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Feeling undeserving
Wed Jan 25, 2017 19:15

“Thank you,” Araceli said, sincerely but somewhat abashedly, her cheeks glowing a little red, once the Lethifold had safely been repelled.

“I-I suppose they make me panic, a bit,” she added. It was, she thought, true. She definitely wasn’t feeling very comfortable in this class, although she knew it wasn’t really the reason - not the main reason - but, although she felt bad for lying to Clark, she didn’t want him to probe at or guess the truth of just how deeply unhappy she was. Anyway, what was one more lie after everything she’d been involved in? She was already such a bad person, did it matter to make herself any worse? Wasn’t there a point so low that you couldn’t come back from it, couldn’t retain a good, clean soul however hard you tried? Maybe her malformed patronus wasn’t just a reflection of her misery but of how tainted she was by everything she had colluded to.

It was still a pitiful excuse. She was a witch, a Pureblooded witch who was supposed to be able to cast spells as deftly as she was she could complete a waltz or a curtsey. And here she was, relying on someone else to defend her. And, she realised, not just anyone… She thought her father might have forgiven her questionable performance in the class had she allowed a nice, noble young man to step in and save her. Boys liked to do that kind of thing for a girl. But she had had to be rescued by someone of lower birth. She felt mean even thinking it, because she liked Clark, and was in that moment very, very grateful for his presence. She just had to hope her father didn’t ask for too much detail about her year when she got home… He had ways, homemade lemonade mostly, of making her talk. Sometimes a brief assurance that all was well was sufficient. Or had been for Effie, who he had trusted after her first few years in school. She wondered, rather doubtfully, whether she was trusted yet, to give her own version of events.

  • Being helpful to othersClark , Wed Jan 18 15:14
    Clark felt a little bad for the criticism he had made toward his own patronus when he was reminded that Araceli didn't have a full form one of her own. It was kind of like complaining about his lunch ... more
    • Feeling undeserving — Araceli, Wed Jan 25 19:15
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