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I'm Not Sure There's A There There...
Tue Nov 28, 2017 9:37am (XFF:

Why can't there be both? The issue is people who do not understand where the line is drawn. People who do not understand consent.

If a person decides that they want to take part in an activity that involves them stripping down to their fancy underwear and showing off their body, the important words there are "they want to take part."

Nothing about that is an invitation for someone else to touch them, take advantage of them, assume that sex is desired, etc. In fact, it's an excellent opportunity to strengthen the understanding that one does not equal the other.

The problem comes in anytime a person is not participating because they want to take part. If they are being coerced or forced - that is a problem. And it is not acceptable to initiate any kind of contact as a question. You do not grope someone to discover if they are interested in further groping.

Once you have established a relationship as a context, then you can (again, with the consent of your partner) change some of these operational rules.

Sound difficult? Sound complicated? It's not really. I will say that certainly, some people are better at it than others. Some people are more awkward at it, and some of those people think it better to avoid that awkwardness by just pushing ahead and feigning a misunderstanding of the context.

But at the core of it, the issue isn't some essential contradiction in what people want. Not at all. That is the part that lines up across the board. Consent. The problem is that some people are not willing to participate in a good-faith, constructive manner.


  • Pinups in the Post-Weinstein World ~ Merlin, Tue Nov 28 6:32am
    Pinups in the Post-Weinstein World This is a big week for women in their underwear. On Tuesday, the Victoria’s Secret fashion show, a.k.a. “the world’s biggest fashion event,” airs on TV in the... more
    • I'm Not Sure There's A There There... ~ Amadeus, Tue Nov 28 9:37am
      • Miss Manners speaks again ~ Mondo Fuego™, Wed Nov 29 3:07am
        Thanks for today's important lesson in sex etiquette. LOL
      • This mentality infuriates me. ~ shadow, Tue Nov 28 12:58pm
        It's women who say "I can do what I want, but men can't". That's what it boils down to. It is selfish. For society to live cooperatively, it requires some unselfishness, not the claiming of every... more
        • Trying To Understand Your Point Of View... ~ Amadeus, Tue Nov 28 1:54pm
          This mentality infuriates me. I was initially not sure which mentality you were referring to, but I think you mean my position in general as expressed in my post. It's women who say "I can do what I... more
        • strikes the kind of chord you are hoping to play here was from either an Ann Landers column or a Dear Abby column of at least 40 years ago. At least that's where I think I picked it up. The question... more
      • to have problems. You cannot have a hyper-sexualized society and then expect people to not behave in a hyper-sexualized manner. You are chumming the sexual waters and then expecting the sharks to... more
    • I think there's at the very least a couple of different perspectives to take heed of here. Your graphic provides evidence of our hyper-sexualized culture. The first video link is of Mark Steyn on... more
      • Shakespeare Has Been Supplanted by Songs ~ Merlin, Tue Nov 28 10:04am
        Songs are the new quotables, and apropo quotes for a variety of situations spring readily to mind. Guys like Weinstein or Rose remind me of: You would... more
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