Ruben Lundqvist, Designated Baby Caregiver
Introducing: Baby Daycare and its totally unqualified staff
Fri Aug 25, 2017 23:48

Americans had come up with a lot of stupid things over the pathetically short history of their country, but there was the odd thing that contributed to life on Earth instead of making it stupider. Hallowe’en was one of those things. It had been slowly imported to the Nordic countries, along with greasy McDonald’s (he’d take a Maxburger any day) and weak-ass metal bands (didn’t they know they couldn’t stand a chance against Norwegian black metal or Swedish power and doom?). And it was easily the best import they could’ve gotten. Seriously, a whole night to skulk around in creepy costume and terrorize small children? Sign him up!

Unfortunately, to Ruben’s extreme and vocal displeasure, his most recent evening with RMI’s headmaster Reynaldo Bonilla had left him with the unbearably cheerful promise that he would be responsible for supervising some kind of dumb daycare for the dumb fake babies. Instead of getting to hang out at the Hallowe’en party with Kaye and sneak up on people and just generally make the most of it, he was being forced to hang out with Ofosu and change diapers and other garbage like that. It was ridiculous.

And he wasn’t even allowed his wand, because apparently that was dangerous, which was also ridiculous. Yeah, fine, he’d used his wand to cast a variety of spells against Danny’s shield, but that was only because Danny was being a wimp and was hiding behind a shield in the first place. It had been a totally civilized and logical fight. As soon as Danny was out from the shield, Ruben had hit him, as was only proper, and once he’d established that something resembling a back-and-forth existed, he’d sat back and listened to what the other boy had to say. So, really, unless Reynaldo Bonilla cut off his hands or broke his fingers or something else to stop him from making a fist, it made no sense to take away his wand. (And with a frilly name like Reynaldo Bonilla, that was never going to happen.)

Anyways, as idiotic as the whole thing was, Ruben was already one hour into his mandated jail service and despising babies more with every passing minute. He had tried to get in the Hallowe’en spirit with a particularly ferocious shirt, which he had bought off one of the magical vendors on Pearl Street earlier in the year. It featured a sabre-toothed cat that periodically let out a silent roar, causing the flames around it to jump and spark. But he hadn’t been allowed to wear his usual spiked jewelry, because babies, not that he cared too much but he did have the babies of people for whom he held some grains of respect for under his care tonight. Testing out Synnöve’s durability was okay, but there was no point ruining other student’s babies. Emmett had seemed to pick up on this mindset, because of the babies present, well, Sonny was not.

“It is right here. Just shut up and drink already,” he ordered the noisy baby in his arms, bouncing it a little while he poked its face with the nub of the bottle. It finally bit down on it, hard, and Ruben winced reflexively. “You are a monster. The real thing is not something to bite… or not there, at least.” He wasn’t too surprised, however, because this baby was none other than Victoria Emily Bartel-Rhines, as Heather had told him proudly when she handed it over. Victoria - or Vic-the-Prick, as he had taken to calling it as soon as Heather had strutted off with too much and also not enough wiggle to her catsuit - was easily the fattest of all the babies currently in daycare. Despite that, it never stopped wanting to eat more. Or maybe that was why it was so fat.

“And what do you want?” he snapped irritably at another baby. It had crawled over and started hitting his shoe for no reason. Ruben was tempted to hit it back, but restrained and instead poked it with his toe. It did a weird crawl-roll over a couple centimetres and then started crying. “Pffft.” Which baby was this? He craned his neck to try reading its nametag. (Ofosu had insisted on tagging all of them as they were brought in, because they would be easier to keep track of and hand back to their proper ‘parents’, but the man had taken this responsibility to heart. He’d been filling out the same damn name-chart on his clipboard for the past hour. Yup, the same hour that Ruben had BS’d his way through changing three diapers and refilling All Of The Bottles and keeping Roger Reynolds’ moron of a baby from choking itself by eating the carpet. Wasn’t Ofosu supposed to be the teacher, here? Pffft, again.)

