Stripping and Humiliation

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The Balloon Test Part 1
Wed Sep 13, 2017 3:34pm

Another boring lecture! Why did the company keep sending me on these. It wasn't as if I didn't know everything already. Not like the stupid girls on the course. I mean they had to have more training, but it was really a waste of time for me.

Of course I was the only boy on the course. When the boss, her of the smart suits and the permafrost hair, had decided that I should spend time as a 'business support executive' in order to learn the ropes of the business, of course I had agreed. I hadn't realised it was a fancy name for a secretary. Still, it was only for six months, even if I did get sent on these basic skills courses.

So that's why I was the only boy on the course. Still it have me a chance to show off my credentials. To make sure everyone would remember me in the future. That's what I said when we had to introduce ourselves at the beginning.

"I'm here to show off my credentials," I said. Everyone laughed, a sort of sniggery laugh, I've no idea why.

Anyway here we were at the end of the course run by some sort of secretary motivating guru woman. God knows what stupid waffle she was going on about. I kept having to put her right about everything.

The last lecture was on building confidence to be an effective speaker. It was led by Monika Finch, described in the hand~out as a 'motivational speaker'. What rubbish. There she was in her power dressing grey suit and her black hair done up in a bun. What rubbish!

"I'm already a confident effective speaker! And what's more, I know everything there is to know about it," I told her, "can I skip this lecture?"

That took her back, I'm telling you!

"In that case you'll know about The Balloon Test?" she asked after a short pause.

"Well..." What bit of modern gibberish theory was she going on about now?

"You do know what the Balloon Test is?"

"Of course," well seeing as I'd said I knew everything about it, I wasn't going to admit to never having heard of it.

"What's the Balloon Test?" Asked busty blonde teacher's pet Tracey at the front of the class. Tracey was one of those girls, you know the sort, the ones who've got no brains but get on by sticking out their tits and flashing their knickers. She was wearing pink ones. Well... She'd been sitting opposite me at lunch and she was wearing a very short skirt. I'd given her the benefit of my opinion on a few subjects and I could tell she was impressed. I'd complimented her on her figure and her choice of underwear. Girls like that sort of thing you know. And I impressed her with my knowledge (Wikipedia can be so useful when impressing girls). Of course I'm a great thinker, I told her, it's because I exercise it so much. I suggested she might help me exercise it but I just got a rude response. Empty headed, no interest in thinking at all. And now she was asking stupid questions. Still, I could tell she was impressed, but we were called back to the lecture that point. Still later...

She was obviously impressed that I knew about the Balloon Test as well, I was making a good impression there I could tell.

Monica had to try and spoil things though.

"Well, you explain it," she sneered at me.

I'd just have to wing it, as the saying goes. But how without showing myself up?

"The Balloon Test is..." I started, "but... if you explain to the girls, I'm sure you can do it better than me, and then I'll do the test and show them how it demonstrates confident and effective presentation."

"But the Balloon Test is purely hypothetical."

"It may be for you," I said, sure I could do a hypothetical test, once I found out what 'hypothetical' meant, "but I have the confidence to do it."

"But... Well... I don't know. It's not really the sort of thing we do in practice."

"Well it may not be for you, but it's no problem for me," I said. That would impress Tracey.

"In that case, I'm not sure, but suppose it would be interesting to see how it worked in practice. If the girls don't object."

"What could we object to?" asked Tracey.

"Well you see," said Monica, "in the Balloon Test..."

I allowed myself a little smirk at my cunning, I'd got Monica to describe the Balloon Test for me, all I'd have to do now was give one of my well honed presentations and win the balloon, or whatever the test was about.

"In the Balloon Test, as described by Zinowski and Smith, the participant has to give the presentation wearing... Go on you explain," she said, looking at me, "if you're going to be doing it. You do know what it's about and don't want to back out seeing as it's hypothetical."

"No, no," I had to think quickly, she wasn't going to put me off using those big words, "you're explaining it so well. I'm certainly not going to back out. I'm just working out what I'm going to say in the presentation."

"As I was saying. The participant gives the presentation wearing nothing except an inflated balloon..." There was a gasp from the audience. Monica looked at me, "...that's right isn't it. You are allowed to inflate the balloon?"

"Well... er... Yes," what else could I say. I'd agreed over and over that I knew what the test was, "an inflated balloon, and wearing...."

Perhaps she hadn't meant with absolutely nothing on.

"Nothing, yes that's right girls. The subject is completely nude apart from the balloon which she, or in this particular case he, can use to hide.. Well whatever he likes really. But the really embarrassing part is... Well you explain..." She looked at me again.

