Dardanius Dubois
Going crazy
Thu Dec 21, 2017 15:30
82.38.4.236

That evening found Dardanius in the library working on a cultural studies assignment. He’d recently taken to studying in the library rather than the Lyra commons, where there had always been numerous and frequent distractions, but the sixth year hadn’t experienced any trouble tuning them out until just recently. Although in all honesty he was only hoping to avoid one particular distraction.

It was inevitable that things had started to feel awkward with Holland after their conversation. Mostly Danny thought they were managing the situation quite well in front of their friends, who perhaps hadn’t noticed the reduced banter between the sixth year Lyras, or that when the group split to return back to their respective commons, Danny didn’t automatically join Holland and Emmett, as had been his usual practise. He also felt like everything was normal between himself and Marissa. He had decided not to say anything to her, in the first instance, because he wasn’t certain - at first - that there was anything to tell.

Yet the more Danny thought about what he had confessed to Holland, the more he knew it was true, and the more ridiculous it felt that he hadn’t noticed sooner. Danny had realized he had feelings for a close friend before, back when he’d kissed Marissa that first time, and neither of them had ever been able to get along with a mere friendship since that moment. There had been no catalyst for Holland: Danny just noticed them, and been either unusually pleased or frustrated by their actions with no real explanation. He suspected that if Holland was a girl he would have been a lot quicker (okay, maybe not a lot quicker, given his track record, but perhaps not quite so slow) to realize he had thoughts about them that had little to do with friendship. But Holland wasn’t a girl, and honestly that was still the most confusing part of everything. True to character, Danny had done more than a reasonable amount of overthinking on this particular detail, and he still wasn’t entirely sure what to make of it. It had been relatively easy to accept that he had unexpectedly developed some feelings of attention towards one of his friends. It had taken Danny much longer to realise that the gender of this friend held some implications about his own orientation.

Whatever the subject of his thoughts, words or actions, Dardanius knew that there was no point thinking about Holland. For a start, Danny was with Marissa. He was happy with Marissa. He still believed that if he hadn’t been arguing with Holland that day, he probably wouldn’t have even noticed there was anything else going on in his subconscious. For another thing, Holland had never given any indication that they were interested in Danny that way, which was fine - good, even - because how much weirder would it be if this mess was a two-way street? Besides, even if they were both interested and available (they weren’t) it was still not worth thinking about, because Danny had just about adjusted to the concept of dating a girl who might not actually turn out to be his future bride (although, despite all his previously stipulated reservations regarding Marissa, his girlfriend could potentially qualify for the title if she was interested. Admittedly she wasn’t from one of the prominent society families, as would be preferable, but her parents were a witch and wizard, her extended family offered some - if limited - connections, and if they decided they wanted to stay together there were potentially avenues to argue in her favor, such as her flair for hosting social events, and she was great with children, even if she hadn’t actually expressed an interest in having her own; she was only a teenager, after all).

Holland was a different matter entirely. They were not a girl, did not have two magical parents, did not possess Marissa’s social butterfly temperament, had actually expressed a desire against raising infants, and probably would not even consider becoming a part of the elitist traditions even if these obstacles weren’t in place. Which obviously was irrelevant, because of all those, and hundreds more, other reasons.

Still, even if Danny wasn’t thinking about Holland - which he wasn’t - he was still thinking about being attracted to someone who, well, who wasn’t a girl. Was this just an exception? Did that happen? ‘Oh, I’m straight except for this one person?’ It sounded ridiculous. As a bizarre and surreal thought experiment, he’d found himself considering the other non-females at RMI, and could confirm that nope, he was not the slightest bit attracted to any of his fellow male students. The idea of some nameless, faceless, hypothetical attraction was too abstract to form any sort of compelling argument. Frustratingly, Danny felt he would really benefit from a discussion with Holland about this. Or Marissa.

Instead, he was taking notes from several textbooks open on the desk in front of him, having to re-read paragraphs several times to fully comprehend them, because his thoughts were scattered elsewhere. In some ways it was a relief when someone joined him at the table, providing a new, more tangible focal point for his wayward thoughts.

    • I'll meet you there - Rose Farnon, Sat Dec 23 14:07
      “Nerd.” Rose said, leaning across the table and putting her elbows firmly on the pages of Danny’s textbooks, then resting her chin on her open palms. Her flower-petal necklace swung forward. “You... more
      • We could take a picnic - Dardanius, Tue Dec 26 09:50
        Despite his fragmented mental state, Danny couldn’t help but laugh when Rose has the audacity to call him a nerd. “Takes one to know one,” he returned, sitting back in his seat to reclaim the... more
        • How do you 'take' a picnic? - Rose, Sun Dec 31 10:27
          It would have been pretty easy, Rose was sure, to be in the top group in her classes without much studying. Danny did it, after all, and she certainly wasn’t dumber than Danny Dubois. But there was a ... more
          • Rose’s theory that Kit has been aiming for Ruben was plausible. Partly because Kit did seem to have a personal vendetta against Ruben, at least when he was on a broomstick, and partly because it was... more
            • What's the part where you eat it? - Rose, Tue Jan 2 20:33
              With a smirk, Rose pushed her hair out of her face. Yes, Marissa did have her for that. She had threatened Danny about Marissa enough for him to understand that, even if he’d managed to miss the... more
  • Click here to receive daily updates