Just bury me alive.
Wed May 3, 2017 05:24

For a split second after the door swung open, Elijah debated running. It was fleeting and completely overwhelming and the Cetus twitched in response. Instead of bolting down the hallway, however, the male forced his muscles to take him forward, further into the office. He sank into one of the arm chairs, dread and anxiety filling him as he did so. His bore holes into the floor at his feet as Garen situated himself in the chair opposite from the Ceti, a thing that should have comforted him. Instead, it had him swimming in his own guilt. Swallowing back the emotion and possible bile that climbed up the back of his throat, Elijah clasped his hands together tightly to keep them from trembling as much.

He could only imagine that Garen might be thinking that tis visit had something to do with his mother, but it didn’t really. At least, not the one that loved him desperately. It had a bit more to do with his apparent loss of control and even more to do with the genetics he didn’t even want. He had previously discussed with the counselor that fact that he had been trying to get into contact with his biological parents, an attempt that had come to fruition over the Midterm. Of course, Elijah had been dealing with a lot at his last visit and had chosen to leave out the details of what he had found when he did meet the people who gave him up for adoption.

Megan and Benjamin Weiss were a well to do pureblooded couple, at least on the surface. If you sat with them for a time, bathed in awkward silence only broken by the noises of a seven-year-old girl playing in the next room over, you could see the cracks in their nervous façade. The woman would twitch, wringing her hands nervously or running them gently to smooth out nonexistent wrinkles on an already immaculately pressed skirt, eyes darting apprehensively to her husband. The man in question held himself tightly, barely concealed anger evident in facial features that distinctly resembled both the young girl in the other room and the stranger sitting at their dining room table. Elijah had kept the “visit” mercifully short, leaving more confused than he had been before.

Things hadn’t been easier from there. If you did enough digging (and after two years of searching, there wasn’t going to be anything that stopped him from digging), the entire history of a group of people could be revealed. Public records didn’t really tell him anything, but a few well-placed internet searches and a muggle credit card had provided more information than any papers from the foster homes would. A history of domestic violence charges and a judge’s ruling for help concerning something called IED had been issued to one Benjamin Elijah Weiss. Multiple times, or so the record stated. It seemed like interventions didn’t really help for the man.

It hadn’t bothered Elijah any, knowing that they couldn’t give him a good reason for leaving him out of their life. Despite all the searching, Elijah had a family that loved him and it was clear to the Cetus that he’d probably had a better life growing up a Carthy, instead of a Weiss. What bothered him most was the way he’d so closely resembled his biological father, a man who apparently had bigger troubles than his rejected teenage son showing up at his door in the middle of winter. It was sometime after that Elijah’s anger and irritation and begun to spiral, slowly. Little things at first that caused spouts of anger and irrationalness, things that should have been meaningless. While he had a lot on his mind, Elijah didn’t necessarily think that what had happened was any reason to be that upset. But it only got worse and then, well, Lucien had threatened Camilla and it was like a switch had flipped.

Most of this story tumbled out of Elijah’s mouth as it came to mind, eyes still on the ground, but he paused at the part he needed to tell most. His trembles stopped and he felt himself pale. “But that’s not why I’m here,” he said, trying to figure out how to explain what had happened without making it seem like he had mindlessly beaten Lucien Dubois for no reason. “I-I can’t make it stop.” The male took a shaky breath, leaning back and running a hand in frustration through his hair. He felt red anger surge through him and he squeezed his eyes shut. “I can’t stop being angry and it gets worse, consistently.”

It was why he started avoiding people. While the event with Lucien had indeed been triggered by what Camilla had told him, other episodes had no rationale at all. The broken mirror after the Blind Date Party, moments on the Quidditch Pitch where violent anger had blinded him into nearly doing something drastic. The people he was closest to were the people he worried about hurting the most. His friends, like Danny and Francine, his teammates, Marissa – who he’d begun avoiding with no explanation to the end of their private meetings, and Camilla – may god strike him where he stood if he ever did anything to her.

“I’m afraid of it,” Elijah faltered again with his words. “There’s no reason to it, I just – it’s always there and it hasn’t gone away in a long time. D-d’you remember when Lucien threatened Camilla?” Elijah waited for an affirmative reply before continuing. “I don’t remember it, it’s hazy, but-“Another break, the same as those before. Why was he doing this again? “I remember being so angry I couldn’t see straight and I just- I just –“ The memory swam in Elijah’s head and he made a noise of irritation, hands breaking apart just to ball into fists. His emotional range had switched and now, all the Ceti felt was rage. “I thrashed him.”

It was the simplest way to describe it.

“I wasn’t even thinking about it, I just did it.” Elijah felt exhausted, anger, and torn all at once and his shoulders slumped. Just like someone had turned the switch off, tears welled in Elijah’s eyes once more. “It didn’t stop, after. It just got worse and keeps getting worse and I- I need it to stop.” Hazy blue eyes lifted to Garen’s face, a pleading expression written on tormented features. “Please, I need you to help me make it stop. I’ll do anything to feel like me again. Anything, I just, I don't want to hurt anyone again."

  • First responder - Counselor Garen Tennant, Thu Apr 13 15:03
    Miraculously, the situation involving Lucien Dubois, Holland Keene, and what appeared to be every fifth-year and the entirety of Lyra House seemed to have stabilized without the need for a school... more
    • Just bury me alive. - Elijah, Wed May 3 05:24
      • That sounds drastic - Counselor Tennant, Tue May 23 12:38
        Garen listened as Elijah talked about his birth parents. He expected Drew might want to find out who his biological father was someday, although unlike the Carthys, Garen had no information about the ... more
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