Evelyn Stones
Yes! Big beautiful flowers.
Thu May 16, 2019 16:36

Evelyn wasn't crazy. She wasn't crazy. She wasn't crazy. Because she couldn't be crazy if Heinrich was also worried about doing the wrong things and being like his family. He seemed not crazy at all, and he hadn't run away yet. It was dangerous to think that she could maybe get away with talking to other people about this, and she decided not to pursue that train of thought. The few people in her life who knew anything about what was going on were more than enough.

Although, if she really thought about it, there was probably something unhealthy about the fact that no one knew the wholre story. Malikhi knew that things were wrong but didn't know all about it. Ness knew almost everything that was going on but Evelyn didn't always tell the Aladren about what it felt like. She wasn't sure how to express it and she didn't know exactly how much Ness was up for in that regard. Now Heinrich new more about how she felt, but less about what was actually happening. Did that make her a bad wolf, just because she wasn't being honest with anyone? She put it all aside.

The thought of being cut on the broken pieces of the life he'd had made Evelyn sad. She wasn't sure which was worse, and was pretty sure that they were equally awful in different ways. It was easy to say now that she'd rather have had those happy years with her family and not have been hurting all along, but that wasn't really true either. She was sure Heinrich would rather not have gotten his hopes up before his parents were taken away.

He seemed . . . well Evelyn thought he maybe seemed appalled that she would have reported her father. Was it that he was shocked at her betrayal? Or that he was wondering what could've brought her to that point? Should she justify it?

Her conversation with Professor Carter, her conversation with Professor Skies, and her conversations with Ness all came to mind. None of them had thought she was wrong and in fact had encouraged her to come forward with more information as she could. But really, what had it helped? With her mom gone, she had no idea what it would be like to go home next.

Evelyn couldn't help wondering whether her mother had left precisely for that reason. Her daughter had essentially brought a big bright spotlight down on her shame and her pain and wasn't around to deal with it. Or worse, what if her mother had left because of Evelyn herself? Did she see something in her that Evelyn hadn't recognized yet? Was it selfish of her to start a friendship with Heinrich when he clearly was wanting to be friends with nice people and she wasn't sure if she was nice yet?

It was exhausting to be going around in circles asking so many questions, but she thought that they were important to ask. The problem was that she couldn't answer them herself and didn't really have anyone else to ask. Maybe, if she were lucky, that would change. For now, though, she had to keep it to herself and just see.

When Heinrich agreed wholeheartedly that it would be good if they could have a pact of sorts, she exhaled a sigh of relief. She hadn't realized she was holding her breath but the idea that she wasn't going to be alone, and that the person she was confiding in would also need her sometimes just changed everything. She wouldn't have to be Ness' burden anymore.

"I'm so glad to hear you say that," she told him sincerely, allowing a smile to Chaine her expression.

The sheer wash of emotion made her realize just how long today had felt, and how much of a mess she was. She hadn't been intending to let anyone see her like this, and she was mildly embarrassed that someone had. At least that person understood.

"Guterhund," she repeated dutifully, doing a fair job of matching the way Heinrich said it. "I like that."

Then she grimaced, realizing he was right. She took both his attempt to check his pockets and his suggestion that they go elsewhere as a cue to return his robe, and she felt much lonelier without it. She hadn't realized how nice and warm it was and the smell was familiar now, which was good too. It was also chilly on these cliffs, and she felt a bit bad for not having given it back sooner. Her hair was a mess, but it was clean at least, so she was pretty sure it wouldn't smell like sweaty, oily scalp or anything when she gave it back.

"That sounds perfect," she said.

Something about the whole situation had her just feeling so caught up in everything. It was easy to spend time with Heinrich, which was odd, but nice. She got to her feet and brushed the sand and rocks off herself, stretching as she did so. She felt less tired than she had in a long time, and didn't yawn.

Not wanting to appear as vain as she was, she didn't ask for a mirror or a moment to stop by a bathroom or anything like that, instead doing her best to smush her fading blue, pink, and purple hair back into some semblance of normal. She ran it through her fingers and tugged at it, finally settling on something halfway decent. Her own pockets featured a hair tie, so she took the opportunity to tie it all up in a loose bun.

"Thank you," she told him again. She'd read somewhere that positive reinforcement was good and helpful and effective. Gratitude had always seemed like the best way to do that, and it felt very vulnerable without giving too much away. Gratitude was easy. Hopefully it was a good wolf thing to do. "Let's go get a real rock. This is the start of the rest of our lives," she told him, smiling with something pretty close to hope in her eyes.

  • Agreed. We need some flowers.Heinrich , Thu May 16 13:31
    She’d seen her parents bad wolves. In retrospect, admittedly, but she’d seen them. Heinrich wondered if that made her better at this, or just unluckier. It was kind of hard to imagine someone being... more
    • Yes! Big beautiful flowers. — Evelyn Stones, Thu May 16 16:36
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