I always prefer to flee
Mon Aug 14, 2017 23:15

Even flattened across his cheeks, a theoretically stable position, Russell could feel his hands shaking. Bony fingers trembled, the tips rubbing over his eyelids, and it was a good thing that his eyes were closed. Not that he would’ve minded poking them out with his nails (on the best of days they were barely functional anyways, and today was a day he wouldn’t think twice about losing them entirely); rather, there was a telltale burning starting up, and closed-eyes made it a fraction easier for him to summon up the scrap of willpower he had to keep any tears from leaking out.

He was so pathetic. It wasn’t like he was totally clueless or had never had any sort of education on this topic before. Nope, Russell had been subjected to the same horror known as The Birds-and-Bees Talk that supposedly every kid went through when their parents realized they had hit the teens. His own parents had never had any concern about him engaging in… encounters of that sort, of course, because how on Earth would he have done that when it was a two-player sort of thing, but they had jumped on the wagon with carefully-measured explanations and just enough detail for him to get the point and then cover his ears.

But knowing the mechanics of how it worked and how babies happened didn’t mean in any way, shape, or form that Russell had an interest in acting it out, which was basically what this class was about.

They were handed a (monstrous) fake baby. They were put in the role of parents having to raise it, something that he was entirely unequipped to do for obvious reasons - he’d probably feed it the wrong thing since he couldn’t distinguish milk from cider and he wouldn’t be able to take care of it properly since loud noises startled him too much and he’d literally have to raise it in the dark on top of that and it would probably be disabled, too, since monochromatism was genetically inherited and his was so severe and his child would despise him for passing it on as much as he despised being the only one in his family who had it this bad. And if that wasn’t enough, being posed as the parents of this (monstrous) fake baby implied that their parental personas had done… that... and it was presumably just as awful as it sounded. Hence the nightmare of it all.

He cringed automatically at the unexpected contact, his upper body jerking more violently than normal-for-him. Marissa’s voice helped him put it together, though, and the Californian also relaxed from the surprise more quickly than normal-for-him. Taking a breath, Russell tried to focus on her hand-circles and force himself to exhale and breathe back in as steadily as possible. It wasn’t very steady, but it didn’t feel like his lungs were going to rattle their way up his throat, either, and it got better as she kept talking and he kept listening. Oh, leaving sounded like a very good idea. Also even more pathetic, and did he really want to stoop that low and risk his grades and everything all within a single class like this? Though, if he’d already puked in front of most everyone here currently, how could it get any worse? Except he wanted it to be better, not worse or same-as!

“Ye-- No-- I ca-- I dunno,” he ground out tediously. Rubbing at his eyes to get rid of the watery bit that had managed to escape, he took another deep, shaky breath and brought his hands down from his face, wiping the moisture off on his shorts. “I can’t leave like, like this,” he said, referencing what he assumed were visible shakes and jitteriness. His nystagmus was acting up under the stress; he could feel both eyes twitching back and forth behind his sunglasses. “Or go to the counsellor.” Pathetic. “I just… I just want to...” Russell reached up, and Jaws jumped into his cupped hands. His fingers stroked the black fur absently. “Be alone, I guess. With you,” he hastily amended, “that’s okay... But, uh, we should, maybe, get all of - that - first? I don’t want to, but I want to come back less.”

  • “Hi, Marissa.” Oh, no. Oh no, no, no. Marissa was paired with Russell. She was paired with sweet, innocent, kind Russell who showed her really cool new dance moves and was her friend and thought she... more
    • I always prefer to flee - Russell, Mon Aug 14 23:15
      • Run away! - Marissa, Sun Aug 20 13:48
        Marissa hated how self-centered she’d been since term started. It probably helped scare Danny off. The group hadn’t been hanging out as much, for which Marissa felt fully to blame, and she definitely ... more
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