Let me be honest
Wed Sep 26, 2018 11:15

“Dorian,” said Jehan, stopping him before he could continue in the same vein. He didn’t think he could bear much more of Dorian making it seem as if Jehan was the one with the problem, as if Jehan had been the one to try and take back what had happened, as if Jehan was the one who needed delicate handling. “This isn’t about what I want, it’s about what you want.”

Sighing, he ran a hand through his hair and tried to structure his thoughts into something more logical. There had been enough talking at cross-purposes, it seemed, for him to risk doing so now, but his thoughts had never liked to line up in a precise and easy-to-follow order.

“Yeah, I left, but only because you lied to Vlad about everything. You just…you changed the room when he entered, you told him he hadn’t interrupted anything, you basically hid everything from him. My first thought was that you were ashamed of us, and maybe that is the truth, maybe that isn’t the truth. That’s not the important thing anymore.

“You say you’re worried about me leaving again. All you need to do to prevent that is to make sure that whatever this – ” he gestured from himself to Dorian- “is, it’s something real. Not something that we hide from people, not something that changes depending on who we’re with. You can do what you want, make whatever mistakes you want. The only thing that will make me leave is if you say or do anything that you’ll take back the minute someone else walks through the door.”

He paused again, and then pre-emptively held up a hand, not giving Dorian the chance to speak. “I don’t want an explanation, excuses, objections, recriminations, whatever. I’m not asking for anything that you’re not willing to give. I just can’t hide things that matter to me, that’s not who I am.”

And that, there, was the crux of the matter. For whatever reason, Dorian had felt the need to hide a part of their relationship from Vlad. And Jehan didn’t do hiding. He was unashamedly who he was and, whilst he wasn’t going to force that on anyone else, he refused to change that side of him, or let himself be unhappy because of that.

“Now then,” and Jehan smiled at Dorian, a proper smile, because apparently Dorian didn’t want space, he didn’t want the new version of normality, he was just scared that Jehan would leave again. Jehan didn’t care about what had happened any more. The only thing that mattered now was that Dorian wanted to put everything back together, to go back to how they had been. The only thing that mattered now was what was to come. “Can we snuggle up and get back to our books?”

  • But I can't do this aloneDorian, Wed Sep 26 01:17
    "Right, sorry," Dorian apologised, noting the hint of annoyance in Jehan's voice. Although the 'of course,' was confusing because the whole problem was that he was no longer free to just say whatever ... more
    • Let me be honest — Jehan, Wed Sep 26 11:15
      • Hope you're waiting at the endDorian, Thu Sep 27 10:20
        That was not the truth. That was definitely not what had happened at all . The look of absolute wide eyed horror that Jehan’s suggestions were met with was more than enough to answer the questions... more
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