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Mueller Immediately Closes Investigation
Mon Nov 13, 2017 6:25am

After Hearing Putin Proclaim His Innocence

The special counsel Robert Mueller announced on Saturday that he was closing the Justice Department’s Russia investigation, “effective immediately,” after hearing that President Vladimir Putin, of Russia, said he was innocent of any election meddling.

Moments after learning about Putin’s assertion, Mueller hastily assembled his staff of investigators to inform them that, now that Putin had fully exonerated himself, there was no point in continuing the probe.

“Vladimir Putin says he did nothing,” Mueller told his staff. “That’s good enough for me.”

Speaking later to reporters, Mueller said that, by disbanding his investigation, he was following the time-honored law-enforcement tradition of taking a suspect’s word for it.

“For the past several months, we’ve assembled tax records, cell-phone recordings, bank transfers, and e-mail communications that indicated Russia was involved in the election,” a visibly shaken Mueller said. “Somehow, we got it wrong—very, very wrong.”

As for his future plans, Mueller said that his first order of business was to write a hearfelt letter of apology to Putin.

“I feel terrible knowing that I’ve spent all this time investigating a person who did absolutely nothing wrong,” he said. “Hindsight is 20/20, but I really should have called him first and asked him what really happened.”

    • LOL,I love it. (nm) ~ clint (I), Mon Nov 13 2:16pm
    • Not far from the truth ... ~ Mondo Fuego™ , Mon Nov 13 9:50am
      “Somehow, we got it wrong—very, very wrong.”
    • Keep one thing in mind ~ TheFrustratedPragmatist, Mon Nov 13 9:44am
      Mueller had NO SPECIFIC CRIME that he was supposed to investigate under the "influencing the election" banner. None. To date, there has been no SPECIFIC ACCUSATIONS OF ANY CRIMINAL ACTIVITY... more
    • Following in the tradition of the left... ~ Sprout, Mon Nov 13 7:25am
      Who were prepared to take Hillary's word at face value that she violated no rules, regulations or laws in her handling of classified information... But I guess she is such a sterling example of... more
      • LOL! Good one! (nm) ~ TW, Mon Nov 13 7:48am
        • Quotation of the Day: ~ Merlin, Mon Nov 13 9:50am
          Putin’s Denials of Interference Satisfy Trump “You can only ask so many times. I just asked him again. He said he absolutely did not meddle in our election. He did not do what they are saying he... more
          • Drum or Harp? ~ shadow, Mon Nov 13 12:00pm
            Which will be the Democrats' mantra for the next few years. Harping on the same old things, usually useless things, or beating the same old drum on the same old things? No matter, it's BORING!
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