“Tog,” he managed to read. What the heck kind of name was Tog? Better yet, who the heck had picked it, so that he would know who to mock later tonight when he and Kaye were bored in a camping tent together? Ruben scoffed to himself and gingerly sat down cross-legged on the floor. Transferring Vic-the-Prick to one arm and balancing the bottle against those same fingers, he reached over to Tog, but soon realized he couldn’t lean forward enough with another baby practically in his lap. He cast a sneaky glance towards where Ofosu was sitting (the man had conjured up a real armchair and still had his face buried in his clipboard, pffft again-again) and then dragged the baby closer to him by one foot. Tog whined, but once he was in better range, Ruben energetically tickled its stomach, and the whining stopped. Except now it was wheeze-laughing. Still loud. He huffed in annoyance, blowing away the bit of blonde that had come undone from his loose braid.

From his peripheral vision, he saw someone approach the daycare centre and, without looking at them, ordered, “If you have another stupid baby to give away, just put it on the floor. It is not a special snowball and I cannot drop everything for you.”

  • Halloween Party with Camping! - Headmaster Bonilla, Fri Aug 25 13:13
    Headmaster Reynaldo Bonilla had a great term so far. Today was Halloween, and he had decided to throw a Halloween party this time instead of a traditional Halloween feast as Halloween was on a Friday ... more
    • A criminal, I guess - Rose Farnon, Thu Aug 31 10:44
      Overall, Rose was kind of ambivalent towards Halloween at this point, but it made Marissa happy (her entire family was into dressing up together apparently; Rose had seen some pictures) so Rose did... more
      • An athlete, then - Dardanius Dubois, Thu Aug 31 11:01
        The group outing to the movie theater on Pearl Street had been a great plan. Having the whole group together for the first time in ages had been been great… even if Rose and Emmett had made things a... more
        • Not the most accurate of labels - Rose, Sat Sep 2 11:47
          Rose made a face at Danny. He’d mostly made up with Marissa, so Rose was no longer as mad at him, but the point still stood that he should have been less of an idiot when it came to Rose’s closest... more
          • It's only a costume - Dardanius, Sat Sep 2 16:15
            Rose made a face at him. Danny made a face back. They were doing exceptionally well at maturing into young adults, he thought, as they walked together to go carve features into seasonal squash.... more
            • Or is it? - Rose, Fri Sep 8 10:38
              Rose was a competitive person - it was one of the reasons she did so well in Quidditch - but there was something about Danny Dubois that made her more competitive than usual. It might have been that... more
              • “Style?” Danny repeated with a laugh. “Now you're just skewing the competition in your favor.” He teased, but it was true - nobody had ever accused Dardanius of having style (Holland often accused... more
    • Away with the Fairies - Myfanwy Owen, Mon Aug 28 09:17
      Myfanwy was so completely excited about the Halloween party. Nobody really did anything about Halloween back home. Sometimes maybe the teachers at school might make the class about ghosts or... more
      • Time to bring you back down to earth - Leopold Harris, Sat Sep 2 14:10
        Leopold started the night off pumpkin carving. The idea of gutting something immediately appealed to him however it was soon apparent that despite being a Lyra, Leo was not an artistically talented... more
        • But I like my head in the clouds - Myfanwy, Tue Sep 5 16:18
          “I don’t want any,” Myffi answered with mild disgust, like somebody had tried to make her eat boiled haggis or something equally disturbing and unappetising. She might even have taken a step back in... more
          • Leo did not like being laughed at but because she was a girl and everything he couldn’t really yell at her, so he took a deep breath and counted to five like his mom was always telling him to. The... more
            • I like piña coladas - Myffi, Sat Sep 9 16:30
              Organic caviar? That wasn’t even a thing. “No, because I’m vegan,” Myffi pointed out like this was obvious, “but yes, actually, I do prefer to only eat organic food.” That’s why she had to prepare... more
    • Does twice make a habit? - Dade Farnon, Sun Aug 27 20:21
