Jehan Callahan
Love is a road that goes both ways
Tue Sep 25, 2018 09:37
86.188.30.40

To put it bluntly, Jehan was getting fed up. The new version of normal had been going on for a while now, and it hadn't got any better. Jehan missed the friendship he and Dorian had previously enjoyed, sharing hugs and thoughts and secrets. What they had now just felt like a mockery of all that, with awkwardness and sadness and no hugs. Jehan missed his hugs. And all this was because Dorian had tried to kiss him, and then regretted it.

If someone was privy to Jehan's thoughts, they might wonder why he still persisted, why he continued along this new path of normality in the hope that it would all turn out okay. He wondered this too, sometimes. He wondered many things, such as how he and Dorian could have thought themselves soulmates when their opinions on kisses differed so much. Jehan didn't see why the situation had been such a big deal for Dorian. A kiss was a kiss. It showed that you liked the person, that they were important to you, and that you cared about them. It could mean more, but it didn't have to. Given that he'd considered himself to be Dorian's friend, had thought that he was important to the other boy and that Dorian cared about him, Jehan couldn't really understand what the problem was. But for some reason, Dorian had had a problem with the almost-kiss. He'd become all upset and had lied to Vlad about it, causing Jehan to think that maybe Dorian didn't care about him. However, Dorian's current efforts to stay friends with him suggested the opposite.

And that was why Jehan hadn't given up. Dorian meant so much to him. He'd rather have this strange new normal than nothing. The thought of never speaking to Dorian again was too horrific to consider, and so he was stuck in this halting friendship, following Dorian's lead and trying not to do anything Dorian might be uncomfortable with. The distance that Dorian kept putting between them hurt, but it was better than having nothing.

”Jehan… I am allowed to ask you something?”

The question jolted Jehan out of his thoughts unexpectedly, in all possible meanings of the word. Dorian didn't speak much in their MARS sessions these days, but any happiness Jehan might have felt at his friend being comfortable enough to say something was shattered by the surprising nature of the question.

Was Dorian allowed to ask him something? What sort of question was that?! Jehan had been doing his best to be accommodating, to give Dorian the space he seemed to want, and now Dorian was making it seem as if Jehan was the one with the problem?!

“Of course you're allowed to ask me things,” he replied, slightly exasperatedly. He bit back a further comment that would point out that it was Dorian who decided the rules of the new new normality. That would just be counterproductive to the aims of being satisfied with what he could get and making Dorian happy.

  • Somewhere I lost a piece of me (tag Jehan)Dorian Montoir, Tue Sep 25 09:03
    Every moment that should have had a hug, but which passed without one, stabbed at his soul. Dorian didn’t know it, but the anticipation and the disappointment both showed each time Jehan skipped the... more
    • Love is a road that goes both ways — Jehan Callahan, Tue Sep 25 09:37
      • But I can't do this aloneDorian, Wed Sep 26 01:17
        "Right, sorry," Dorian apologised, noting the hint of annoyance in Jehan's voice. Although the 'of course,' was confusing because the whole problem was that he was no longer free to just say whatever ... more
        • Let me be honestJehan, Wed Sep 26 11:15
          “Dorian,” said Jehan, stopping him before he could continue in the same vein. He didn’t think he could bear much more of Dorian making it seem as if Jehan was the one with the problem, as if Jehan... more
          • Hope you're waiting at the endDorian, Thu Sep 27 10:20
            That was not the truth. That was definitely not what had happened at all . The look of absolute wide eyed horror that Jehan’s suggestions were met with was more than enough to answer the questions... more
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