This isn't a shape, it's a mess
Wed Feb 7, 2018 07:11

Claudia didn’t realize she had been holding her breath until Marley spoke, and the paler girl felt her chest tighten; she reminded herself to breathe and that helped lessen her physical discomfort. Emotionally, mentally, she was still fraught. Marley had missed the point. Well, not all of it, because yes, Teal being a girl was what made Claudia uncomfortable, but there was a great deal more to it than just that. She supposed she ought to be grateful that Marley had asked why, and not just made assumptions … even though she continued to then make those assumptions, anyway. Claudia really did her very best to listen to Marley, because if there was a way to fix this, then she would be more than willing to try. If there was something that she could latch onto that would provide them with a solution, Claudia would be delighted to protect their friendship. So she heard Marley’s words, and she considered them.

“There’s no rule that we can only date boys.” For Claudia, that wasn’t true. If she was going to date anyone - and really, she ought not even to do that; it was unnecessary, but not altogether forbidden - there was a rule, unwritten though it may be, that she could only date boys. Perhaps it was fortuitous that the summer break had fallen between the catalyst event and this conversation, because Claudia had been granted a great deal of time in which to consider her standpoint, and so she was able to acknowledge that the same rule did not exist for Marley. With her belief in romance and her Muggle heritage, it was not at all surprising that there were no rules about who one could and could not appropriately date. Therefore, Claudia was not in opposition to this interpretation.

“Can you imagine if I started to date someone and then found out they were racist?” Well yes, Claudia could imagine that exact scenario, actually, but she wasn’t going to compare her own experience of that to what it would mean for Marley. However she could argue that a girl could be equally as racist as a boy, and so it had nothing to do with their current discussion, but then Marley said it, anyway. Then in a roundabout way, she got to what Claudia expected had been her point all along: “Isn’t that most important? Even more important than gender?”

“Not in my culture,” Claudia said, but then very quickly added, “but I’m trying to appreciate your unrestricted view.” She frowned as she struggled to sort her thoughts into words. “Of course liking a person is most important, but Marley you can’t say that gender doesn’t matter if it really does.” She sighed, feeling like she was talking herself in circles. “If you really, truly are attracted to Teal,” Merlin forbid, “I guess that’s... “ she couldn’t find a word. It wasn’t okay. It wasn’t acceptable. Claudia settled on, “different. It just seemed to me like you are dating her because you’re trying to be nice or something, but that’s not fair to Teal.” Claudia was neglecting to mention the part where she was massively uncomfortable with the notion that Marley could actually be attracted to Teal, because if she could make Marley see reason without mentioning subjective opinion then that would perhaps be preferable. “And dating is about more than just being friends and making you happy. At least, that’s how I understand it.” She wanted to be friends with Marley - she wanted to be close to her, to have secrets, to enjoy each other’s company. She did not want to do other things that were associated with dates. That was a crucial difference. “Like, do you want to -” Nope, she couldn’t ask that. Her cheeks flushed and Claudia stared at the table. She was barely comfortable thinking about kissing; talking about it was impossible, and talking about kissing a girl was utterly inconceivable.

  • Claudia answered that she hadn’t been dating anyone, and Marley hummed in acknowledgement, giving a sort of half-nod. She wasn’t entirely sure why she had nodded, though. Nods were normally an... more
    • This isn't a shape, it's a mess - Claudia, Wed Feb 7 07:11
      • Just a minor maze - Marley, Sat Feb 10 01:26
        Unrestricted? Marley seized on the word, feeling her hopes rise a little stronger. If Claudia thought that ‘her’ culture (whatever that was; coming from a mixed Mediterranean and South American and... more
        • Show me to the exit - Claudia, Sat Feb 10 07:59
          She didn’t know. How could a person not know if they were attracted to someone? Claudia would concede she was hardly an expert on the matter, but she thought she understood attraction. She had even... more
          • Oh no. Claudia’s answer was actually a non-answer, and she didn’t want to assume that a non-answer meant a no but it definitely wasn’t a yes either and that made it seem like Marley was gonna have to ... more
            • This is a one-way street - Claudia, Sun Feb 11 06:06
              Marley was frowning still, and the expression looked so out of place on her usually cheerful friend that Claudia felt bad for causing it. Yet she also felt - much as she had in previous conversations ... more
              • With a dead end - Marley, Sun Feb 11 12:01
                “Marley, I’m trying.” She wanted to say something - anything - in response to that, but there were too many options. She could retort with a ‘not very well’, to point out how Claudia was disrupting... more
Click here to receive daily updates