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Mortal bodies, timeless souls
Mon Aug 20, 2018 08:27

Dorian just wanted Jehan to be Jehan again. Not this prickly, hostile creature who sat at the end of the couch and barely spoke. The talk of electricity had started to melt that down a little. Jehan seemed to be speaking properly, even though his tone was still one Dorian marked down as 'disagreeing.' Except he did agree with what Jehan had just said.

"Yes, they can," Dorian nodded, when Jehan pointed out how dangerous potions and spells could be. Given that Jehan had left him in the dark that the topic of this conversation was Countering Dorian's Prejudice Against the Muggle World, and given that said prejudice was somewhat borderline in its existence anyway, the analogy was a little perplexing. Or rather, the analogy was simple enough but what it was doing in their conversation was less clear. "So... it is the same. We do not make experiments with magic and potions without supervision in case we are hurt. It can be dangerous to try things in any world if you are not familiar to them." Because, as far as Dorian was concerned, the conversation was still Make Jehan Realise He Could Hurt Himself. Luckily, his own point unintentionally served both agendas - he did not dislike the idea of the Muggle world for being the Muggle world, but because of real and practical concerns about diving in too deep when one did not know how to swim.

And obviously he had said enough of the right things, because then Jehan was back, speaking softly and touching him and everything felt warm and safe again. Dorian ran a hand through Jehan's hair, feeling reassured. It felt unimaginably lonely and wrong when Jehan was close by but not close enough. He needed him. He needed him physically as well as emotionally, and it hurt when he wasn’t there.

"Désolé," he apologised, when Jehan told him not to cry. For all that Jehan had never objected to any display of Dorian's feelings, it was hard to stop the automatic reaction that said Jehan disliked the fact that he was crying, rather than wanting him not to be sad. He turned his face down for a moment, screwing up his eyes hard because the contrast of jolting from absolute soul wrenching misery to being warm and safe in Jehan’s hands again was threatening to make the whole thing worse and he was already pathetic enough. “You are sure?” he asked, when Jehan said he did not need to worry, and that he would be safe. There was no fight in his tone, no real doubt even of what Jehan was saying. He trusted Jehan. Dorian just often needed things reiterating, needed them confirming, especially when it came to Things Being Ok. He needed to be told an extra time to be sure.

Now that Jehan was warm and gentle and Dorian felt less panicked, his brain started working better again. He had no idea why Jehan had reacted as he had, and that worried him, because he did not want it to happen again, and because Jehan had acted like Dorian had said something hurtful to him, which he would never do on purpose. "And... I suppose I said something bad? Or maybe said badly... I do not think anything that I think is.. disliked by you. Or I hope not. I'm sorry. What did I said to make you feel bad? I don't want to do it again."

When Jehan talked about needing to get away from his home life, Dorian felt pangs of guilt and concern. In their first ever conversation, Jehan had mentioned that his father undervalued a lot of the things that Jehan enjoyed, such as music and poetry - in fact, he had gone so far as to call some of Jehan's interests 'pointless.' Dorian also knew that Jehan's father had the Floo connection in his office, and that it was... challenging to get him to allow Jehan to use this. Sentences that began with the words ‘My father…’ seemed to end with an irritating rule or boundary, or a disagreement, but sentences like this were few and far between. Jehan’s parents occupied about the same place in their discourse at Matthieu - they were absent, because there were a lot more things that were a lot nicer to talk about. But he wondered now whether he should have asked, if Jehan was feeling so bad about things at home that he was on the verge of running away. Dorian had sort of formed the impression that Jehan’s parents were a bit like Matthieu, but without the hitting. He hoped without the hitting, anyway. He assumed that Jehan was not being hit because he had spent the best part of a decade assuming that it was his own defectiveness that meant he was being. Even though his opinion had now shifted towards it being that Matthieu was a psychopath with anger control issues, he thought that was probably quite rare. He could not imagine a parent being that way. His parents had occasionally hit as a form of discipline but that was different.

“Jehan… What makes home bad for you?” he asked gently. Emphasis slightly on the ‘you’ rather than the ‘bad.’ A slight indication of the fact that they had both skirted around that topic with each other for the last two years.

  • But what is death, really?Jehan, Sun Aug 19 12:17
    Jehan’s reply had been the honest truth but, no matter how confused and concerned Dorian had made him feel, he hadn’t meant to make Dorian sad. And yet he had. It seemed that every time Jehan... more
    • Mortal bodies, timeless souls — Dorian, Mon Aug 20 08:27
      • With you, everything is timelessJehan, Mon Aug 20 09:42
        Dorian’s agreement to the statement about risks in both worlds confused Jehan slightly. He was thrown a little off-kilter in the way that one always is when, expecting a rebuttal, one’s opponent... more
        • "Right, sorry," Dorian nodded, when Jehan told him off for apologising. It was reflexive enough that he didn't even notice the irony of apologising for apologising, or even really that he had done it ... more
          • With you?Jehan, Thu Aug 23 11:44
            As Dorian explained why his initial reaction had not been as feared, Jehan realised quite how silly he’d been. Of course Dorian wasn’t like the others. Dorian knew what it was like to be different,... more
            • Goodbye to safe and soundDorian, Fri Aug 24 08:47
              “Of course,” Dorian answered when Jehan asked whether he meant it. And then Jehan seemed to hesitate too, and Dorian trusted that his friend was merely pulling together some important thought and... more
              • We'll be fireproofJehan, Wed Aug 29 06:14
                Dorian’s first response had confirmed that he had meant what he had said, but upon further questioning Dorian had started to look a little embarrassed, and with a strange sort of calmness, the... more
                • Player three joins the partyVladimir Brockert, Wed Aug 29 17:22
                  Vlad couldn’t find Ivy. It wasn’t entirely unheard of, their being separated. After all, they were separate people who just happened to have the same parents. But Vlad wanted to hang out with his big ... more
                  • White noise in my mind, won't calm downDorian, Thu Aug 30 10:08
                    “No, of course not. Bienvenue,” Dorian smiled. Normally he was a terrible liar but certain social niceties were so drilled in that he thought he could have carried them off under any circumstances.... more
                    • I've been a foolJehan, Thu Aug 30 14:58
                      Jehan didn’t understand. He took back his earlier soliloquy on having finally reached an understanding on what was going on between him and Dorian, because his previous thoughts did not fit in with... more
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