So show me some action
Sun Jan 28, 2018 15:38

Danny emitted a vexed huff of dissatisfaction. He understood why Holland wasn’t thrilled with that response, but what did they want him to say? That sure they could just go on a few dates like nobody cared, like everything he had ever thought his future held would not be in jeopardy? It sucked, it did, but pretending that the scenario was less volatile than a hot quod wouldn’t help, and Holland’s sarcasm was riling. “Look, if I thought you were interested I’d…” Danny started, his own tone defensive and frustrated, but he trailed off before getting too far, because that attitude wouldn’t help, either.

Besides, he didn’t know where he was even going with that sentence. He was rapidly losing the thread of this conversation as it unraveled in the opposite direction to his expectations. Was Holland interested or just curious? They had suggested a date, which Danny interpreted as an opportunity to verify interest: it offered no reassurance. Still, they probably wouldn’t have asked if they wanted no part of this circus. Then the recent behavior alterations - the closeness, the adrenaline-filled silences - and that Holland kept thinking about him… Danny mentally upgraded his feelings concerning Holland from inconvenient to perplexing. The longer they talked, the more he felt like there would be something there to fight for, but it felt increasingly like fighting a losing battle.

So what if he dated Holland? If instead of being reluctant, hesitant, and cautious, he just said, ‘Sure, that sounds great, let’s try it?’ He had never had the opportunity, means or inclination to ascertain the levels of various prejudices within his social circles outside of school, but snubbing their pureblooded, socialite daughters in favour of Holland didn’t feel like it would earn him any consideration, in terms of future employment, miscellaneous networking, or even the eventual union of his own hypothetical offspring. They were privileges he’d expected always to have; he had always known what his future would entail. Merely the concept of passing on all those opportunities, contemplated for a fleeting moment, was usually sufficient for him to be certain that he was happy to be heir, and to embrace the associated responsibilities, including marriage to an eligible woman, and children. He’d received an informal betrothal offer from a girl he liked well enough, so what was preventing him from just accepting that?

The thought of all he potentially stood to lose had historically reinforced Danny’s contentment with his predetermined path. It occurred to him now there was literally no point in hypothesising with Holland if his intentions were to continue along that route: if he took a chance with Holland now, that future would likely no longer be open to him.

And yet. Dardanius couldn’t think of a single topic on which he had never sought Holland’s opinion. He couldn’t remember a summer when he hadn’t looked forward to seeing them again. He couldn’t imagine a life when he wasn’t able to talk to Holland most days of the year. “I mean I never thought I’d give everything up …” he mumbled, “but…” Danny stopped again, because that short word was too fraught with possibility for him to attempt to explain with the limited vocabulary available to him in the entire English language.

“Never mind,” he dismissed anything and everything, his chest feeling tight, eyes focused on the ground so that the regret he felt was less discernible from his expression. “We should probably forget about it.” That would be easier. More sensible. Less likely to end in disaster.

  • Talk is cheap - Holland, Sun Jan 28 11:40
    “Right,” Holland said curtly, ignoring the sinking sensation in their stomach. “ I don’t know wasn’t the same as “no,” but it was close enough. Holland had never asked anyone out before (well, there... more
    • So show me some action - Danny, Sun Jan 28 15:38
      • Is that a proposition? - Holland, Sun Jan 28 20:34
        Holland once again had the feeling, like they had gotten last year in the Lyra practice room, that they were having this conversation wrong—like they were being tested on a chapter they hadn’t... more
        • Let's say Yes - Danny, Mon Jan 29 09:53
          “I am interested .” Finally Holland had said something definitive. “I like you.” The tightness in Danny’s chest was alleviated, and it was sensational to hear those words spoken, but they did not... more
          • I can’t just yet - Holland, Mon Jan 29 12:41
            Holland sighed. Sure, now that Danny had said they should both just forget about this and Holland had agreed, why not explore a scenario in which they had gone on successful dates and wanted to keep... more
            • Tease - Danny, Tue Jan 30 06:44
              “Right,” he agreed immediately that Holland had practise handling situations. They had previously discussed that dating was easier for Danny than it was for Holland; just because it was suddenly less ... more
              • You started it - Holland, Tue Jan 30 12:05
                “I remember,” Holland said, in a tone suggesting there was no need for elaboration. First-year Holland had been able to handle first-year Danny well enough for him to get over his prejudicial... more
                • You can finish it - Danny, Tue Jan 30 14:29
                  Holland laughed at Danny’s suggestion, which was definitely a reasonable reaction, although it also sounded suspiciously like Holland wasn’t instinctively and immediately ruling out that option. “But ... more
                  • I think I will - Holland, Tue Jan 30 15:35
                    Danny took Holland’s hand, and they had that sensation of being shocked again, like a shudder that went all the way down to the base of their spine. After the whole intense circuitous conversation... more
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