Only fools
Wed Feb 21, 2018 18:28

Jehan was riding on a wave of euphoria from the understanding he and Dorian had reached. Nothing too specific had been said, but it didnít need to be. They were, after all, only young, and they also knew each other so well that qualifying statements werenít needed. Right?

Right. Dorian was stressing the importance of only going with somebody he loved, and Jehan was grinning because, given the fact that Dorian was going with him, there was an obvious conclusion to draw from that. Love was, probably, a stronger word than Dorian really meant, but there was a special connection between the two boys, something that had sprung very quickly from their friendship.

And then Dorian continued his explanation, and Jehanís understanding of the situation was turned on its head. So Jehan was the alternative to going on a date? The previous wave of euphoria crashed and disappeared, leaving nothing but a sense of disillusionment and loss. Dorian didnít want them to go together, not like that. Jehan was just a fall-back, only Dorianís choice because he didnít yet have someone he liked in that way.

Dorian pulled him into a hug and Jehan allowed it, not really with it enough to realise what was happening until too late. But the hug was warm and comforting and, although not the sort of hug he wanted from Dorian, he could do with some comfort right now.

Heíd been so stupid. What he and Dorian had was special, sure, but he must have missed the signs that pointed to it being nothing more than friendship. His brain kept trying to reanalyse hugs and words that could suggest he hadnít been mistaken, but his heart hurt and that was all that mattered right now. He didnít want to analyse the situation, he just wanted to end it, to pretend it never happened. He wanted to leave the room, to go and walk in the gardens until it hurt less, until he could write it down in a poem and enjoy the feelings of misery, instead of pain. But he couldnít just leave, because Dorian was here, not understanding what Jehan had meant, and leaving would make Dorian sad. Dorian was not going to be made sad if Jehan had any say in it.

Dorianís reassurances that Jehan was his best friend were well-meant, but further showed Jehan how heíd misread things. He didnít want the ball to be like the bonfire, Ďjust less funí, but evidently Dorian did.

For one of the few times in his life, Jehan was the one to end a hug. He sat back and, somehow, miraculously, managed to smile at Dorian. ďYes, we can spend time with Tatya and Vlad too,Ē he suggested. That would be better than just being alone with Dorian, on a Not-Date. He didnít think he could handle that now.

Keeping up his smile, and hoping it was convincing, Jehan reached for his book again. He didnít want to talk anymore. Reading was a safe option of something to do before he could leave without making Dorian sad.

  • Tread softlyDorian, Wed Feb 21 06:57
    There was something beyond special about Dorian and Jehanís friendship. How rare that the universe constructed two souls with such sympathy towards one another, and that they should be in the right... more
    • Only fools — Jehan, Wed Feb 21 18:28
      • Tea will make everything betterDorian, Thu Feb 22 09:15
        Jehan pulled back from the hug and was smiling. Dorian thought he knew all of Jehanís smiles - he had made efforts to memorise them for rainy days - but this one seemed different. Was Jehan okay? He... more
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