, there was the risk you would get it wrong, and that it would blow up in your face... But at least you knew what you were supposed to be doing.

"I need to have a plan," he articulated out loud. His tone was a little calmer. This was not the wild world of crazy wishes, like wanting to know when it would all be over. Going with the flow, waiting and seeing what happened were valid options for some people but were being ruled out here. Dorian needed certainty, as much of it as he could grasp at. He tried to weigh up the things Professor Brooding had said, but his thoughts kept swirling around in the realm of if and then.

"If you were me, what would you do next?" he asked.

  • Undo! Backup! Reverse! Abort!Mary Brooding, Mon Jan 14 17:45
    Mary grimaced, realizing with a big lump of dread that she shouldn't have used the example that she did. This wasn't exactly the time to admit that yes, sometimes people of non-normative sexual... more
    • Come back! — Dorian, Tue Jan 15 19:40
      • I'm always here. Mary Brooding, Wed Jan 23 20:51
        Mary allowed her shoulders to relax, surprised by how much tension they'd in carrying through this conversation. She was certain that she was projecting, or possibly just confronting some of her old... more
        • GoodDorian, Sat Jan 26 21:39
          Nothing bad was going to happen to Professor Brooding. That was one less thing to worry about. Well… that was one thing to worry less about. He wasn’t sure he could stop worrying altogether. He... more
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