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Legend of Zelda: Twilight Stripping
Wed Oct 12, 2016 3:00pm

The following is based off of a true story. BECAUSE ZELDA IS REAL, PEOPLE!

Also, if you haven't played Zelda: Twilight Princess, I apologize. Not because without the background information this story won't make any sense to you (which it won't), but because you are seriously missing out.

The essential basics from the game that you need to know are that Link, a goat herder from Ordon, got involved when creatures from the Twilight Realm invaded Hyrule and started conquering the heck out of it. He teamed up with a mischievous little imp named Midna, who turned out to be the true ruler of the Twili and had been cursed by the usurper. In the end, they give evil the righteous smackdown it deserves, Midna's curse is broken, and she turns out to be a total babe. Seriously, check out the fan art. Heck, check out the official art! She's gorgeous. But at the end, Midna goes back to her kingdom and destroys the only gateway to the Twilight realm, and Link and Midna never see each other again. Because happy endings are overrated.

Also, in the game Link can turn into a wolf. And now, to the story.

Link returned to his home after a long day of work. It was strange how he could leave the small village of Ordon, save the kingdom of Hyrule, become a legendary hero after the pattern of legendary heroes, and then let everything go back to normal.

But it wasn't normal. He herded goats, greeted his neighbors, rode his horse, Epona around all day, but the whole thing felt surreal, like a dream he was about to wake up from. Maybe he would always feel that way.

He filled up a bucket with water from the nearby well and lugged it inside to fill up his bathtub. Maybe a nice long soak would help him feel more normal, or accept normalcy, or … or whatever his problem was.

When the tub, a big brass piece that he'd had for as long as he could remember, was full, he added a boiling pot of water from the stove to warm it up. He disrobed, stepped in, and closed his eyes.

"You know," a playful, feminine voice said, "after saving the entire shiny kingdom, you'd be able to move out of this little hovel."

Link's eyes flashed open and he saw … Midna. Midna, in her restored form in the shape of a young woman. Midna, who had trapped herself in another dimension and had destroyed the only way back.

"A mansion, at least," she continued. Orange hair spilled out of her hood, framing her perfectly sculpted face, and her skirt was slit up to her hip. And what hips she had. "Even if you didn't want to move, I'm sure Princess Zelda could have had something built in this quaint little … place."

Link was a man of few words, which worked fine when he was fighting monsters who didn't want to talk, but terrible when dealing with women. "How did–" he forced out.

"Do you mind if I join you?" she said, interrupting him. She shrugged off her cloak and undid her skirt, leaving them on a pile on the floor, revealing her black and gray marbled skin in its entirety, sending all intelligent thought out of his head. She stepped into the water, and Link couldn't help but stare as the surface enveloped her long and shapely leg. He had never considered his tub small before, but now he could think of nothing beside how cramped it was with too people, how intimate.

"As much as I enjoy watching you drool," she said, leaning back, pressing her soft, smooth body more and more against the sides of his legs, "I have to say that the conversation is not as stimulating as I had hoped." Her foot found its way between his legs, and she smiled. "Well, maybe stimulating isn't the right word."

He scooted away as far as the tub would allow and tried to make himself think. "How did you … get here?"

Midna rolled her eyes and stretched, arching her back and making her breasts stick out even more. "Seriously? You want the exposition now? I had a second way here. Of course I had to destroy the way into my world that everyone knew about, because otherwise the worlds of Light and Twilight would keep on bothering each other, and we've seen how that worked out. Then I waited for you and Zelda, the two most trustworthy people of Hyrule, tell everyone that our worlds were cut off forever, and then I came back to visit, which brings us up to now." She sank into the water until only her arms, head, and breasts were exposed, and her leg snaked up his chest and rested on his shoulder. "You can't tell me that you aren't happy to see me. I checked."

She checked. With his manhood fully erect, there was no question what she meant, and he gripped the sides of the bathtub, his entire body trembling with the effort not to grab the beautiful naked woman in front of him and unleash his lust. He forced his eyes closed, hoping that if he couldn't see her and only knew she was there, it would be easier to resist. It wasn't.


"Have you ever tried ruling a kingdom? It's boring. They don't bar the palace windows to prevent people from sneaking in, they do it to keep rulers from throwing themselves out. So I decided to take a few weeks off, and now, you and I are going to play a game."

"A-a game." Oh, goddess, this was not going to end well.

"Yes." He heard laughter on her voice, and then the water sloshed around and suddenly she was nearly on top of him, her nipples brushing against his chest like angels' wings, though succumbs might be more appropriate, and he felt her breath on his ear. "See, I'm starting to think that you haven't seen a naked woman all too often, and I'm starting to miss the stoic little swordsman I remember you as. So we're going to team up like we used to with me hiding in your shadow for old time's sake, and we're going to visit all your lady friends, and strip them naked."

Link's eyes flashed open. "What?"

She giggled, and her lips brushed against the side of his face. "And take a picture of them. I thought you would be in Castle Town, but when I didn't find you there, I picked up this adorable little pictograph box that they're selling these days."

She was teasing him. Relentlessly, ever since he saw her. There wasn't much more he could take. "W-why?"

"Because it will be fun, silly! Legendary heroes have fun every now and then, don't they? Otherwise, us princesses might get bored. And if you win, you big, bad wolf, I'll give you a prize, something that I know you'll love. But we both know that you're not going to do it for the reward. You're going to do this because you always do what I say. You always have, and you always will."

And with that, the least known, most historically repressed and denied Legend of Zelda began.

    • Don't know how I missed this... - The Controverser, Thu Oct 13 4:37pm
      Growing up I was a Legend of Zelda fan and I actually played through Twilight Princess when it first came out so I am very interested to see where this goes. Kudos for bringing new life to these... more
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