You're probably just used to it by now.
Mon Jun 16, 2014 23:42

It was the final blow: Amelia did not immediately recognize Aerin. It was only a glance, but this was supposed to be her best friend. Almost a year and a half of nervous, averted eyes and minimal, forced conversation had officially stolen their intimacy, rendering the shattered remains of what once was friendship as… Well, Amelia did not even know anymore.

And in the flash of one fleeting moment, suddenly Amelia found herself being offered an only vaguely familiar hand. Aerin served as a human crutch for short travel to a nearby bench, which was better than the ground but now positioned the two girls next to one another.

Aerin rummaged through her things in search of a bandage, and it was briefly surprising how instantly her roommate spun her concern into productive kindness. But this was Aerin, after all. She was one of the nicest girls Amelia had ever been graced enough to meet, someone too good for her. The blonde had never deserved her friendship and certainly did not now.

“Um, th-thanks,” she uttered quietly before clearing her throat and making a stronger attempt. “Thank you.” Amelia dared not look at her despite curiosities, inquiring silently if her smile was still as infectious and free and beautiful as before, if her eyes still glowed with hope and innocence and energy. She desperately hoped time had not robbed Aerin of the youthful passions that defined her. Amelia hoped even more that she had not.

Something kept her from calling Aerin by name, a subconscious feeling that she had no right to, that she was not good enough anymore. Really, she had never been, but Aerin made her want to try to be. Aerin was an inspiration, a gift of light from the dark unknown. Amelia had never been good enough, but for a very long time, she tried.

Maybe in that sense, being distant with Aerin had been relieving. The blue-eyed witch never had to try to be any better than her natural, toxic self. Purebloods like her were too complicated for simple, kind people like Aerin, anyway. Amelia could only do her harm in the long run. She was an iceberg, beautiful in appearance but so much more beneath the surface, and almost always lending to the sinking of someone else. That was her breeding; that was her nature; that was her blood.

She had struggled to fight it for so long, but what was the point? Amelia was dangerous, a breaker of men, a slayer of friends. She could only hurt. Some Cetus she was, placed in a House for justice and inflicting undeserved damage on everyone and everything she touched. The only person without her scars was Niccolo, and that was because he could not remember them, because she had altered them! Perhaps Leo might have escaped unscathed, but that was because there was no commitment there, no actual attachment.

She wished Aerin could have been that way. The only way to make it out alive with Amelia was to hope for nothing. But Aerin was so damn hopeful, so willing to believe in her. She had surely ruined her by now, polluted that hope and replaced it with stone walls, barriers Aerin had once torn down for others but now required for herself. Amelia knew it probably wouldn’t help, could not replace the time she had stolen from their friendship, but the words exploded before she could stop herself.

“I’m sorry!”

They came out like fire crackers, shooting straight down into the pavement since her eyes did not dare venture to Aerin. But then her lips grew softer, producing only half-whimpered sentiments. “I’ve been… I haven’t… I’m an awful friend. And do not tell me I’m not. There’s no excuse for… f-for…” She felt hot tears tickling her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. After all, they were in public. Amelia had gotten past the idea of infrangible composure, but she would not crumble before strangers.

Abandoning the sentence, head hung, she simply repeated, “I’m sorry.”

  • I wouldn't consider it cryptic.Aerin Griffiths, Mon Jun 16 00:37
    Aerin had never thought she’d be glad to be a seventh year, but as she roamed Pearl Street with a confidence borne from familiarity, she realized that she was frankly feeling quite done with RMI. She ... more
    • You're probably just used to it by now. — Amelia, Mon Jun 16 23:42
      • Actually, it's been a while.Aerin, Wed Jun 18 00:17
        I really ought to clean up this bag more often. What had started out as an optimistic search had turned into a frustrating hunt of despair. Aerin knew she had a bandage from the infirmary in her bag. ... more
        • Amelia struggled within herself, wanting to interrupt Aerin's unnecessary apology but knowing how futile attempts to stop her talking could be. Aerin had done absolutely nothing wrong. Amelia planned ... more
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