Do I look like I care if you care?
Sun Aug 25, 2019 00:48

Really? That was her defense? “Well, excuse me, princess,” Elliot said, in a great imitation of Link, “but red-headed people look the same from the back far away when they’re hiding under desks, and Kit has it out for me so I’m not taking chances.” Elliot might be better in every conceivable way but Kit was older and grew up in a 100% magic home, so she probably knew spells he hadn’t gotten to yet. And it would be exactly like Kit to stalk him into a classroom, and she stalked around random hallways anyway so Elliot needed to have CONSTANT VIGILANCE. He would admit she didn’t sneak because Kit was as capable of sneaking as a warthog covered in jingle bells, but Elliot knew in his heart of hearts that Kit would try if she thought it would inconvenience him. She had already created an entire club just to inconvenience him.

So there, Dea. But before he could point that part out she answered his question and that was a lot more… interesting? Confusing? Elliot was really close friends with Eugene (really close) and Tycho, so he had heard a lot of harebrained schemes in his life, but this was pretty harebrained if he did say so himself.

And he had a lot of questions. Was a pyramid scheme the same as a Ponzi scheme? Was that the kind where it cost you a ton of money right from the start, unless you recruited other people to do the same thing, like those makeup things Mama was always complaining Ari’s friends’ moms kept inviting her to do? If it was a pyramid scheme, then how had no one solicited him to buy candy yet? Elliot barely had any money at school, because he had nowhere to spend it, but he would’ve liked to have been asked. A hyper half-Muggle seemed like the target audience for candy dealers. Frankly, he was offended. Also confused by the smuggling aspect, but they could get to that later.

On the other hand, he would really like to get his hands on Red Hots and Sour Patch Kids, the two best candies. Elliot knew if he wrote home his family would probably send him some, and Pixie Stix for Dea, but Dea’s plan was crazy enough that he kinda just wanted to see what would happen. And Dea was offering to do all the blackmailing stuff, so his candy-filled hands would be totally clean. Elliot liked the sound of that. Seemed easy enough. Plus he had to admire the balls it took to just casually decide to blackmail upperclassmen. The Iron Bull was right. Redheads, man.

He was still perched on the desk, so he hopped off and leaned against one of the chairs instead. “Sure, I’m in,” Elliot said. It was a win-win situation. All he had to do was help Dea figure out who she was looking for. He channelled the greatest detective, Batman, and surveyed the crime scene. He didn’t have a HUD to point him to clues but he could solve this. “Okay, so if you sit there in—which class?—well, no matter what, it must be an upperclassman, someone who isn’t in that beginners’ class. So we could just hang out here before every block and see who sits there in each class. Narrow it down like that.”

That part of the plan was super easy. “But, um, why’re they gonna listen to a first-year’s blackmail? Having candy isn’t actually against the rules, so what are you gonna tell on them for?” Elliot raised his eyebrows. “Unless you’re blackmailing them with the drama?”

  • Yeah, so? Do I look like I care? - Deagret, Sun Aug 25 00:10
    Of course it was Elliot. Not that she was mad. Not in the slightest—Deagret was happy to see her Acquaintance in Mischievous Deeds (hey, he needed a title, and she wasn’t sure if they were close... more
    • Do I look like I care if you care? - Elliot, Sun Aug 25 00:48
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