I feel some discussion is warranted
Sun Jan 28, 2018 06:22

He hadn’t given much thought to pulling Holland aside for this conversation: he had been driven by distraction, and confusion. If forced to give a reason for being in the passages at that moment he would guess his intentions had been to put a stop to their recent flirtations. Perhaps by talking about how wildly inappropriate his feelings were, and all the reasons he could not act on them, Danny could bring himself back to order. He liked paying extra attention to Holland, and he suspected they were not impartial to it, either, but it would lead them nowhere but frustration and disappointment.

Or so he had thought, yet somehow he hadn’t managed to convey this message at all, and the more they talked the less likely it seemed. As if to prove it, Holland suggested they go on a date. Danny’s primary reaction was surprise. Holland, who knew better than anyone how hard Danny had over-thought the whole concept of dating, and who knew the ways Danny had messed up dating in not-distant history, was still suggesting that as an option. He detected a spark of excitement, a thrill of encouragement, both vastly overwhelmed by defeat: Holland also knew he had various reasons for being reluctant to date, and almost every single one of those reasons applied with Holland more than they had applied before. The moment they were intimate in public, Danny’s life could be heavily affected, and for potentially nothing. That was too great a risk to take.

Danny pulled his hands from his pockets, made an awkward sort of shrug, and let his arms hang helplessly by his sides. He wanted to explain his reluctance to date without it sounding like outright rejection, or that he was ashamed of his attraction to them. He didn’t want to be reserved, and he wouldn’t keep a relationship hidden. In the interest of privacy, he could theoretically date Holland secretly, with neither of them telling anyone, but Danny would never suggest it: Holland was worth more than that, and both of them knew it. Whilst he had many solid reasons to support his numerous reservations, secrecy had never been a consideration. If the only way to investigate any sort of progression was for them to date first he continued to believe there was no further action to be taken.

Aware he had already been silent too long, Danny hesitantly said, “I’m ... I don’t know.” He felt like he was saying that a lot. “I’m cautious because …” He started, but he couldn’t think of words that didn’t sound patronizing, even to his own mind. In their current trend of hypotheticals and ‘what if’s he felt it would help to have something more tangible at his disposal. Danny thought of a scenario that might help him convey why he couldn’t immediately agree to their proposal; that his actions mattered. “Okay. So, when I went out with Camilla one time,” they had ventured onto Pearl Street as friends, although had been enjoying additional benefits at the time, “the grapevine alerted her estranged grandfather that we were… friendly. He contacted her, primarily to encourage our ‘relationship’,” Danny recounted a short version of a tale to which he had probably alluded before without making explicit the details. Luckily it had all worked out for Camilla. “If I go somewhere with you outside of school it…” would ruin my life as I know it? That was a bit melodramatic, even for a secret conversation between two Lyras. “It could make things very difficult for me.”

He hadn’t meant to make this about him - things could be as difficult for Holland under those conditions; the Edwards weren’t interested in him any more but if they’d thought Holland was interfering with a reputable union they could find themselves at the end of a wand with alarming rapidity - but Danny thought it was important for Holland to acknowledge that other people cared - for whatever reason - about what he did. “Sorry that - that sounds awful.”

  • But you’re still all talk - Holland, Sat Jan 27 20:11
    How was that fair? All dating was a maybe. You went on a date to see if maybe you liked each other enough in that way to go on another date, and if you still liked each other then maybe the... more
    • I feel some discussion is warranted - Danny, Sun Jan 28 06:22
      • Talk is cheap - Holland, Sun Jan 28 11:40
        “Right,” Holland said curtly, ignoring the sinking sensation in their stomach. “ I don’t know wasn’t the same as “no,” but it was close enough. Holland had never asked anyone out before (well, there... more
        • So show me some action - Danny, Sun Jan 28 15:38
          Danny emitted a vexed huff of dissatisfaction. He understood why Holland wasn’t thrilled with that response, but what did they want him to say? That sure they could just go on a few dates like nobody ... more
          • Is that a proposition? - Holland, Sun Jan 28 20:34
            Holland once again had the feeling, like they had gotten last year in the Lyra practice room, that they were having this conversation wrong—like they were being tested on a chapter they hadn’t... more
            • Let's say Yes - Danny, Mon Jan 29 09:53
              “I am interested .” Finally Holland had said something definitive. “I like you.” The tightness in Danny’s chest was alleviated, and it was sensational to hear those words spoken, but they did not... more
              • I can’t just yet - Holland, Mon Jan 29 12:41
                Holland sighed. Sure, now that Danny had said they should both just forget about this and Holland had agreed, why not explore a scenario in which they had gone on successful dates and wanted to keep... more
                • Tease - Danny, Tue Jan 30 06:44
                  “Right,” he agreed immediately that Holland had practise handling situations. They had previously discussed that dating was easier for Danny than it was for Holland; just because it was suddenly less ... more
                  • You started it - Holland, Tue Jan 30 12:05
                    “I remember,” Holland said, in a tone suggesting there was no need for elaboration. First-year Holland had been able to handle first-year Danny well enough for him to get over his prejudicial... more
                    • You can finish it - Danny, Tue Jan 30 14:29
                      Holland laughed at Danny’s suggestion, which was definitely a reasonable reaction, although it also sounded suspiciously like Holland wasn’t instinctively and immediately ruling out that option. “But ... more
                      • I think I will - Holland, Tue Jan 30 15:35
                        Danny took Holland’s hand, and they had that sensation of being shocked again, like a shudder that went all the way down to the base of their spine. After the whole intense circuitous conversation... more
Click here to receive daily updates