"The embarrassing part is..." I gulped, what could be more embarrassing than giving a presentation with no clothes on, ""

"Well he's obviously thinking hard about it. The embarrassing part is that the presentation that he has to give is a description of the part hidden by the balloon. So he can display a rude bit and describe a not so rude bit, or if he hides his naughty bits he has to describe them, and what they're for. Isn't that right?"

She turned to me.

"Er.. Yes..," I said, "but I er..."


"Perhaps the girls will think it's a little..."

"A little what?.

"A little er... Embarrassing for them... Not that I'm backing out or anything but..."

"Well, we can always ask them. Any girls object to being given a demonstration of the balloon test?"

Shouts of "No!" and "Get on with it" echoed round the room.

"That seems pretty conclusive," said Monica.

"But..." I said.

"But what?"

"We haven't got a balloon," that stumped her. She thought she'd been so clever, but superior intellect always wins out.

"I've got one," shouted Tracey. She was already blowing it up.


I'd made The Balloon Test up myself of course. It was a great way of deflating know-it-alls who keep interrupting and spoiling things for everyone. They never admit to not knowing what it is. Of course I give them the get out of saying that it's purely hypothetical. Then they back down and shut up. If they don't and I really want to tease them I give them the balloon and tell them to get undressed. Once they start of course I stop them, well it wouldn't be fair not to, would it.

I knew I'd have trouble with that know-it-all in the lecture, so I'd primed Tracey with the questions and given her the balloon. She knew what was going to happen and was looking forwards to the joke and having a good laugh. They nearly always back down when I hand them the ballon, but I was really rather pleased when he turned out to be one of those people who'll never admit that they don't know something. No matter what the embarrassment I just knew he'd end up with just the balloon if I let him. Not that I would of course. Still, there was still the opportunity to tease him just a little bit further.

"Excellent," I said, showing him the balloon, "take your clothes off."


She handed me the balloon and told me to take my clothes off. I'd have to admit I didn't know what the test was, that I didn't really know what 'hypothetical' meant. I opened my mouth to speak, but I couldn't. Anything was better than admitting my ignorance, but taking all my clothes off, I couldn't do that. Could I? Then it dawned on me. It does when you have a superior intellect like mine. What had I been thinking of. Of course I wouldn't have to go through with it. She couldn't allow a thing like that in her lecture. Once I started to undress she'd put a stop to it.

"Of course," I said, taking the balloon and giving one of my confident smiles, "I'll show the girls exactly what I'm made of."

They all giggled for some reason.

I started to remove my shoes and socks. She'd be stopping me now for sure. No? Well I took off my shirt and looked at her. Nothing. Oh well. I'd show her I was no indecisive wimp.

"Shall I take off my trousers?" I asked

I waited for her to say no, and of course she started...

"As I said, this test is purely hypothetical, and though I'm sure...."

There was a sudden ringing noise. "...sorry. That's my phone. I'd better answer it..." she picked up her phone, "...yes, yes. Right away. Of course..."

She looked at Tracey, "Sorry," she said, "something's cropped up. I have to dash. I'll be back soon. Tracey, here's the balloon, you take over. You know what to do."

So Tracey knew what to do! She'd been in on it all along. No wonder she'd come prepared with a balloon. She looked at me with a big grin on her face.

"Come on," she said, "you know the rules of the Balloon Test. We're all waiting."

What could I do? I couldn't admit that I didn't know the rules after I'd so clearly said I did. She had me cornered and there was nothing I could do about it. I took off my trousers and stood there in my underpants.


Bloody Site Security. I mean I always park my car in that spot. It's not as if it was obstructing anything. But apparently they were going to tow it away. If I didn't get there pretty quickly that is. That's what the bloke on the phone said anyway. The Security Guard that is. It took me close on an hour of me arguing with them and driving round and round before I could find a suitable place to park. Still, Tracey knew what to do to stop him going any further. And then they could take a break for coffee. That's what I thought anyway. But when I got back to the room...

    • The Balloon Test Part 2Little Joe, Wed Sep 13 3:36pm
      Tracey Smith, I said to myself, you're really mean. But on the other hand, he deserved it, and he was going to get it. He'd spent all lunch time peering up my skirt trying to get a glimpse of my... more
      • NiceBritguy, Tue Sep 19 12:35pm
        Thanks, Joe. Another amusing tale. I always enjoy your sense of humour.
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    I'd like you to remove every stitch of your clothing and put your hands behind your head.