Ruben
I'll try harder next time
Sat Mar 17, 2018 16:48
70.73.178.153

"If you're just looking for a fight-"

If? Hah. He was pretty much always looking for a fight. There was not much point in day-to-day life if the majority of those days didn't contain something to fight through, whether in the form of many small pokes -- for example, the way that he and Kaye flirted, which was half banter and half insults -- or a couple small stabs -- for example, Danny, no explanation needed -- or one small rib-cracking -- for example, that French pureblood whose name rhymed with 'douche him', as in, 'who here is a douche? Him? Ja, douche, him!'. Which was ironic, because 'douche' was a French word. He assumed. It had extra letters that were unnecessary for the actual sound of the word, so it was either French or Icelandic, and the Icelanders were too damn friendly to have insults. One of the Muggles he'd met in Rejkyavik this summer while Dagny was leading him on different apparition routes between Texas and Sweden claimed there was an app specifically to warn Icelanders if the person they wanted to have sex with was actually their cousin, because that was just how damn friendly they were. Ruben was all for decreasing the size of the human population, but Iceland was too small for even his tastes.

Alas, in this particular situation, Ruben was looking for a fight in addition to making sure that his good old pal Dardanius (yes, he knew how his full name was actually said, he just liked correcting it to something more suitable) was aware of his natural shortcomings, at least in terms of whether or not he was worthy of dating Holland. The rest of Danny's shortcomings were definitely too much for him to comprehend... Well, with the possible exception of his literal shortness, compared to someone of a stronger, more Nordic stature. And his short hair, too. What did Holland even see in the guy? Danny wasn't the worst choice, so he didn't doubt they had their reasons, or more likely reason, singular, but fan, what a strange reason it must be.

Proven stranger by the second, it was confirmed, as Danny proceeded to repeat one of the dumbest magic tricks in the history of tricks and turned the swirling pile of leaves into a cloud of bubbles. Wandlessly and nonverbally, to be fair, and that could have been almost admirable except it was also so dumb.

"If Holland gets hurt, I'll consider it my failing."

"Well, duh. It will be. But still, here you go again." Ruben sighed loudly, equal parts mockingly dramatic and frustrated. "Trying to put out fires with bubbles. What are you, a child?" Turning his gaze to the bubbles that were now obviously floating towards him, Ruben considered for a moment and then, blue eyes narrowing, set them on fire. There wasn't much to burn, and the smallest bubbles were already starting to fizzle out, but regardless, this was much better. "I do not expect your way to work. Sometimes the only response to fire is more fire," he informed Danny, surprising himself with the seriousness of his tone. "Buuut..." Jävla fan, he didn't want to say this. Dragging it out, nose wrinkled in annoyance, Ruben reluctantly ground out, "You are the expert of your own cult. So do it your way. And if you need someone to bring the fire, I am ready." Okay. That ending fixed it a bit.

By now, the salad's era had come to an end. Ruben craned his neck to investigate the dishes farther down the table and finally Summoned over a plate that looked suitably dessert-y. The looks were somewhat deceiving, as on closer inspection it was labelled as 'chocolate zucchini loaf', but after a skeptical bite he decided it tasted fine. "So, Danny," he switched gears, continuing on more conversationally, "I heard that your Animagus form is a bunny. Congratulations." The level of sarcasm versus sincerity was unclear. Ruben admired strong magic, human transfiguration included, but the whole Animagus thing specifically seemed a waste of time for little practical value. "Rabbit cake for the rabbit man?" He pushed the plate closer to his yearmate. "It's made of vegetables and stuff. Tastes okay, too, though I will always be a meat-eater," Ruben conceded with another bite and a grin that was absolutely not meant to suggest he might eat Danny The Rabbit if given an exceptionally valid reason.

  • No surprises here - Danny, Fri Mar 2 10:17
    “Don’t worry, Dar-danny-us, I have complete faith in Holland. We know each other very well.” Generally irritated by the undesirable progression of his day and Ruben’s continued insistence on being an ... more
    • I'll try harder next time - Ruben, Sat Mar 17 16:48
      • You nailed it - Danny, Sun Mar 18 16:26
        It was plain to Danny that Ruben was going to hold him personally responsible for any hypothetical harm that came Holland’s way (this was not at all surprising; of course Ruben would blame Danny for... more
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