      Last year, Remington had talked Dade into attending the Halloween party that Rose and Marissa had put on for the school. This term, it looked like Headmaster Bonilla had taken a leaf out of Marissa’s ... more
      • The third time will be the charm - Remington Burnham, Sat Sep 2 18:04
        For once, Remington didn’t have on a bow. She’d considered, briefly, having a Lilo and Stitch themed bow in her hair. It’s not like the look could be completely accurate. Her hair was all curly while ... more
    • What Webs We Weave - Hunter Ioma, Sun Aug 27 18:53
      Hunter stood in front of the mirror and reviewed his costume to make sure he had everything. Bright red robes with massively too-big sleeves and in which his four-foot-eight-inch self was practically ... more
      • Dancing hippos! - Satveer (Sam) Mittal, Thu Aug 31 06:19
        The day of the party was here. Satveer had finished classes early and spent his preparation time faffing. Considering how few items of clothing made up his costume, it took him ages to get ready. The ... more
    • This Halloween, I'm a wallflower - Marissa Kendrick, Sat Aug 26 19:08
      Marissa didn’t want to go to this party. For once, she would’ve been fine with staying in and enjoying the quiet. She came up with the group’s costume, though, from a movie night they had on Pearl... more
      • That's my specialty - Maverick Buchannan , Fri Sep 1 15:37
        Once again, Mave had been tricked somehow into attending some weird RMI party. He really needed to stop letting Holland persuade him to be social. Although admittedly, the last party had been pretty... more
        • Then you can teach me! - Marissa, Sun Sep 3 11:06
          Marissa managed to give Mave a small smile. She wasn’t surprised that this is who ended up with her at the campfire. There were very few people at Rocky Mountain International that stayed away from... more
    • A night of fright, for sure. - Darlene Knight, Sat Aug 26 10:30
      She had brought this on herself, and she knew it. Darlene had dared to mention that she had never done anything for Halloween in the presence of the most zealous roommate in the world, and thus Kit... more
      • Feeling insecure - Magdalena Adler, Sun Aug 27 12:17
        Alena hadn’t planned on coming to the party. Parties were not really her thing. Her past experiences of parties usually involved her hanging out by the snacks all night awkwardly failing to start... more
    • Introducing: Baby Daycare and its totally unqualified staff - Ruben Lundqvist, Designated Baby Caregiver, Fri Aug 25 23:48
      • Bonilla is Crazy, tbh - Camilla Baird, Sat Sep 2 18:57
        Things hadn't been going as well as Camilla had expected, and they didn't seem to have a plan to get improved in the near future. It wasn't that something terribly bad had happened, things were the... more
        • Time was passing way too slowly, and there were way too many babies stuffed into one place, and that one place they were stuffed had contained almost exclusively two adults for the entire long-ass... more
          • I have to defer on that - Camilla, Fri Sep 8 23:12
            Camilla had to give it to Ruben that the babies, or the fake babies, surrounding them were creepy and gross. In fact, if babies were a pinch of what these creatures were she had to admit that it was... more
    • What do you call a triceratops in a spiderweb? - Andrew Tennant, Fri Aug 25 21:22
      Kit was being a stegosaurus for Halloween, so Drew had a list of dinosaurs to choose from and he had picked triceratops. Technically he probably could have gone as anything but then he would never... more
      • "Stuck"? - Raja Nazari-Richards, Sat Aug 26 11:28
        Raja was pretty fond of Halloween. His parents were kinda health nuts so he didn’t usually get a lot of candy, and this was the one day a year where they somewhat forgot about calories and sugar... more
        • I don’t have a punchline, so sure - Drew, Fri Sep 8 14:04
          Drew didn’t know Raja really at all, but he knew a lot of Raja’s family. His parents used to work at RMI with Dad, and they got Christmas cards from the Shepard-Richardses every year. (Drew was... more
    • Sure, this is a party, sure. - Kaye Packman, Fri Aug 25 21:17
      This side of a full Rocky Mountain International term was very hectic. She couldn’t believe how insane the upper years were. The most interesting part was that none of them seem interested in making... more
