They say actions speak louder than words
Sat Jan 27, 2018 09:31

Danny distantly registered that his hand felt empty now, and then suddenly they were talking about this. Not just about it being awkward, and them both acknowledging that, but about reasons. Which in some ways seemed sort of pointless, because both seventh years seemed in agreement that nothing was going to happen. That nothing could happen.

“Well, Marissa was definitely a big part of the reason,” Danny said, pushing his empty hands into the back pockets of his jeans. To consider anything then would have been unfair to Marissa, and to Holland, and completely against Danny’s values and even his personality. He had previously found it impossible to be involved with two people at the same time in a very casual manner; there was no way he would contemplate doing anything, with anyone, when he was exclusively with another person (accidental exclamations of attraction notwithstanding). Clearly the circumstances were different now, but that only mattered in the abstract: Danny being currently available would only be of consequence if he and Holland were both interested in pursuing something, and he did not believe that was the case. It still didn’t remove Marissa as an obstacle, either; how would she react if she knew that Holland had been the person to whom Danny had alluded an attraction? Besides, he could not confess to being completely over Marissa anyway; he still thought about her sometimes, even though he knew for sure they wouldn’t be rekindling anything this time.

“But I can’t say she’s the only reason,” Danny agreed. Their break up had been easier that he would have predicted; maybe because he had not initiated it so he couldn’t rethink and regret his decision, or maybe because it had been the end of the summer and returning to school offered a fresh start. Perhaps it was because he had known his relationship with Marissa wasn’t going to last forever; they had both known it from the start. If he had encountered a compelling reason to end it then objectively he could, and would have done so. Yet he hadn’t, because despite their inevitable expiration date he had very much enjoyed being with Marissa, and anyway Holland had not demonstrated any reciprocal interest in Danny. Until recently. While Holland had only offered a non-committal confession - that meant nothing on its own - Danny knew he hadn’t been imagining the renewed peculiarities in their interactions together. Holland hadn’t denied their awkwardness moments ago, nor had they issued any objections to his holding their hand, or any of the many other instances of physical contact he had initiated over the past couple of weeks.

Yet in some ways, Danny being available now and Holland potentially being interested in him were still two irrelevant factors, and they both knew it. “It’s different with y—” Danny started, but cut himself off. Of course it was different with Holland, and he didn’t need to say that out loud. Holland had probably had sufficient experience in being singled out or told they were different to last a lifetime. Dardanius did not need to add to that.

“There would be other things,” he amended. “To consider.”

It wasn’t just Holland’s gender, or their Muggle parentage, or their fierce opposition to everything the patriarchy stood for, but a volatile combination of all these things that rendered Danny’s desire for them almost comically senseless.

  • Some things are better left unsaid - Holland Keene, Fri Jan 26 17:09
    Holland was barely out of the History of Magic classroom when Danny took their hand without preamble. It was like being shocked without static, a buzzing feeling that coursed through them from their... more
    • They say actions speak louder than words - Dardanius, Sat Jan 27 09:31
      • Then try taking action - Holland, Sat Jan 27 11:41
        In the spring, Danny’s attraction to Holland didn’t matter became of Marissa, but that clearly wasn’t the case anymore. Holland hadn’t outright said they meant Danny when they talked to Marissa the... more
        • That sounds like an encouragement - Danny, Sat Jan 27 14:18
          Danny blinked. “I don’t know,” he replied, almost automatically, feeling like a mooncalf caught in wandlight. He hadn’t thought about it - he hadn’t realized there was any reason for him to think... more
          • But you’re still all talk - Holland, Sat Jan 27 20:11
            How was that fair? All dating was a maybe. You went on a date to see if maybe you liked each other enough in that way to go on another date, and if you still liked each other then maybe the... more
            • I feel some discussion is warranted - Danny, Sun Jan 28 06:22
              He hadn’t given much thought to pulling Holland aside for this conversation: he had been driven by distraction, and confusion. If forced to give a reason for being in the passages at that moment he... more
              • Talk is cheap - Holland, Sun Jan 28 11:40
                “Right,” Holland said curtly, ignoring the sinking sensation in their stomach. “ I don’t know wasn’t the same as “no,” but it was close enough. Holland had never asked anyone out before (well, there... more
                • So show me some action - Danny, Sun Jan 28 15:38
                  Danny emitted a vexed huff of dissatisfaction. He understood why Holland wasn’t thrilled with that response, but what did they want him to say? That sure they could just go on a few dates like nobody ... more
                  • Is that a proposition? - Holland, Sun Jan 28 20:34
                    Holland once again had the feeling, like they had gotten last year in the Lyra practice room, that they were having this conversation wrong—like they were being tested on a chapter they hadn’t... more
                    • Let's say Yes - Danny, Mon Jan 29 09:53
                      “I am interested .” Finally Holland had said something definitive. “I like you.” The tightness in Danny’s chest was alleviated, and it was sensational to hear those words spoken, but they did not... more
                      • I can’t just yet - Holland, Mon Jan 29 12:41
                        Holland sighed. Sure, now that Danny had said they should both just forget about this and Holland had agreed, why not explore a scenario in which they had gone on successful dates and wanted to keep... more
                        • Tease - Danny, Tue Jan 30 06:44
                          “Right,” he agreed immediately that Holland had practise handling situations. They had previously discussed that dating was easier for Danny than it was for Holland; just because it was suddenly less ... more
                          • You started it - Holland, Tue Jan 30 12:05
                            “I remember,” Holland said, in a tone suggesting there was no need for elaboration. First-year Holland had been able to handle first-year Danny well enough for him to get over his prejudicial... more
                            • You can finish it - Danny, Tue Jan 30 14:29
                              Holland laughed at Danny’s suggestion, which was definitely a reasonable reaction, although it also sounded suspiciously like Holland wasn’t instinctively and immediately ruling out that option. “But ... more
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