Kaye Packman
It's all shiny and new
Fri Oct 12, 2018 16:34

Kaye didn’t know how to handle feeling this sad all of the time.

To be fair, the emotion changed around quite a bit. Sometimes, she felt really sad. It was like there was this lump in her throat that she just couldn’t get rid of, and the weight of it made her feel like she might be swallowed by the floor. It made her feet too heavy to move, made her mind drift off, completely losing any ability she had before to focus. Kaye also recognized that this could just be fatigue from the chronic illness or whatever and that she was probably being dramatic, but then she remembered that she had the right to be sad, and that’s when she got angry.

How could Ruben do that to her? How could he make out with another person? Guy or girl, it didn’t matter. Kaye knew how she looked. She was absolutely one of the hottest people she’d ever seen, and she was also one of the most badass. Ruben was out of his mind to decide to kiss someone else. Sure, he said the other guy started it, but he certainly didn’t stop it. Maybe it was caused by the distance. It’s not like they lived in the same place all year anymore. But - no, she didn’t want to rationalize it! That just pissed her off more. Who cares why it happened? It happened, and it sucked.

But then he kept sending all those notes. She’d moved on from ignoring them to acknowledging their existence (by having The Founding Feather, the owl he gave her, take a crap on his head when returning the note) because she felt so guilty. Ruben was hurting too. He’d never admit it, probably, but this sucked for him. And as much as she felt she had the right to torture him a little, she also felt bad about it. She knew he loved her, and she loved him.

Which is what led to the emotion she liked the least: utter confusion. This is when she started thinking about what would happen if they did make up. What then? She’d almost decided for sure on attending Rice next fall. They had some really neat technomancy programs while also seeming like a total Muggle college. It was close to her dads, and the campus was actually pretty cool. They’d given themselves a self-guided tour over midterm, and she’d randomly found a treehouse on campus. Plus, there was a bar underneath one of the academic buildings that you could go to where all the sales went to charities. It certainly had the campus life she’d want out of a school.

Being with Ruben, though, meant maybe living in the woods. She doubted he’d make her choose him over more school, but it wasn’t like this long distance thing was working out now. He cheated on her. Even if they made up now… would there be a point? Or would it just be over in a few months? She didn’t want that, but she also didn’t want to live in the woods. And she absolutely did not want to be cheated on again.

With these thoughts swirling around her mind once again (which was so annoying UGH), Kaye made her way from class to Aquila. She’d considered stopping by the Diner before, but she realized she just wasn’t that hungry. Probably not a great sign. When she got to her common room’s entrance, though, she was stopped by a totally different Swede.

“Hey Anssi,” Kaye managed a small smile. She liked Anssi a lot. He was super sweet, totally the opposite of Ruben, and he liked her, too. She didn’t have any siblings of her own, but if they were anything like the Draco, then they probably wouldn’t have been half bad. It briefly occurred to her that they hadn’t really talked since before midterm, but her energy couldn’t be spent on that for long, because he started talking, and he was upset.

If anyone had hurt Anssi, or picked on him or whatever, she would absolutely kick their fu--

Oh. He was apologizing to her. Why?

Anssi knew, and he was sorry for not telling her. Oh. Kaye hesitated, not sure what to do with this situation. But Anssi was so upset, and she was, too, and everything was just confusing and it sucked and… Kaye shook her head, stopping that spiral from doing any kind of loop-de-loops.

She didn’t know what to say, so she closed the distance between them and gave him a hug. Kaye squeezed him close. “It’s okay. Anssi, I’m not mad at you. It’s okay.”

  • Coming clean [tag: Kaye] - Mikael Anselm Lundqvist, Fri Oct 5 23:58
    One leg stretched out in front of him, Anssi wiggled his ankle around in a circle and then pulled it back in to be crossed on top of his other leg once more. It was not normal for the blonde to be... more
    • It's all shiny and new - Kaye Packman, Fri Oct 12 16:34
      • And long overdue - Anssi, Sun Nov 4 17:03
        Wiping his eyes had made a damp spot on his sleeve, but he had not yet thought far ahead enough to shuffle his sleeve around his wrist and switch to a dry spot, so he just kept smearing the salty... more
        • How about a quick turn around? - Kaye, Tue Nov 6 19:33
          Anssi was the closest thing she had to a sibling. Kaye never wanted a brother or sister. She’d never begged her parents to get another child, never tried to make deals, never really brought home... more
          • I'm still dragging my feet - Anssi, Thu Nov 15 15:04
            ... oh . So Ruben had not told Kaye that he knew. Anssi had not been sure either way, but it felt like a bit of relief, both the part of knowing now for sure and the part of knowing Kaye had not been ... more
            • We'll catch up eventually - Kaye, Mon Nov 19 12:45
              Yup, it looked like they were talking about it. She made a pact with herself in the moment that she wasn’t going to cry. Kaye hated doing the emotion thing, and she definitely didn’t want to do it in ... more
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