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I saved the fish today
Sat Oct 7, 2017 20:18

I am not a fisherman, never have been but I've allowed myself to be fooled into thinking that this time will be different every ten years or so.

Today old Bill who is a very active 82 year old ex-carpenter and still puts in a hard days work mowing peoples lawns to supplement his income which money he uses to buy boats with, knocked on my door to enquire if I'd like to go fishing.

That was a horrible sentence....

So I thanked him but informed him I was busy writing but perhaps he might extend the invitation to include Tammy who just the day before had said she'd like to try her fishing rod she won in a raffle at the Moose some time ago.

Well Bill explained that he was asking me because his wife Nancy needs a hip replacement and cannot be his crew so I told him I'd be delighted to help him out, sailor stuff that I know Tammy can't do or shouldn't be allowed to. As I told Bill 'under no circumstances allow her to touch the controls of any motorized vehicle!'

I'm a Jonah to any fishing expedition, we've tried them all, even the commercial ones where you can see the bloody fish surrounding the boat and everyone else is hauling them out one after another.

The only kind of fishing I have had any luck with is riverside with a bobber where you sit and snooze and drink tea and smoke whilst keeping an eye on the float lest it dip under the surface.

Occasionally you wind in the hook to replace the bait and eventually you'll get a perch in England like as not which you kindly and gently get the hook out of and put him in your keep net so he doesnt do the same damn stupid thing again and at days end you release your catch and get a fish and chips on the way home thus fulfilling the purpose of the day.

Now in fairness I told Bill about my dismal record as a piscatorial artist but really he just wanted a hand with the lines and male company out on the water so that was alright. Tammy was as happy as a clam birds nesting jam proof reels, losing tackle and generally having a great time.

If you ever heard her story about being signed aboard an Americas Cup yacht as a cook in San Francisco you would never ever get on any vessel she was aboard in whatever capacity.

As soon as land was out of sight they encountered gale force winds but hey these are real sailors, so lifelines are duly attached, no reef taken in, full sail and gung ho for fame and glory!

It didnt have a loo so she had to use a bucket. Every time she went to dump the contents, she lost the bucket, eventually they ran out of buckets which was a shame because the next thing she did was set the yacht ablaze with cooking fat.

Fortunately the crew had fire extinguishers and had drilled for this so it could have been worse though I doubt the owner they were delivering the boat to was very pleased about his charred cabin.

The fire destroyed the electrical system and took out all the instruments except the compass and having been ordered to stay below Tammy decided she would pass the time by reading a book but there was now no cabin lighting. In the nick of time someone came below to see if she was okay and prevented another maritime disaster as she was trying to light a kerosene lamp.

So now you know why I gallantly accompanied her as Bill has enough on his plate already.

Well predictably we scoured the coastline watching everybody else catch the rockfish we could see 'running' (yeah, away from us!) but nevertheless it was a lovely day and a beautiful voyage because of the scenery.

Three hours on the water and when we got back I was so knackered I had just enough energy for a cuppa and a sarnie then passed out for three hours more!
Dog was overjoyed at our return, she'd have only been a damn nuisance anyway, dog plus Tammy is really pushing ones luck way too far.

    • PS:- I forgot the tear gas! - mike, Sat Oct 7 20:50
      For God knows what reason our plucky little sailor gal took a personal defence tear gas canister with her which somehow amidst the cabin fire excitement - went off! So the firefighters had to keep... more
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