      • It's a DINOSAUR PARTY - Katherine Kendrick, Sat Aug 26 17:08
        Halloween was one of Kit’s favorite times of year but it was the first year that she hadn’t done Halloween with at least Mom and Dad so it was a little sad BUT it was not so sad because she was doing ... more
    • Not a fan of jump scares - Holland Keene, Fri Aug 25 19:24
      Somehow, Danny and Ruben’s fight had pressed the reset button on their friend group, and people were getting along with each other again. At least tentatively. Marissa had organized the group go see... more
      • I just don't like being jumped on! - Marley Chapman, Sat Aug 26 10:53
        "How do I look?" Marley did a twirl to show off her outfit. A twirl would've worked better if she was wearing, like, a bit poofy skirt, or a cape. Or both! One year, when she was maybe around seven,... more
        • Yeah, I’m not exactly jumping for joy - Holland, Sun Aug 27 01:10
          Holland was still in fight-or-flight mode for a few seconds after Marley appeared, but then they started to settle down. At least they hadn’t hit their teammate with the Stinging Jinx—or maybe they... more
          • At least we're... jumping? - Marley, Wed Aug 30 20:48
            It was Holland, phew. “Oh, great!” she exclaimed in a breathy whoosh of exhaled air and hopped a quick step closer. Haunted houses were always better with company. And, like, this wasn’t exactly a... more
            • More like jumpy - Holland, Fri Sep 8 17:27
              Marley talked a lot, and Holland may have tuned out a bit, but the gist was that they should walk together. That was fine with Holland; they walked with their wand arm up and the light valiantly... more
    • Pumpkin Carving! - Wyatt Munro, Fri Aug 25 14:49
      Wyatt didn’t love Halloween like everyone else in this school seemed to, but he was ready to cut loose a bit. The fourth year had charmed his skin and hair different shades of green. He wore a purple ... more
      • Panicking! - Claudia Dubois, Fri Aug 25 18:15
        Claudia had absolutely no intention of going to the Hallowe’en party whatsoever. Danny had tried to encourage her to go (but why he thought Claudia would listen to him right now when he obviously... more
        • No need for that - Wyatt, Mon Aug 28 09:57
          Wyatt smiled when he realized the person also at the Pumpkin Carving station was none other than Claudia Dubois. The fourth year had in the past paired up in classes with her a few times over the... more
          • I can't help it - Claudia, Mon Aug 28 15:13
            She hated that she felt so exhilarated and helpless just from walking through some darkness and fog, along with effects that probably hadn’t bothered most of the first years, let alone students her... more
            • Wyatt realized his joke about vampires didn’t land with Claudia. Maybe she wasn’t supposed to be a vampire but some famous witch. He wracked his brain trying to remember some famous witch that... more
              • I'll do my best - Claudia, Sat Sep 2 09:39
                Claudia wasn’t entirely certain how to react to discovering that Wyatt’s mother was Muggleborn, so she just nodded in acknowledgment. She knew she ought not to be surprised, because Muggleborn... more
    • The Dragon has arrived! - Silas Graley, Fri Aug 25 13:48
      Silas Graley was having a blast here at RMI. He had been here since the start of October, and even though he missed his parents, he loved being here. The dark brown haired boy was enjoying his... more
      • Me too! But I'm not a dragon. - Mikael Anselm Lundqvist, Sat Aug 26 23:06
        Anssi had never been to a Halloween party before, or even celebrated it at all. But now that he was living in America, Halloween was apparently just the right thing to do. He still didn’t really... more
        • You should be! - Silas, Wed Aug 30 20:35
          Silas looked at how the boy was dressed and held back a laugh. He wasn’t sure what he was dressed as, but he figured it was something Muggle. Silas didn’t know much about Muggles, after all, he was... more
          • I will be a very patchwork-y dragon - Anssi, Mon Sep 4 21:57
            Finally blinking his blue eyes now that he was reassured the other boy wasn’t about to burst into flame, Anssi made a soft oooooh sound, which was not so much a sound of him being reassured as it was ... more
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