Sat Jul 21, 2018 08:03

More than anything, Dade was annoyed. He was annoyed at himself for saying things that were confusing, he was annoyed at Drew for being nice and for saying things that made Dade say confusing things, he was annoyed at the professor for having such a stupid class, and he was annoyed at his classmates for existing. There was a very short silence before Drew started talking to him, and when Drew started talking to him itís not like Drew made any more sense than he had to begin with. He was still being super nice. Why couldnít Drew just be normal for three seconds? Nobody was this nice. Especially when their friends were being weird and Dade knew he was being weird because he felt like he was being weird. Even Kit being Kit couldnít explain how nice Drew was. There was something wrong with him or something. Was there some brain disease like Dragon Pox that made you just too nice?

And then Drew kept going and Dade started to realize that Drew thought that he knew something. He was saying things about helping, but they were things that you didnít just say when there was something random going on that you didnít know about. Who was to say that Dade wasnít planning to run away from school, or planning to do something terrible to someone? No, Drew definitely thought he knew something and Dade wasnít entirely sure if that was relieving or terrifying, in part because Dade wasnít sure he knew what was going on.

Staring straight ahead, Dade took a deep breath and reviewed what was going on. Part one, Drew claimed that not everyone (or at least not Drew) wanted to wear girlís clothes sometimes. Part two, the stairs messed up for Dade sometimes (although not this year so far). Part three, Holland and Rose both thought that he was a nonbinary or something. What had Holland said? Something about how Dade was the only person who could know anything about his own gender. But Dade didnít know. He was pretty sure that the only reason he was thinking about this at all was because he knew Holland. Admittedly, he wanted to be like Holland, but that was just because they were older and good at magic and looked so cool all the time, and not in the scary way that Rose did. Holland was even going to a really good school to study Cursebreaking, which was maybe something Dade wanted to do when he grew up. Wanting to be like Holland when he was older didnít mean that he was like Holland now.

This was so confusing. If Dade had been standing, the third-year would have kicked something very hard. Instead, he clenched his fists together and hit the side of the table farthest away from Drew with one hand. It kind of hurt, but it made him feel a little bit better so he hit the table again. Then he stopped, because he didnít want to scare Drew by making him think that Dade wanted to punch him or something. Even though he was annoyed at Drew, he would absolutely never hit Drew. In fact, Dade wasnít sure that heíd even be able to punch someone like Claudia. Hexing was one thing, but actually hitting someone felt - different. More uncomfortable. More like he was being a bad person. Besides, Drew said they were friends no matter what and Dade didnít want to hit his friends.

ďLook, whatever you think you know you donít,Ē Dade said, staring straight ahead at the legs of whoever was in front of them. One of them was wearing a skirt and the other was wearing blue jeans, which was incredibly nondescript and could have described half the class, but whoever it was seemed to be busy actually following directions to notice what was going on with Drew and Dade. ďBecause nothing makes sense, okay? And I donít know how to make it make sense.Ē It seemed like literally everyone had a better idea of things like what you were than Dade did and it made him really angry because that wasnít fair. ďI donít know how everyone is so sure about everything, except me.Ē

Thinking back to the conversation heíd had with Holland, Dade was relatively certain that he wasnít a nonbinary. It wasnít like he didnít feel like he wasnít either a boy or a girl, it was just that sometimes he wanted to do girl things. He never - well, now that the Cetus thought about it, he had never really thought about being a guy that much. It seemed like a weird thing to do. The most heíd ever thought about that sort of thing was how he didnít like wearing guy clothes but he couldnít even think of other things that being a boy was about, so he didnít really understand how anyone could want to be a boy. Girls could wear guys clothes if they wanted, it was just a big deal if boys wanted to wear skirts or whatever, which wasnít fair.

  • Never say never - Drew, Fri Jul 20 23:57
    There was this thing that Aaron did sometimes if he got too overwhelmed or if he and Dad were having a Serious Conversation: he would turn into his animagus form, a border collie, and hide under... more
    • Hypocrite - Dade, Sat Jul 21 08:03
      • Grump - Drew, Sat Jul 21 12:11
        Drew couldnít help it: he jumped a bit when Dade smacked the table the first time. He wasnít as startled when Dade did it again, but he was expecting a third hit and felt a little lacking when there... more
        • You're not wrong - Dade, Sun Jul 22 09:10
          The last time Dade had been uncomfortable in Defense Against the Dark Arts, he had walked out of class because what was the professor going to do, stop him? And what had actually happened was Claudia ... more
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