But not quite Antarctic
Mon Feb 19, 2018 23:54

Marley was, at first, a little reassured that they had responded with a “no”. Because she didn’t actually completely want to stop being friends with Claudia, and she didn’t want to feel bad for wanting that, even if the prospect of remaining friends after Claudia had expressed such hurtful opinions made her feel uncomfortable and disappointed and, okay, it did make her feel a little bad to want to stay friends. It would probably make her feel a little bad if she went back to hanging out with Claudia like normal, the same as how it had made her feel a little bad to know that Claudia kept dating Connor after finding out how he had lied and thank gosh she had broken up with him when it got Even Worse because that would absolutely have made Marley feel Even Worse too. But regardless of all of that, the two of them had shared so much over the past few years! Surely this wasn’t enough to actually stop their friendship completely?

Then Holland sort of switched angles and said that they wouldn’t keep being friends with someone if the other person kept being stubborn and refusing to listen to them. (Well, Holland didn’t use that exact wording, but that was basically what they meant or at least basically what Marley interpreted they meant.) And that gave her a totally different opening to brain-spiral down. Because, just as much as she didn’t want to feel bad for wanting to stay friends with Claudia after all of this ugly drama, she also didn’t want to feel bad for not wanting to stay friends with Claudia. And just like how she felt a bit bad anyways about the possibility of remaining friends, so she felt a bit bad anyways about the possibility of breaking them up as friends for good. She knew she didn’t need anyone’s permission to feel however she wanted to feel, but she really valued Holland’s opinions, and if Holland was willing to try working to stay friends but also willing to give up if that became too hard…

...Of course, the reality that Claudia had stormed off after their conversation and hadn’t exactly acted like she wanted to go back to being friends ever since sort of suggested that Marley didn’t need to stress too much over making a decision. Claudia had made the decision for them. She could choose to fight for their friendship, but that would mean fighting with her more, and she had quickly discovered that she hated fighting. Their big fight in the library had left her all angry for a few days and mopey for a few days and angry again and she’d really desperately needed someone to talk to because she had run out of ways to express herself to Alice but Holland hadn’t been around apparently but now they were and oops were they talking again?

Yup, they were talking again, and asking questions, too. Or one question. Marley sighed, a big heavy sigh that seemed to flop down all the way into the toes of her sneakers. “Yeaaah. Claudia and I were studying together and then she got all weird. She kept asking about Teal and wanting to know if we were still dating and if I was attracted to her.” The dark-skinned girl frowned, nose wrinkling. “Then she said she didn’t understand why I would date a girl and ‘make my life harder’.” This was, of course, accompanied by air-quotes. Her immediate emotional response to that particular accusation had been mostly annoyed and slightly confused, and that hadn’t changed much since. “But like, that whole thing with Claudia, it’s been the only really hard part, you know? So I got mad and told her that and also that it wasn’t any of her business who I’m attracted to, because it’s not,” she added in defensively before trailing off with an anticlimactic “and then she got mad and left.”

Marley sighed again. “Like, I get that Purebloods have a different culture and it’s more conservative or whatever, and I get that Claudia was just trying to understand, but I don’t feel like she’s trying very hard. Or very nicely. If she really wanted to try to understand, she could at least ask me how I feel instead of assuming it’s hard, and assuming I’m not attracted to Teal, and assuming that changes anything, and-- sorry,” she cut herself off, realizing her throat was doing the tight-er thing that sometimes meant she was gonna get upset. She blinked rapidly to get rid of the very faint watery-eye fuzziness. “Sorry, I know we should like… do the classwork…” Taking a step closer to where the skeletons lay, Marley crouched and pretended to stare at their interlocked arms. Looking down was a good way to focus on not tearing up. Kinda.

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